Wedding invite, Bali

[LondonLady29]

A few weeks ago DP told me one of his friends (who one year ago emigrated to Australia) is getting married in Bali next summer and we are invited. We started planning a holiday. Yesterday the invite came with only DPs name on, no mention of me so I told him I'm not invited. He said he was sure if been mentioned in a text before and today checked with the groom who said I was invited to the evening do only not the main wedding.

So the couple expect us to travel to Bali and I hang around alone all day there (I won't know anyone else going), and DP will be at the wedding and I'll show up on the evening. I think it's the height of rudeness and I'm astounded at how crass this is. IMO it's worse than no invite. What does everyone else think?

[TheGonnagle]

I'm with sunshine

[sunshinerunner]

It really is the Balinese that makes Bali so wonderful, saying it's like Magaluf is like saying the whole of Spain is horrible based on that one resort. Bit small minded. Kuta is dreadful but there are some truly gorgeous places and as I said the people are so lovely.

[MissDemelzaCarne]

Weddings seem to turn some people batshit crazy, that's beyond rude!

[DiamondsInTheFlesh]

That's so rude. They've not pre-planned to invite you to just the evening do though because originally they didn't want you at all. I wouldn't go somewhere I'm not wanted but I would go with dp to Bali, have a lovely holiday & he can go off for 1 day to the wedding while you skip it altogether & spa it out. My idea of bliss and a little snub to them not to go at all even though you're in the country

[FishWithABicycle]

It's massively rude to invite in this way to an overseas wedding - they have to realise they are requesting you spend your entire year's holiday budget on their wedding - tbf that ought to mean some hospitality laid on the day before and after as well as the full wedding day. An evening-do-only invite is insane. However, any upgrade you got now would clearly be a begrudged pity-invite and you wouldn't feel welcome, so personally I still wouldn't go.

[wafflyversatile]

I do think it is rude but you either want a holiday in bali or you don't. If you do then go and have a nice chilled out day relaxing in your own company for a few hours. If you don't, don't go. As with any wedding it's an invitation not a summons.

[TheBobbinIsWound]

Wow.
That's hideous. How unbelievably rude of his "friends"

I thought that if you were expecting people to spend hundreds on flights, take serious holiday (not just allocate a weekend) and to fly thousands of miles to attend your wedding then you invited them to everything. TBH I think that rule would apply to traveling to Ireland (am in London)

They're unbelievably rude and crass. My DP wouldn't go if we were in that position. I wouldn't ask him not to, I just know that he wouldn't consider it because he's too polite.

The "friends" can fuck the fuck off and you and your DP book a lovely holiday somewhere you are planning to go to and preferably over their wedding dates.

[TheGonnagle]

Wow that's rude.
But in Bali's defence (somewhere I love dearly and have friends) only the south of the island is shockingly hideous and like Magaluf (Kuta really really is horrible), a lot of the island is unutterably lovely.
But they can definitely fuck right off with the weird passive aggressive invite thing!

[ListenWillYou]

is all have to say

[ralphlauren]

In fact Coco, if I was OP and decided to go it would be my aim to make sure they had they did get the shits, just for my own delight payback

[CalmYourselfTubbs]

YANBU.
they are hugely rude and quite honestly come across as entirely ignorant.

they deserve each other. hopefully they'll stay married to each other for a lifetime and won't spread their cuntiness to other partners.
i would not go. fuck that.
anyway - bali isn't that good.
much nicer tropical beaches elsewhere.

[SinglePringle]

I think they are still DPs to each other, together 3 years and the second DH was a typo. That's how I read it b

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

Unbelievably rude If I were the Bride and Groom, I would be embarrassed to send out and invitation like that. I think that if you are asking someone to travel so far then it's a whole day invite. Don't get angry, just refuse to go.

[GobblersKnob]

Dammit, pelvic and Nl, I just spent the whole of my mid-morning cup of tea on this thread.

[iamanintrovert]

Yes I was also going to suggest that you originally weren't even invited to the evening do, otherwise that would have been on the written invitation.

I think it's rude. I'm middle aged and in my day we would always have invited a couple even if we only knew one of them.

[cleanmyhouse]

I agree pelvic it is a bit confusing

[cocobean2805]

Thanks Ralph

[ralphlauren]

Can't stop laughing at Coco requests that they get the shits on their big day!

[MyPelvicFloorTrainsItself]

It's a bit confusing isn't it NL? Married three years ago but only choosing bridesmaids now?

[Northernlurker]

The update I'm hanging on for is the one where the current dh gets to know about the wedding to somebody else that the OP is planning Because why else would you need bridesmaids?

[Mrsjayy]

The cheek of them its not like its some hotel in the next town its Bali jeez people live on cloud cuckoo land yes just pop to Bali for the evening do

[lunar1]

This really is one of those times where your dh needs to just stand by his family. I honestly wouldn't be bothered if dh was invited to a wedding here without me. But to ask him to spend a huge amount of family money on their wedding is horrible.

He needs to tell his friend that what they have done is unacceptable and that neither of you will be going, and he needs to tell his friends exactly why he won't be there.

He can't put wanting to have fun with his mates before you on this one.

[LondonLady29]

Hi all just wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten and will update when there's news but at the moment it's gone quiet. Basically DP knows I don't want to go now but I think because a group of his friends are going he's really hoping the groom will turn around and give me a (pity) invite then he can suggest we go as a couple. Obviously I don't want that to happen as the whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth and I'll know they won't want me there anyway! And now if I refuse I'll look churlish but will cross that bridge when I get there.

I agree with some PP that I was probably never invited to any of it and the evening invite was a tack on compromise when DP spoke to the groom. I have always got on well with the groom he's really lovely but don't know the bride at all, she nerve really socialised with our group and the only time I met her was at one of DPs birthday parties but she was very quiet.

I hope I have a more exciting update for you all (and my work colleagues, RL friends who are all champing at the bit over this ) soon!

[Queenbean]

The response about lack of space is bullshit, most weddings happen in the resort. So you mighty actually be able to see the ceremony from the pool anyway!

Sure this isn't like that episode of Friends where Monica doesn't get invited to the family wedding, turns up anyway to find that she's previously slept with the groom?!

[DragonRojo]

I would not bother with this any more. I would simply decline and spend my money and annual leave in something I really want to do. Attending weddings is expensive, by the time you pay for dress, shoes, etc. Why waste your money to be with people who don't want you there? Besides, most likely your DP will hardly ever hear from his mate afterwards. How often did they talk after he moved to Australia? Were they madly missing each other or just exchanging a couple of emails per year?