I'm an entitled spoilt bitch

[OnlyWantsOne]

Last week we got married

Today is my birthday. My husband bought (and wrapped) for me, a bag of morisons popcorn.

[ColdMeatPlatter]

Sorry I assumed you would get to choose and there would a taxi involved.

[ColdMeatPlatter]

Tell your friend the babysitter let you down so DH can't go. Then they don't have to know x

[Ragwort]

OP - I don't like my birthday because every year he buys some crap that's useless, or writes 'IOU a trip to London to go shopping. Which he never actually wants to do

So you have known this for eight years and you decide to marry him - if it is that important to you why on earth hadn't you tackled it before you got married? . Did you honestly think he would change over night?

[Lizzylou]

Why would you be driving?

[HeyDuggee]

It's not just a bag of popcorn. She broke her tooth on popcorn and still hasn't gotten it fixed. He knew that. So unless he put a gift certificate to her dentist at the bottom of that popcorn bag - it's purposefully insulting and mocking.

If I broke my ankle on a piece of ice that fell on the floor, then (while still healing) my DH dragged me out shopping the day before my birthday, and built up expectations of presents because it's the first year we've been married... Then got me a plastic ice tray and shrugged pretending to not understand when I cried... Yes, divorce.

Forgetting a birthday or being bad at buying presents is very different.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Op if you were near me I'd take you out on the razz. Or you can come here for wine, supper and hot tub.

I feel disappointed for you I really do

Some of the snippets you're saying about him don't sound good to be honest. Not good at all

[ahbollocks]

Please don't think I'm a lunatic but I remember your name from way back - were you not trying to leave him/stop contact with dd a few years ago?

Apologies if not.

Anyway, sounds like a whole heap of game playing and dramatics.
In your shoes I'd buy a present to myself and stuff myself with cake.

[spanky2]

My closest friend gave her DH a list of easily ordered presents. He still got her nothing! Nothing! The only things she had to unwrap was my gift for her and three things she got herself. He loves her. Maybe he loves you but has no empathy or understanding of how important it is to you. Make sure you explain clearly how you feel to him. He should buy you something nice!

[Baddz]

Well
You got your wedding.
That's what you wanted.
He hasn't changed.
Why did you think a ring would magically transform him into a decent nice human being?

[NoRockandRollFun]

Do you have a joint account? Order yourself something nice on the Credit card, get it express delivery if possible so it arrives tomorrow. Get yourself a take away while your there and a bottle of wine. Go on, you have my permission.

[woowoo22]

Why can't you be honest with your friends? They've probably already guessed things are not rosy.

[KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable]

To do that, I have to admit that he's less than perfect to my friends. Which I can't do.

Why?

[Stickerrocks]

After 8 years & 3 kids I would have been really looking forward to going out for a meal. Do you really think that simply popping a ring on your finger would have changed his approach to presents & birthdays? You either need to lower your expectations or starting talking to him like an adult, rather than cutting your nose off to spite your face by cancelling babysitters and throwing a tantrum. Crying since yesterday is a slightly over the top reaction, especially as you hadn't even been given the popcorn at that point. You do sound hard work.

[CocktailQueen]

You need to sit down with your dh and tell him how you feel and what you would like to happen for your birthday. But of course he should know this already...

What do you do for his birthday?? Does he make it a big deal? Dopes he buy gifts for his family on their birthdays?? It does sound very crap and thoughtless. As for not booking a table at a restaurant - ffs! How useless. It takes 5 mins to do.

YANBU to be so upset and sad.

Happy birthday!

[CocktailQueen]

Right, have RFTF. Ask him why he thinks it's OK for you to go all out for his bday and buy him nice things when he CBA to do anything nice for your birthday at all. He sounds ... uncaring ... in the extreme.

[eggyface]

I feel there's a lot of resentment and misery here and I feel sorry to hear you are so upset OP. I think the real issues are:

1. you are unhappy because you feel he has hinted st doing something nice for you but hugely failed to deliver AND more to the point will not or cannot take you seriously when you say you are hurt by this
   
2. He is so emotionally frozen he believes your tears are an attempt to manipulate him; which means he is not seeing you or giving you credit for being a real person with legitimate feelings. This is contemptuous and a real serious red flag.
   
3. You are unable or unwilling to make clear that your expectations are reasonable. Perhaps you feel you have no sanctions? If you said to him "This is unacceptable, you need to demonstrate some care and affection in a way that is meaningful to me" and he did not or could not - what would you do?
   

It sounds to me that you want him to change but you are not prepared to put a marker down in case he doesn't.

it sounds a scary place to be. Could you try and connect with friends or family? I was sad to read that you feel lonely and it seems you need support IRL.

[OnlyWantsOne]

^ what eggy said

But I don't know what to do.

[liquidrevolution]

My birthday was shortly after we got married. DH bought me a frying pan. It was the one thing that was not bought off the wedding gift list. His presents are usually pretty rubbish.

I feel your pain.

My response is that I have gradually stopped buying well thought out brilliant presents for him. Its his birthday this weekend and he curently has a box of Heroes.

[AskBasil]

"He thinks if a woman cries she is just trying to emotional manipulate him."

Men who think this generally hate women.

[Pepperonipeteczar]

Sorry you sound like a spoilt teenager. You really do.

[Garlick]

You've been with him 8 years? So it wasn't just 2012, 2013 and 2014 he was being a dismissive cunt towards you; he was also the earlier DP that kept walking out and leaving you just when you needed him?

Oh, lovely :( :( You got married. He took the piss. Just quit now, why don't you?

I am pretty sure that at least a third of these friends can see what a prat he is. You can't fool all of the people all of the time. They won't be surprised when you dump him.

[Mama1980]

You do sound so unhappy and lonely op. Can you reach out try to reconnect with your friends? If not today then soon.
Re the present yep popcorn as a present is shit.
one of my brothers bought his new wife for her first Mother's Day...a key ring, a cheap plastic key ring. We all tried to tell him, and when she got it sobbed her heart out. He was mortified he got it so wrong and ran around desperately trying to fix it and has never made the same mistake again. The key thing is he hated that he'd caused hurt even though it was a genuine mistake at not understanding what she wanted.
The fact that your husband just shrugged off your tears is awful.

[LazySusan11]

Happy birthday! If it makes you feel any better on my birthday my dh brought me a cup of tea in bed carrying a large gift bag, inside an unwrapped toblerone.

[ashmts]

How would it have been a meal at the Thai restaurant? Earlier you said he had no suggestions for what to do, it can't be both.

Sorry, it sounds like there's a lot more to this but I don't think this is that bad. I would also assume that birthday shopping meant you would pick something and he would pay.

[achieve6]

OP "To do that, I have to admit that he's less than perfect to my friends. Which I can't do."

why not? One of my friends had a terrible marriage for about 5 years and she said something about "hiding it from friends out of loyalty". She regrets that now. Really they should have divorced after one year. We were all here, ready, as proper friends, to support her. Now, looking back she doesn't know why she didn't tell us - I think she was hiding it from herself rather than us.

or - do you mean you haven't got real friends, as they don't seem to be around on your birthday either?

You can't live a miserable life because of what it looks like to other people! that's crazy. If you care what others think, you might find that they all say "oh good, I wondered why you married that a-hole"!!!