Wedding invite, Bali

[LondonLady29]

A few weeks ago DP told me one of his friends (who one year ago emigrated to Australia) is getting married in Bali next summer and we are invited. We started planning a holiday. Yesterday the invite came with only DPs name on, no mention of me so I told him I'm not invited. He said he was sure if been mentioned in a text before and today checked with the groom who said I was invited to the evening do only not the main wedding.

So the couple expect us to travel to Bali and I hang around alone all day there (I won't know anyone else going), and DP will be at the wedding and I'll show up on the evening. I think it's the height of rudeness and I'm astounded at how crass this is. IMO it's worse than no invite. What does everyone else think?

[PatriciaHolm]

Oh ok - but you posted recently about trouble with choosing bridesmaids? So I assumed you were talking about an upcoming marriage not one years ago. Confusing.

Anyway. Inviting one of a partnership to a long haul wedding and not another is odd at best and rude at worst, surely.

[AlbrechtDurer]

I am getting an ad at the top of the page for a luxury resort in Ubud when I click on this thread. As so many of us obviously would love to go to Bali, I think we should arrange a MN meet-up at the wedding resort on the day of the wedding. I'll bring the popcorn.

[MidniteScribbler]

Yes he is marrying an Australian girl.

This makes it even weirder. Evening events aren't done in Australia, I've never ever heard of it happening. Does the groom not like you OP? That's the only reason I can think of for wanting you not to come along. I can almost guarantee that if the bride is Australian that there is no day invite/evening invite set up.

[angstyaunty]

So odd to do a wedding abroad and then have separate events for guests, all of whom would have made a significant journey to get there. Just weird.

[IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere]

That would be a big fat No Thanks from me.

I've heard that Bali is massively overrated anyway - like Magaluf for Aussies.

[SavoyCabbage]

That's exactly what Bali is to Australians. Magaluf. It's where people go for a cheap holiday. Although people are somewhat down on it since the execution of two of the Bali nine.

[Twowrongsdontmakearight]

Still watching and waiting to find out what you and your DH decide to do!

[TropicalHorse]

Bali is shit, anyway. A whole island full of exploited people, desperately trying to grab the tourist dollar by any means necessary, drunk Australians and polluted beaches. Go to Malaysia!

[lunar1]

I really hope your dh tells them he won't be going.

[giraffesCantBrushTheirTeeth]

evening do - in fucking BALI?! twats

[Mehitabel6]

I can't understand why people would even contemplate going. Just write and politely decline.

[SanityClause]

Very odd for Australians to have an "evening do", I agree. But maybe, if the bride has lived in the UK for a while, she is used to them.

But a seperate evening do at a resort wedding is beyond weird.

[ShadowStar]

This is incredibly rude, especially given how much time and money it'll cost you to go at all. I don't think I'd want to go now even if they did come back with a invite to the day event too.

[CherryGarcia1]

Londonlady, did you have your wedding recently (going by your recent thread of choosing a bridesmaid and now you have a DH).

Did you not invite this couple and they are just getting their own back? just a thought as I seriously think its weird and rude to do this to you!

[BasinHaircut]

OP, to me, it sounds like you didn't get an evening invite, you weren't actually invited at all. No one was expecting you to fly to Bali for an evening do.

Your name wasn't on the invite. I think they have verbally offered the evening invite because your DH challenged them and they are trying to resolve without outright saying 'no, the invite is just for you'.

Whilst I can see how this is perceived as rude, I'm in the 'you get to invite who YOU want to YOUR wedding' camp.

I admit it is odd if it is a resort wedding, because guests usually cost the B&G so little per head, whilst being a long way to expect a guest from the UK to travel, especially half of a couple, when you consider the huge cost and chunk of annual leave attending would require.

BUT travelling to Bali will be no biggie for Aussie guests so they probably have a lot of people going, and so numbers might be tighter than you would expect if all guests were from the UK.

I'm going to go against the majority (well, all of you) and say that if I were you I'd be really embarrassed that DH had kicked off and essentially demanded me an invite to a wedding I wasn't invited to. If it doesn't suit you as a couple for DH to go on his own (as he is the only one invited), then he could have just declined.

[PegsPigs]

Yeah. Don't go. It's only going to be awkward now. Spend the same amount of money on a real dream holiday where you actually get to spend time together.

[DragonRojo]

I would not bother with this any more. I would simply decline and spend my money and annual leave in something I really want to do. Attending weddings is expensive, by the time you pay for dress, shoes, etc. Why waste your money to be with people who don't want you there? Besides, most likely your DP will hardly ever hear from his mate afterwards. How often did they talk after he moved to Australia? Were they madly missing each other or just exchanging a couple of emails per year?

[Queenbean]

The response about lack of space is bullshit, most weddings happen in the resort. So you mighty actually be able to see the ceremony from the pool anyway!

Sure this isn't like that episode of Friends where Monica doesn't get invited to the family wedding, turns up anyway to find that she's previously slept with the groom?!

[LondonLady29]

Hi all just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten and will update when there's news but at the moment it's gone quiet. Basically DP knows I don't want to go now but I think because a group of his friends are going he's really hoping the groom will turn around and give me a (pity) invite then he can suggest we go as a couple. Obviously I don't want that to happen as the whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth and I'll know they won't want me there anyway! And now if I refuse I'll look churlish but will cross that bridge when I get there.

I agree with some PP that I was probably never invited to any of it and the evening invite was a tack on compromise when DP spoke to the groom. I have always got on well with the groom he's really lovely but don't know the bride at all, she nerve really socialised with our group and the only time I met her was at one of DPs birthday parties but she was very quiet.

I hope I have a more exciting update for you all (and my work colleagues, RL friends who are all champing at the bit over this ) soon!

[lunar1]

This really is one of those times where your dh needs to just stand by his family. I honestly wouldn't be bothered if dh was invited to a wedding here without me. But to ask him to spend a huge amount of family money on their wedding is horrible.

He needs to tell his friend that what they have done is unacceptable and that neither of you will be going, and he needs to tell his friends exactly why he won't be there.

He can't put wanting to have fun with his mates before you on this one.

[Mrsjayy]

The cheek of them its not like its some hotel in the next town its Bali jeez people live on cloud cuckoo land yes just pop to Bali for the evening do