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Original poster

To be horrified at what my friend has done

261 replies

Letthedicefly · 30/07/2015 21:42

She is a carer for elderly people in their own homes and stole £5 from a lady with dementia.

She is in pieces as she's been caught and keeps saying she only meant to borrow it and would have put it back. She knows it was so wrong but she's in an abusive relationship and had no access to money.

Now she's going to lose her job and get a criminal record which will make her more dependent on him.

I know she's in the wrong but I'm so upset for her as well.

OP posts:
LondonRocks · 01/08/2015 01:03

Politicise all you want. If that were my family member you'd stolen from (and I'd seen fit to buy pricey cameras and spend hours watching them), the last thing on my mind would be Lehmann et al. Extrapolation is just a vehicle for some people to absolve anything.

Some things that people do are just plain shitty. (Big fish and small fry included.)

GraysAnalogy · 01/08/2015 01:05

So nigel are you suggesting that people like you and I should get away scott free because there's people like Isaacs? Are you suggesting we should be free from discussion and condemnation for breaking the law just because someone doing it in a bigger and more extreme way?

ou're obviously happy for the huge thieves to get away with it and to beat up on the little guy

and this is so ridiculously untrue I had to laugh. What exactly do you base this upon?

Like I said, if you made a post regarding what you're talking about if what you're saying is true about him (I confess I know little) then mumsnet would rip them to shreds.

GraysAnalogy · 01/08/2015 01:08

It's okay everyone go hell for leather and steal because X person has done worse.

drudgetrudy · 01/08/2015 01:11

I'm not at all happy for huge thieves to get away with it and I know there is corruption in high places but what OP's friend did was still dishonest and wrong.
Doesn't mean OP can't still be her friend though-she can tell her that she doesn't condone what she did but she's still her friend and is still there for her.

nigelslaterfan · 01/08/2015 01:19

I think £5 is a small theft, and I think people should be given another chance.

If there is repeated theft that's different but for a one off? To lose your job? That seems harsh. I mean, that person is unlikely to do it again and the best way to stop someone from stealing is making sure they can earn some money.

I just feel so much of the world is on the take that I feel so much compassion for someone who steals a fiver.

I just look at all the countries where all the development money goes to the top and then to secret offshore accounts to sit safely while you steal some groceries and get threatened with prison.

Of course stealing is wrong but why so much anger at this petty theft and no anger at all about the big crooks? It seems we are happy to be shafted by the big crooks as long as we can wag our fingers at the petty thief. I hate that about us, our lack of compassion and our lack of discrimination about the real corruption around us.

GraysAnalogy · 01/08/2015 01:34

It's not just £5 though is it. It might be to you and I but to someone who's vulnerable it can be a lot more than that. Like I've said repeatedly, these people rely on others to provide the most personal of care, trust them to do all sorts of things, HAVE to welcome strangers in their home. Strangers who steal. Would you trust someone to bath you if they'd stolen from you? Or take you to the toilet? Or make you meals? Give you medication?

This is why it should be zero tolerance. It's not just £5. It's life for these people.

emotionsecho · 01/08/2015 01:57

nigel have you read the posts on this thread from people whose family members have been stolen from, or the posts written by Miscellaneous?

If you have and still think "aw it was only a fiver" then you are a very callous individual if you cannot understand that the damage caused to the victims is so much more than the loss of their possessions.

The type of theft here is so personal and such a betrayal it is despicable and there are no excuses for it.

PinkTardis · 01/08/2015 01:59

I've only read half of the thread.

Im a carer, I went through a bad patch when hubby left and I was broke but it never crossed my mind to take so much as a penny from one of my unsuspecting clients.

It's a position of trust. And your friend is quite simply a disgrace to carers ( I've worked with people who have stolen and I've happily reported it 50 pence or 50 pound neither is acceptable)

Carers who steal are a disgrace and rightly so she should be stopped from working with vulnerable adults.

I don't believe it was the first time either, or if it was I guarantee she would have continued till she was discovered.

Also you say she has no phone? I don't know of any care company that would allow you to work without a mobile. Also petrol advances can be requested and taken from your next pay at most care companies.

Sorry for the negativity in my post but it's people like me who genuinely care who get tarnished by the likes of your friend and have to console the vulnerable elderly who are victim to it.

GraysAnalogy · 01/08/2015 02:16

I didn't pick up on the no phone part. In this day and age I don't know any home care worker that can work without a mobile phone. They always need to be in contact with the base, for cancellations, extra calls, emergencies etc. A lot also need to ring a number when they enter a house and when they exit. I don't believe at all that she hasn't got a phone.

ladymariner · 01/08/2015 06:17

nigelslater you can keep your hand-wringing and your compassion for this vile thief to yourself, my sympathy is for the vulnerable person she was supposed to be caring for and who she betrayed.

You are spectacularly missing the point if you think it's about the amount of money, but then I think that is your intention. You claim to care, to have compassion but it is all aimed at things that really are out of our control. However much we may loathe the perceived injustices of big business, we can't really do much about it. But we can certainly control ourselves and our own behaviour.....the fact this woman thought it was ok to steal £5 from a dementia sufferer and the fact you are making excuses for her speaks volumes about both of you.

Charlie97 · 01/08/2015 06:35

Only a fiver..........that's ok then!

What a bloody ridiculous statement!

londonrach · 01/08/2015 06:35

Have no idea why this post has gone off the point. Its simple really a person goes into a vulnerable persons house in a postion of trust to care for them. Whilst there they broke that trust by taking something that wasnt theres. The value is not important or if this person has done it for x or y reason. This carer has taken advantage of a vulnerable person and broken their trust. Image being in your own home and have carers coming unsure who will be coming and when and all you have is trust.

BMW6 · 01/08/2015 06:54

nigelslater
So if a burgular breaks into YOUR home and steals everything of value you'd be sanguine about that would you? Poor man probably can't get a job, has drug/alcohol problems etc etc. You wouldn't be staright on the phone to the Police to catch the thief??

Every thief blames something else for their thieving. And to even try to justify the action of any thief by comparison with MP's expenses and other financial scandals is frankly beyond stupid.

Andrewofgg · 01/08/2015 07:09

In fact most domestic burglary is committed by youngsters - by no means all men - desperate to "earn" enough to pay for the next fix or in terror of the consequences if they can't pay for the last. But there's not many on MN or anywhere else who think that that's all right then, and it's not, and neither is what the OP's friend did.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/08/2015 07:37

nigel pull you head from the clouds. If you not read op posts her friend stole £5 from a vulnerable person, it does nit matter if the sum is £5 or £5000 it is the principle, that she took advantage and breeched her position of trust. Op said the cctv camera caught her, so this must have happened before for relatives to get suspicious and install cameras, to find out who is stealing money from their loved one. I think the £5 was planted as bait to catch the their and it did. If you read the SW posts on here who work with vulnerable adults, more often than not, their has a sob story.

dangerrabbit · 01/08/2015 07:39

What your friend did was a breach of trust. My DGPs had £1000 stolen from them by "carers", and while I'd rather it had been less, the most important thing is that they took advantage of a vulnerable couple.

I'm not quite sure why you're making excuses for your friend in this situation and trying to minimise her behaviour. I would also be hesitant to believe your friend's cover story. All we know for sure is that she's a thief. I'm sorry she's having a sad time but that doesn't make it ok for her to target people even more vulnerable than herself. I'm glad she's been caught and I hope that her and others who behave like her receive the appropriate punishment for their crimes.

dontbemoredog · 01/08/2015 08:15

I feel so much compassion for someone who steals a fiver.

That's the standard is it?

Anyway I am disappointed there was never an answer to the question about how the friend with no access to money was planning to repay the "borrowed" £5.

ladymariner · 01/08/2015 09:01

Where has the op gone??

BigChocFrenzy · 01/08/2015 09:13

If we were discussing shoplifting sanpro from Tesco because the OP's friend was skint, the reaction would be totally different.

Someone in a position of trust abused a vulnerable person

That's a despicable crime.
The old lady is the victim; her abuser is a thief and may also face charges related to the breach of trust.

No crimes in high places, income inequality, deaths in Iraq can ever excuse a carer abusing her client.

LegoSuperstar · 01/08/2015 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeisenbergSaysHello · 01/08/2015 10:50

If there is repeated theft that's different but for a one off? To lose your job? That seems harsh

Its not harsh at all, she cant steal from a service user and expect her company to keep sending her into peoples homes knowing she has form. Of course she should be sacked.

Andrewofgg · 01/08/2015 10:55

And it's right that she is prosecuted too. She won't go down for it but she will have the record and so she should.

LondonRocks · 01/08/2015 11:10

The hypocrisy here is insane.

So, Nigel, if you steal a little bit, it's ok, is it? But over an arbitrarily large amount, it's suddenly wrong?!

Bonkers.

Kayden · 01/08/2015 11:19

nigelslaterfan She didn't want to "borrow it and put it back". Hmm If she did, she could have a.) left a note and/or b.) phoned the family. All agencies have folders which contain the service user's next of kin. No excuse!

Also, fortunately enough for me, I have enough emotional capacity to feel anger at those who steal for vulnerable people and those who are thieves on a larger scale.I'm sorry this is not the case for you. Wink

hedgehogsdontbite · 01/08/2015 11:20

Where has the op gone??

I suspect the OP is the 'friend' and has left the thread, under that name at least, as it wasn't met with the expected chorus of 'it's not that bad' that she was expecting.