Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

AIBU?

Wedding invite, Bali

145 replies

LondonLady29 · 30/07/2015 21:38

A few weeks ago DP told me one of his friends (who one year ago emigrated to Australia) is getting married in Bali next summer and we are invited. We started planning a holiday. Yesterday the invite came with only DPs name on, no mention of me so I told him I'm not invited. He said he was sure if been mentioned in a text before and today checked with the groom who said I was invited to the evening do only not the main wedding.

So the couple expect us to travel to Bali and I hang around alone all day there (I won't know anyone else going), and DP will be at the wedding and I'll show up on the evening. I think it's the height of rudeness and I'm astounded at how crass this is. IMO it's worse than no invite. What does everyone else think?

OP posts:

Report

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 30/07/2015 23:03

Just read the thread and am amazed. To expect you both to spend all that money for you to go to an evening do! I don't like the idea of second class invitees anyway certainly not abroad. Thank heavens your DP has the right attitude. In your shoes I'd take umbrage and not go at all. I'm sure there are other lovely tropical islands you could go to!

sunshinerunner · 30/07/2015 23:10

Kiwiinkits did you mean to be quite so rude?

I'm presuming that the B&G are not planning on paying for the guests air fairs so yes fgs it is Bali .

One of the most fantastic places on earth to visit but I wouldn't be going over the duration of these particular peoples' wedding that's for sure.

sunshinerunner · 30/07/2015 23:11

fares even!

MidniteScribbler · 30/07/2015 23:16

Skip the wedding and go somewhere decent for a holiday. Bali is grim, I can't see what the appeal is.

Dynomite · 30/07/2015 23:17

Glad to hear DP is on your side (as any normal partner would). No way would I be spending all that time & money on a holiday and hotel I didn't choose so that I or my partner can be a second class guest.

And yes, FGS, it is Bali!!! A lovely and expensive holiday place if you're going from the UK which you should visit when you want to and with the people you actually want to be around!

CrapBag · 30/07/2015 23:22

Wow that is spectacularly rude and I don't think a partner always has to be invited to a wedding. When you are asking someone to fork out thousands to attend, you cannot issue an evening invite only!

The problem is, what are you going to do if they come back and say you can go now? I honestly wouldn't want to.

I'd go to Bali for a lovely holiday, for the two weeks after theirs.

pieceofpurplesky · 30/07/2015 23:38

I bet they had no intention of even inviting you to the evening do until your DP asked - they probably just thought he would go.
I for one would not be going and would be spending the money on a fantastic time for me and DP (not that I have one) somewhere where I didn't feel unwanted and uncomfortable. These are not friends.

Maryz · 30/07/2015 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fastdaytears · 30/07/2015 23:46

Thousands of pounds to go to an evening do? I'd ditch it. I'd feel really awkward turning up for the evening and quote resentful so wouldn't actually enjoy it.
Have a holiday with your DH when/where you want to and send a £10 JL voucher in a card with a sad puppy on to the thoughtless couple.

Collaborate · 30/07/2015 23:47

We got married 80 miles away from where we lived. All guests who lived near us were invited to the whole day, as we thought it unreasonable to expect someone to travel so far for just an evening do.

Bali is a tad further than 80 miles. They're taking the piss. I'd turn down their invitation. You'd only feel uncomfortable knowing you had to twist their arm to get a day invite. Bali's a lovely island. Go there a month earlier and Facebook your holiday photos!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/07/2015 23:49

Bali is a tad further than 80 miles.

ChasedByBees · 30/07/2015 23:50

Several thousand miles beyond rude!

Tryharder · 30/07/2015 23:51

I would be over the moon in your position.

You get to miss the boring ceremony and can spend the day on the beach and/or by the pool. And then turn up in the evening for the food and booze.

Sounds good to me.

HellRunner · 30/07/2015 23:53

unless you are the couple who are getting married (or v close parents/family) weddings are boring as sh%t.

Consider you have had a lucky escape and get thee to the pool/beach or something more interesting.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 30/07/2015 23:53

I think this is so crass its almost funny..!

TracyBarlow · 30/07/2015 23:55

How many people have they invited to fucking BALI that they have an a-list and a b-list?!

I bet no one goes and you get mysteriously upgraded to the full day, at which point you can tell them do one.

And YY to going to Bali just before them and Facebooking the photos. In fact, go and bloody get married there and upstage the fiancezillas.

5Foot5 · 30/07/2015 23:56

And yes, FGS, it is Bali!!! A lovely and expensive holiday place if you're going from the UK which you should visit when you want to and with the people you actually want to be around!

Agree entirely. the B & G are not exactly doing you a favour by inviting you to go to Bali. It is not as if they are funding the trip. You still have to pay to get there and pay for hotels etc. Not to mention using some of your annual leave from work.If you were planning a holiday in Bali anyway then great. But if not it does rather hijack any holiday plans you might otherwise have made.

And after all that only for an evening do......

cocobean2805 · 31/07/2015 00:16

Unbelievability rude! My initial reaction would be to respond saying 'we formally reject your invite, please stick it up your arse and we hope you both get the shits on your big selfish day!'

barbecue · 31/07/2015 00:16

YANBU. If your ideal holiday is on that particular day in Bali, then fine. But they've still been rude, expecting you to put in all the effort for travel, what you'll wear, a gift etc. and not even inviting you to the whole thing!

Summerisle1 · 31/07/2015 00:29

This would be bloody rude in Basingstoke. It's absolute cuntery to pull this trick in Bali!

I am not someone who believes that couples need to glue themselves together and of course it is possible to be separated from one's OH for the duration of a wedding. Nor do I have any objection to evening invitations. However, I still firmly believe that when inviting a couple to a wedding you invite both of them to all of it. The alternative being that you invite neither of them to any of it!

Zillie77 · 31/07/2015 00:37

Is the wedding being held in a closet or some similarly tiny-sized venue?

CleverPlansAndSecretTricks · 31/07/2015 00:40

And YY to going to Bali just before them and Facebooking the photos. In fact, go and bloody get married there and upstage the fiancezillas.

OMG yes ^ please do this!! You said DP not (yet) DH right? Lol.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

LondonLady29 · 31/07/2015 12:14

Thanks all. The invitation was magnetic and on our fridge. I put it in a drawer this morning as just looking at it was really winding me up! Don't want to go at all now, I resent the expense to be insulted like that. I'll update again when the groom comes back to DP.

I've been loving the suggestions of things to do though. I quite fancy planning our UK wedding in a remote outer Hebrides location and inviting the Bali bride and groom but telling them there's only room for the groom during the day ceremony, so can the bride please amuse herself until 8pm when she can arrive halfway through the party when everyone's pissed and she can have a warm glass of cava then? Oh and just to rub it in is put one of those awful "money not gifts please" poems in their invite but nobody else's!

OP posts:

Yarp · 31/07/2015 12:43

Are magnetic invitations now a "thing" ?

How novel!

Weddings have got a lot more complicated since the last time I went to one

Yarp · 31/07/2015 12:44

yy You could ask for a specific amount of money "to contribute towards a honeymoon in Bali"

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.