About my tomboy dd1?

[turtlepig]

Dd1 is a tomboy. She is 4. she seems to only gravitate towards "boy" type toys and TV programmes. she literally likes nothing that would be traditionally aimed at girls at all. She hates wearing dresses and skirts. Hates the colour pink. If she is playing she would always choose to be the dad or male character.
She said she would like a willy so she could wee standing up!
I am finding this quite hard to deal with. The preference for "boy" TV programmes etc. I have no issue with. It's just the feeling that there is something "more" to it. Wanting to role play as a boy. The complete shunning of skirts and dresses and even leggings. The huge disdain for anything pink.. I don't know if it's possible to have gender dysmorphia at her age or to feel she has been "born in the wrong body" or whatever but if I even ask her about why she won't give her sister a turn at being the "daddy" or ask what's wrong with wearing a skirt or looking pretty she simply refuses to discuss it!
Aibu to feel worried and scared for her? I wish she felt she could open up to me more about it but she obviously doesn't want to. I just want her to have a happy life, she's not very confident at all and I'm worried about her starting reception in September and being so completely different to all the other girls there.

ZOMBIE

I love how people come on here and don't bother reading the thread before dispensing the same advice that a load of other posters have!

DD was like this, she's now 14 and although not particularly girly she has never said she wants to be a boy. Let her be what she is, a non-girly girl, and it will be fine. I think more issues start when we force gender roles on them even if we feel they 'should' be playing with girls' toys etc.

I love how people come on here and don't bother reading the thread before dispensing the same advice that a load of other posters have!

Is this the first MN thread you've clicked into? Happens on every long thread!

Fuck, sorry

Oh, for the days when a girl could play with soldiers and prefer jeans and not have some fucking do-gooder chasing her around with oestrogen suppressants, because clearly she must be a boy.

My daughter prefers trousers because she can't get down the slide or play on a scooter in a bloody skirt. It's practical.

She likes Lego because it's FUN.

Not because she's clearly male and disordered.

Just let her play and dress however she wishes and get on with your day. Girls are allowed to like 'boy' things, because hey, they're not actually boy things. They're things. Your daughter likes things. This is not a medical issue and there's nothing 'wrong'.

What's wrong with 'looking pretty'? A hell of a lot, quite frankly, and you're going to be doing a lot more damage nagging her to 'look pretty' (therefore suggesting she's not currently pretty and needs to 'improve' herself for your approval) than you would if you just let children be children. I would never dream of telling my daughter to 'look pretty'.

She isn't 'completely different' to other girls. What, are they all in ballet tutus and ribbons and insisting on 'being pretty'? Utter nonsense.

I think she sounds great. She also sounds a lot like me at that age. I never did grow out of it and am gay, successful and happy at 52. So I'm not loving the "oh, she'll grow out of it" narrative that seems to predominate in this thread and suggest that while you should definitely not make a drama out of this for a 4 year old, maybe that is who she is going to be, and I hope you will love her and not think of her as less than the more conventional daughter that you might have had.

ZOMBIE THREAD - DATES FROM 2015 PEOPLE!

This was my daughter from age 2. She would be the girl dressed as Spider-Man at the princess party and disowned her dolls at 4!! She asked to be a boy everyday as they had much more fun in her opinion. She is now a 14 yr old who still hates pink and wears black jeans and checked shirts and is an emotional mine field. She is who she is and may never wear a dress but body Dysmorphia has never entered my mind!!!!😊

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

My sister was like this until she was about 14. She loved being mistaken for a boy. She did boy things, she wanted boy's clothes. My brother was born only about 13 months after her, and the whole extended family (not us) cooed over "At last, a boy!" so completely understandable that she wanted to be a boy.

It's still a fairly logical conclusion to make about the world. Life is better & easier for boys & men.

My sister is middle-aged now: married with several children. She's also a stunning beauty and entirely female and happy in her body.

Nowadays I guess there'd have been really strong pressure on my sister & my parents to have her "transition" into becoming a transman. Which would have been real (not metaphorical) violence.

Your DD is NORMAL. Normal, normal, normal.

Oh bugger zombie thread. Sorry

I am female and my fav colour is blue. My DD was so called boyish too but this is where we differ - its not boyish really is it - only whats told to us to be boyish.

My DD has always preferred trains, moving things, cars, dinasours, and animals, she has never ever warmed to dolls, ( i got her dolls) she doesnt care for pink but we are a household that would never push any colour, and thankfully the words " do you love pink" are not something our relatives would push or utter either. she went through a stage of wanting to be called a boys name, she always gravitated to the boys from 2 to 5 - playing.....but she did plenty of so called feminine things too. A normal balanced child I would say! Growing up to like what she likes without someone "labelling" it. Now she is 9, she has female friends not really male, and is totally balanced and certainly doesnt want to be called a boys name.

your dd is 4 - let her be.

urghhh - just read comment above

She's 4. Let her play. My daughter is 4 and only likes "boys" things. I see it as a non issue. And "boys" toys are far more interesting and exciting anyway.

That was me as a child too, I even used to straddle over the toilet facing the wall so I could pee standing up and was friends only with boys until I was 7 or 8.
Even now some of my best pals are male.
To this day I'm still a tomboy, but with a firm love of skirts, dresses and getting my nails done. I'm also happily married with 3 DCs and fully content with being female.

Dd1 is nearly 24 and she was like this i dont know what you expect other girls to be like but yours will be fine, in early years she might mix more with little boys but that is ok girls can literally play with anything anyone they like she is still an ordinary little girl,

I'm 40, own no dresses at the moment and have never left the house with make up on (bar painted toe nails)

I felt like your dd as a child but as an adult I definitely feel like a woman. Being a woman is a spectrum and a girl who likes Spider-Man is just as feminine as a girl who likes Barbie.

I understand why you might worry (not being like her peers) but she will take her cues from you. A mum who acts like her dd loving Spider-Man is no big deal can grow to feel the same.

At primary school, things can be super black and white with regards to sexual stereotypes. In secondary, things improve and are more like the adult world. A brony (male loving My Little Pony) is just as likely to find friends as the girl who's an expert on Star Wars.

I was exactly like this as a child. I told my family that I wanted to be a boy and vividly remember crying because I knew I was going to have to be a girl forever.

20 years later and I would be absolutely horrified if my parents had taken me seriously. I still don't like dresses and have never worn makeup or done anything with my hair other than brush it (and cut it about twice a year) I did have several relationships with girls before marrying and having children. But other than that I don't see any lasting effects from my childhood view.

I agree with PPs sorry, she is 4. It is highly unlikely to come to anything and is fairly normal behaviour. Reacting negatively however could have bad consequences.

YANBU I'd be worried too. There has been studies that show that expressions of gender issues show up really early in life. Yes by 4. But there's really nothing you can do but to continue to love her. Hopefully this is a passing thing.

OP, all you describe was me as a young child. I grew up to be a very feminine happy-in-my-own-skin lesbian. My OH went through the same thing. We have both said that in today's 'gender 'identity' crisis we would have been encouraged to become the boys we most DEFINITELY WERE NOT!!! We both love our womanly bodies. Do nothing- let her express however she wants to, and let her be healthy and happy.

one of mine absolutely hates anything girly, and would just give you 'The Look' at the idea of being pretty.

One of my nieces was adamant about only buying clothes from the boys section.
One of my friend's daughter's was desperate to wee standing up like her brother.

None have gender dysmorphia.

It actually makes me really sad that a girl (or boy) is expected to behave in a certain way or dress in a certain way.

The veyr best thing you can do is allow her to be herself. Back her when she wants to wear trousers to a party, and not comment on her choice of toys.
Let her be who she wants to be. Maybe in the end she will love pink.
Maybe she won't.
Maybe she will have body issues, maybe she won't but the best thing you can do is to say it is PERFECTLY OK for a girl to love trucks and jeans. Normal in fact. Many grown women only wear a dress when forced into one for a wedding.

AAH ZOMBIE THREAD.

I never look at dates, and hadn't read every single page.
I do wish zombie thread would keep a warning on them.

But 2 years on OP could fill us in?

I was like your dd as I child! Please don't worry or try to change her. When you are a child girls stuff is rubbish (dolls, glitter yuk!) boys things are amazing, bikes, lego, science stuff. Boys don't have to wear silly dresses that prevent you from climbing, they don't get told to keep clean and look pretty. It's rubbish being a girl and having to look clean and nice and stuff. I also wished (and still do) I could wee standing up. So much cleaner and more practical when you are out and about in the countryside

And anyway it's only societal norms that say what is for girls and boys. Let's face it, it should all be for everyone.

I am now late thirties. Happily married, had several long term relationships, have gay and straight friends and have NO confusion or issues with my sexuality at all. I ha e always attracted men who see the benefit of my 'muck in and enjoy myself' attitude. Although I do now as an adult enjoy the opportunity to dress up and wear make up, I do get frustrated at the societal expectation to 'look pretty' etc.

Let her be her self. It doesn't mean she is confused about her sexuality. It's means she just wants to do fun stuff and not sit and look pretty. A dress is the most impractical garner of clothing for doing almost anything fun at all...