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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding invite, Bali

145 replies

LondonLady29 · 30/07/2015 21:38

A few weeks ago DP told me one of his friends (who one year ago emigrated to Australia) is getting married in Bali next summer and we are invited. We started planning a holiday. Yesterday the invite came with only DPs name on, no mention of me so I told him I'm not invited. He said he was sure if been mentioned in a text before and today checked with the groom who said I was invited to the evening do only not the main wedding.

So the couple expect us to travel to Bali and I hang around alone all day there (I won't know anyone else going), and DP will be at the wedding and I'll show up on the evening. I think it's the height of rudeness and I'm astounded at how crass this is. IMO it's worse than no invite. What does everyone else think?

OP posts:

Miggsie · 31/07/2015 12:55

My guess is they don't want you at all and only tacked you into the evening do as a sop to looking hospitable.

The fact that when your DH queried this they came up with a long list of excuses of why a mate's WIFE can't be with her husband - at a wedding, where, you know, you celebrate men and women being married as a joint unit - suggests to me they really don't want you there.

I find it deeply ironic that a man's wife is being banned from a wedding where people are celebrating togetherness...

I also find all invites that split the partner's into two levels of importantness and demote one one them to "evening only" offensive and rude anyway.

Yarp · 31/07/2015 13:00

The OP and her DP aren't married. Not that it still isn't rude, mind you.

The80sweregreat · 31/07/2015 13:04

Do what shiftyfades suggest, best advice on here. Beyond rude to even think this let alone do it! What did your partner say?

GoEasyPudding · 31/07/2015 13:33

They have been very rude to you three times in a row.

Firstly with no invite at all, and then just the evening do and then he's going to look into it? What next? You only get an invite if you send an audition tape and beg us on your knees?

KittensOnAPlane · 31/07/2015 13:46

or book your trip for the 2 weeks before by accident

LahLahsbigband · 31/07/2015 13:52

Is he marrying an Australian? If so I hope they're not suggesting evening invites to his future inlaws, as evening invites are unheard of in Australia; I had never known of the concept till I read of it on MN; the whole idea horrifies me for a wedding down the road, let alone hundreds of miles away. Bali is divine, and most weddings are just an add on package in the resort, held outside in the open air (so don't buy any excuses about space ). They are certainly not particularly expensive either.

ZenNudist · 31/07/2015 13:53

Don't go. It's such along way away and so expensive it would have to be for a destination you really want to go. They clearly don't value your dh as a friend if they can't sweetheart get need to invite his wife if hes flying all that way.

coconutpie · 31/07/2015 13:59

An evening invitation to a wedding in Bali?

This is the best bridezilla behaviour yet!

Leeds2 · 31/07/2015 14:50

I would decline now, for both you and DP, to avoid any awkwardness should they deign to invite you to the whole thing. If they do that, you will look churlish if you then refuse. I would prefer to get in first. There is no way on earth I would attend in the circumstances you describe.

AliceAlice1979 · 31/07/2015 15:18

Oh my word.
If they invite you to the whole thing now you'd know it's because they feel forced to - and there is no way they really want you there.... No chance I would go to the ceremony etc now.

LilyMayViolet · 31/07/2015 15:20

It's just astounding that when planning their Bali wedding they actually thought it'd be acceptable to have an all day guest list and an evening only guest list! People will have spent a fortune getting there...it's just incredible! I definitely wouldn't go. If I was going to have a beautiful holiday in such a location I'd want to do it on my own terms.

expatinscotland · 31/07/2015 15:20

I would never have considered going to such a wedding. Rude as fuck. Send them a card. NO fucking gift.

This is a no-brainer. Just decline, fuck all this 'find something else to do' and compromise BS.

yorkshapudding · 31/07/2015 15:23

So, initially you weren't invited at all (your name wasn't on the invite, they were clearly assuming your DP would just go alone), then when challenged about your lack of invite by DP they decide you're invited to the evening do (clearly an afterthought, how were you supposed to tell that from the invitation?), then when your DP points out the ridiculousness of expecting someone to fly to fucking Bali for an evening reception you get a "we'll see what we can do" and are presumably expected to wait with baited breath for them to decide whether you are worthy of a proper invite . There is not a cats chance in hell I would be going after all that. It would be so awkward knowing they didn't really want you there.

baldbyfifty · 31/07/2015 15:26

WTF?!!! lmao hey come to Bali spend thousands getting here but your only welcome in the evening??!!! Get to fuck......go somewhere deliciously hot and sunny instead and send them a £5 argos voucher.

YouTheCat · 31/07/2015 15:32

You absolutely must go!

Find out which beach they're having their photos taken on and photobomb every single pic in your bikini.

Pinot4me · 31/07/2015 15:36

That's terribly rude and insensitive! Cheeky buggers!

PatriciaHolm · 31/07/2015 15:44

Is your relationship very recent? In another post you refer to having been married for 3 years; so is this DP very recent? Maybe that's the reason they didn't invite you at first - it's a very new relationship?

Yarp · 31/07/2015 16:12

Patricia

Yes, I was wondering that

Original poster

LondonLady29 · 31/07/2015 16:53

Hi all no it's not a recent relationship sorry should have said DH not DP and "planning a wedding in the UK" was just to show how ridiculous their concept was, apologies for confusion.

GoEasyPudding I totally agree with the auditioning metaphor!

Miggsie Yes I agree I think DP was the only one invited, and when he challenged the groom he compromised with the evening invite. But why would you invite someone to go to Bali without their DP? It's a big ask surely.

Lahlahsbigband Yes he is marrying an Australian girl.

YouTheCat I love that idea. I also love the idea of going wearing a wedding dress. My favourite idea is of course not going at all!

OP posts:

Shakey1500 · 31/07/2015 17:00

Arf at "audition tape"
One of the rudest things I've ever read. Eitherway you'll be a bloody afterthought. I'd go to Bali if your DH really wants to attend (but thumbs up for him saying all or nothing ) and, as suggested, bugger about on the beach all day and have a spectacular lunch a une in the evening.

whois · 31/07/2015 17:21

They sounds rude.

BUT if I wanted to go to Bali anyway and the timing worked, I would do the holiday and send DP off to the wedding on his own.

ememem84 · 31/07/2015 17:34

Part of me thinks I'd be ok with this and would love to be on my own in Bali. but that part of me is a liar

I've been in a similar situation. Dhs friend got married in Colorado. Dh never showed me the invite. He booked our flights. Told me everything was ok. Etc etc. groom had okd it. (Invite only to dh).

Turns out bride didn't know anything about it. Luckily, we were there a week before the wedding. Luckily bride is lovely. Luckily they expected everyone to bring buffet food (so no head count) and we all had a good laugh about it. groom was seriously told off

ememem84 · 31/07/2015 17:34

But I think you're right. Either everyone or no one.

GloGirl · 31/07/2015 17:39

That's awful! I would be tempted to say no, and then go on holiday to Bali a month earlier, to the same resort

Use the same level of balls when telling them they just made it sound so appealling.

Make sure you book the honeymoon suite.

Floggingmolly · 31/07/2015 17:42

Rude as bedamned. Why do people keep saying "but it's Bali!, it's beautiful, you'll love spending time alone there"???
If op has a burning desire to explore the delights of Bali she can go anytime she pleases under her own steam. She doesn't need to go when summoned to a wedding she's not even invited to.
Tell them to fuck off, op and ignore their wedding (demand for cash) poem, I'm sure there'll be one

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