I'm an entitled spoilt bitch

[OnlyWantsOne]

Last week we got married

Today is my birthday. My husband bought (and wrapped) for me, a bag of morisons popcorn.

[TheseventeenthSixteen]

Only. You need to draw a line under today I think and get to bed.
Then I think you really need to think about what you would like to do - to stay (because you love your DH and he loves you) or to work towards leaving (you feel you cannot be happy with this man).

Forget what friends and family think. This is about YOU. It doesn't matter if they think he is a mixture of Jesus and the Dalai Lama. What matters is what YOU think about him.

I left my ex, when the thought of staying was worse than the thought of leaving. That was after 23 years of marriage. The one thing I regret in my life is not telling anyone how utterly miserable and lonely I was, for not getting advice/help and for wasting the best years of my life with someone who was just not worth it.

I left with £750 to my name and ended up homeless. I am in council accommodation and don't have much money but I have peace of mind and have never been happier. I wish someone would have told me I could leave, despite not having the means to earn much (or anything.)

The birthday 'gift' might have been the catalyst for you to make some important changes. Or you might choose to forget about how you feel and move on. It's up to you.

MN can give you the support you need if you do decide to leave. I think the posters saying they feel sorry for the DH in this. I really have no idea why.

[tallwivglasses]

Oh well, at least she got a nice scarf from her sister with chickens on it

[eggyface]

Only, please come back - we'd like to help you if we can.

[MistressDeeCee]

He probably didn't make a fuss about buying a present or going out because you said you don't want much made of your birthday...then from the sounds of it were in a mood on the present buying trip..cancelled babysitter..then sulking. To be honest all that would get on my nerves if my partner tried that, I prefer people to say what they want, not pretend they don't want anything and then when they get nothing, its the big sulk. Its gameplaying. You KNOW you want a fuss made of your birthday, so why pretend?

The shopping trip was specifically to choose a present for you - so why didn't you just choose one? as for cancelling babysitter - he booked a babysitter but YOU cancelled? Why? You know you don't need restaurant reservations midweek..then again maybe you expected he would have reserved somewhere? OK he didn't but you could have still chosen somewhere to go, babysitter was already booked.

If you want a fuss made of your birthday - say so. The long face & attitude is self-sabotaging. Whilst I think he was an arse to buy you the popcorn - thats not on - you seem to have made a big unhappy drama and saga when you could have had the day you wanted anyway, at least in some ways. I may have said different if you didn't go for the birthday shop and your DH hadn't booked a babysitter. But, you went shopping. & he did book sitter. His actions aren't perfect in this at all but nor are yours..you sound as if you are angry inside at him about other things, and its probably best you sort that out asap..say what it is, and be direct.

Id still have made my birthday nicer tho, in your shoes..there were ways to salvage it.

[TheRealAmyLee]

I thought this was a lighthearted sarcy post so sorry. Hope you are ok. You need to talk to someone about what's really going on. Please find a friend to confide in. It will help you figure stuff out.

[Ohfourfoxache]

You're not coming back, are you Only

All I can guess is that you're sad at the state of things and you want to bury your head in the sand and forget that yesterday happened. Because he's better than your ex. Because you don't believe you deserve better than this twunt.

I hope to god I'm wrong

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

He panicked and bought popcorn at Morrisons? Seriously, even in a panic, you can do better than that for a birthday gift at Morrisons. He could have bought her a bottle of wine, chocolate, cake, card, ingredients for a nice supper that he will make, flowers. But a bag of popcorn? Who in their right mind would think that was a caring option?

[Dowser]

Wanna...I'm finding these one line answers frustrating too.
Before I put my energy into this OP in order to help you I/we need to know exactly where you are coming from.

Otherwise we are trying to pull rabbits out of hats and it's just not going to work.

If you love your husband and you want it to work you need to change your behaviour.

If you don't love him. If you feel you are in an abusive relationship and want to leave then you need to tell us so you can get the best advice to do it wisely and safely.

You sound down and dispirited like you've had the life force sucked out of you.

Now then. What do YOU want to do? Weve heard all about him but very little about you.

[Gymbob]

hugs from me, and belated good wishes.

ex dh, bought me a set of 3 frying pans. he seriously thought I'd be delighted.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Op your story rings a bell - did you post about your birthday last year?

[PUGaLUGS]

for you OP. Am sorry you dudnt have a nice birthday.

How do you pay for food shopping? Or does he do it? If your tooth needs fixing that badly, honestly you should use whatever means you can.

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

You're not odd postchildren it's exactly the same in our house. We don't do cards, presents or cakes, or surprises, but DH is a very lovely person and is extremely kind.

The OP describes a very miserable situation and yet is a bride of only one week

[ssd]

no way op!!

[SylvanianCaracal]

Actually OP shouldn't have to beg for money to have a tooth fixed. In a marriage (or LTR with children) where one person is earning enough to cover that kind of thing (as he clearly is) the SAHP should have control of the money s/he needs to run the home, the family and their own needs. It should be available in a joint or household account and the SAHP shouldn't be disapproved of for using it for essentials.

Within reason obviously, and I wouldn't say the same about expensive cosmetic dentistry, but this is basically a routine medical bill for an injury. She might mention it if money's a bit tight – "I got that tooth fixed today, it cost £xxx so I'm planning to cut back a bit on the food shopping for a while" – but it shouldn't be denied or unavailable.

[ilovesooty]

I really can't understand why you entered into marriage if your relationship had been so unsatisfactory for such a long period of time.

[SanityClause]

RTFT, Timetoask. Your question will be answered.

[bigTillyMint]

OP I am sorry you had a shit birthday. It sound like you need to decide exactly what you want for/on your birthday and tell him clearly in advance. My DH is generally shit at presents, so I long ago said I would rather have money, and he knows to book a restaurant. He is not capable of surprises, but that is OK as I know what to expect after 20 years!

The comment about you not having enough money to mend your tooth is worrying - does he hold the purse - strings because you don't work? He doesn't see you as an equal partner. That needs addressing immediately. Tell him what you want to happen and if he can't explain himself/change his attitude in a way that suits you, it's time to think about your future, as others have said.

[Timetoask]

Op how is he generally with you?
I am a woman and I am useless with presents for DH, hate buying them can't think of anything. I really don't see the point of them. We are grown ups (not kiddies) we don't need stuff cluttering out lives, I'd rather spend it on a day out.

[derxa]

[shadowfax07]

Friends all think he is charming and lovely

I'll bet you a fiver, no, make that a tenner that they don't.

[Postchildrenpregranny]

Why did you get married?

[Postchildrenpregranny]

(Havent read ft yet) As you have three childrenI'm assuming you have been together some time? What normally happens on birthdays.? I'm probably not the right person to comment as I usually buy my own birthday presents and have for years (I'm picky) .And we never bother with cards as we live in the same house.But I realise I'm maybe a bit odd.I ' judge' the DH more on how he treats me day to day and he is actually very generous (which sounds a bit little woman but I am anything but)

[Changerazelea]

Sorry you had a crap birthday OP.
I once got a pineapple for Valentine's Day. A pineapple.

[ijustwannadance]

But she hasnt actually said he wont pay to get tooth fixed, has she.
Just one line comments that dont answer much. Even though several posters asked same thing.

[CatMilkMan]

I feel even worst for her DH after your comment. Long back story because he is a knob.... Maybe I'm just too tired to answer honestly, sorry.