About my tomboy dd1?

[turtlepig]

Dd1 is a tomboy. She is 4. she seems to only gravitate towards "boy" type toys and TV programmes. she literally likes nothing that would be traditionally aimed at girls at all. She hates wearing dresses and skirts. Hates the colour pink. If she is playing she would always choose to be the dad or male character.
She said she would like a willy so she could wee standing up!
I am finding this quite hard to deal with. The preference for "boy" TV programmes etc. I have no issue with. It's just the feeling that there is something "more" to it. Wanting to role play as a boy. The complete shunning of skirts and dresses and even leggings. The huge disdain for anything pink.. I don't know if it's possible to have gender dysmorphia at her age or to feel she has been "born in the wrong body" or whatever but if I even ask her about why she won't give her sister a turn at being the "daddy" or ask what's wrong with wearing a skirt or looking pretty she simply refuses to discuss it!
Aibu to feel worried and scared for her? I wish she felt she could open up to me more about it but she obviously doesn't want to. I just want her to have a happy life, she's not very confident at all and I'm worried about her starting reception in September and being so completely different to all the other girls there.

I as exactly like her as a child. 30 years later I still never wear skirts, dresses etc and generally prefer things that are considered more masculine but I have no issues with my gender, I prefer those things but I completely accept myself as a woman

2 of my 3 dds called themselves "tomboys" when little. They didn't like pink or dresses, one of them in particular never played with dolls. And they certainly didn't like having their hair done or washing or looking pretty.

Now they're teens and they still don't wear dresses or want to look pretty. They both get on well with boys as friends as well as girls, they still share a lot of interests that many people would say were for boys. One's all black clothes/purple hair and doing the emo thing, the other is all DMs and combats. They are fine. Just not into stereotypical femininity. and this was very clear especially for dd1 even aged 3.

OP, at your daughter's age I was the same, except that I also went by a boy's name for four months and told my parents I wanted to be a boy. They neither approved nor disapproved. just let me get on with it.

It stopped when I realised I didn't have to be a boy to do the boy things I liked, or play football with boys. So I got on and did them. I wore dresses to parties and played Sindy dolls with my sister and sorted it all out as I went along.

As an adult I still enjoy and do stereotypically male things. I do steretypically female things as well.

Stand off the whole thing for a bit, is my advice. See how your daughter gets on. Empowering her is much much more important than classifying her.

I used to say I wanted to be a boy or that I wanted to grow up to be a man at age 4-6. I think for me it was definitely linked with the idea that girls couldn't do certain things or were weak or silly or something rather than any gender dysphoria. So while of course you shouldn't shut the door to the possibility that this will evolve into a real identification as a male, I think it's also important to keep reassuring her that you can be a girl and not wear skirts/dresses/pink, that girls are just as smart and funny and cool as boys, and that being a girl doesn't have to mean princess but can mean builder/doctor/train driver/astronaut/whatever she wants. I think that the prevalence of pink princess stuff can be a bit frightening to girls, like this is the only option for them.

I was also very 'tomboyish' as a child. I hated dresses and skirts and bright colours. I hated typical girls games that my younger sister loved. I preferred to play with my older brother, we played war games. I remember one Christmas I wanted a pair of men's shoes that would crunch on gravel so I could be a detective. I only discovered girly things in my late teens. I hated comments on my appearance when I was a child as it embarrassed me, I didn't like that kind of attention.

I was exactly like this from 3 up until teens. I still don't like pink or wear dresses if I can avoid it. I have no gender issues I'm just more comfortable in jeans.

It's just as well that when I was growing up, there wasn't this thing about 'being in the wrong body' or 'gender dysmorphia'.

I grew up doing what I loved and yes that incl lots of boys stuff, no pink etc etc.

I still grew up into a vey well balanced adult!

I also think that the 'Oh I wish I had a willy to be able to pee standing up' is a quote normal thing to say from a little girl. It DOES look attractive, even to me as an adult lol.

Dd at four had short hair,always wore trousers and spiderman clothes, not interested in anything girly at all.Hated pink and sparkly.
Now at 12 she has hair down to her bum wouldn't be seen dead in anything gender neutral even never mind boyish,loves pretty clothes.
I had no input whatsoever spiderman lost its appeal and she wanted long hair and she has always chosen her own clothes and wears what she is comfortable in. Your dd might do the same or she might not but neither choice is wrong IMO and your dd like my dd will have friends probably of both sexes.There's no need to encourage her to change.

no need onviously

in the eyes of an intelligent four year old, what is 'on offer' for girls must seem kind of crap in comparison to what is on offer for boys mustnt it?
OP dont worry, she will be her own person anyway.

She is fine, let her go with it. My dsis went through a phase of wanting to be a dog (complete with walking on all fours, barking and licking gross stuff in the park) I'm not going to lie she found school difficult and faced bullying. But the good news is she is a very popular well adjusted adult now.

My dsis went through a phase of wanting to be a dog

really?
Reminds of those 'doctor doctor' jokes.

Patient - 'Doctor doctor, I keep thinking I am a dog!
Doctor - 'Oh! How long have you been having these feelings?'
patient -'ooh, since I was a puppy!'

yes my favourite toy was a sheath knife and a box of matches.
But you know, it is not really a boy/girl thing, just a human thing tbh.

I'm so glad I wasn't the only one! I refused to go by any name other than George (as in the famous five) for years. I only liked boys toys, football, only wore shorts or trousers, had my hair cut like Guy from neighbours, wanted a willy, stood to wee (I wish I could now post childbirth!) and loved it when someone mistook me for a boy.

I'm straight, married and have DS and I am still a bit of a tomboy and being a tomboy is awesome. I am so excited that I will get to (hopefully) play with cool 'boys' toys and do more tomboy things.

I once asked my Dad if he was disappointed that he didn't have boys, he said why does he need a boy when he's got me? I took this as a massive compliment.

OP, We all worry about our DCs and its only natural but I think your DD sounds great.

haven't read any of the other replies but I was a MASSIVE tomboy at that age, and until I was about 11 or so.

I understand why you're worried and want to say please don't.

When I was young, for years, I begged my mother to let me have boys' haircuts, I wore only shorts and jeans, I read only football comics (rather than anything girly), I HATED dresses, I HATED girls, played only with boys, etc.

Once on holiday in Cornwall an old fisherman called me 'boy' (I was about seven or eight) and it made my summer!

I ran wild in the fields in the school holidays, went off on my bike all day long, and hated books I was meant to like like Ballet Girls, or whatever it was called, and preferred those boys' adventure books instead - Lion Adventure etc.

Now I am married with three children and honestly you would be amazed if you knew me then and met me now. I still think I'm quite no-nonsense and ungirly - for example I loathe cupcakes and find beauty articles very boring and a hen party is my idea of hell and I hate girls' nights out - but I think I'm pretty attractive, I've got a very handsome, funny and clever husband, and have conventionally feminine and attractive looks. (that sounds wanky but I just want to show I'm different now to how I was then).

Don't worry about her x

What on earth is wrong with being different to her peers? My dd is like this still at 8 and we embrace it - glad not to be on the bandwagon of pink glitter and hair braiding!!

My 5yo is currently experiencing penis envy of a sort. She desperately wishes she had a penis, so she can pee standing up mostly....but she just wants one in general.

She has also (by watching TV) come to the conclusion that boys have way more fun and adventures than girls and also get to behave worse, so she wishes she was a boy too.

I think that penises are indeed pretty cool and I sympathise with her about the not being able to pee standing up...I tell her she already behaves how she likes and goes on plenty of adventures, so there is nothing she is missing out on there........and then we just get on with our lives.

I really hate the word "tomboy". It just cements the idea that there are designated girls' and boys' toys/activities.

Let children be children without labelling them!

My four year old dd is the same (except for the comment about wanting a penis, she doesn't seem to have noticed the differences between her and her brother or dad yet) and I can't say it worries me. She is a happy little soul so I let her get on with it. If she decides she wants to live as a man later in life that's ok but equally if she's going to grow up to be a "butch" woman I don't care. We'll face any challenges as they come.

I have plenty of friends who wanted to be boys when they were younger but they are all now happily living as women.

Just seen some of your other comments, my dd does not like to be told she is pretty, she likes to be told she looks smart.

I was like this from as long as I can remember til hormones really hit. Actually have always had men boots and coats and hoodies around and but wear make up, dye hair and sometimes have it long - I don't stand out at all. Have always had lots of male and female friends and as an adult see myself as entirely female. Being a tomboy has lots going for it!

Yay - another ZOMBIE THREAD

I imagine the OP has everything sorted now as it was 18 months ago....

That's a few minutes of my life I may never get back!

Another who thinks you're projecting.
I hated dresses, hated pink, always played with boy characters etc etc. I INSISTED when I was bridesmaid for my auntie that if I must wear a dress, I was wearing sage green, not dusty pink.
I am currently sat at work in a skirt and high heels, made up and hair styled, typing with pale pink nails. I am still not particularly 'girly' but the whole 'being a boy' thing passed.