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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm an entitled spoilt bitch

227 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 30/07/2015 17:27

Last week we got married

Today is my birthday. My husband bought (and wrapped) for me, a bag of morisons popcorn.

OP posts:

BettyCatKitten · 30/07/2015 18:46

Happy birthday
Sorry you've had such a shit day.
How long have you been with this generous twat?

Katedotness1963 · 30/07/2015 18:49

Leave him? Because he forgot a birthday? Seems a little extreme...

Have an early night, drink your wine and tomorrow morning go and buy yourself an outstanding birthday present. Spoil yourself rotten!

For the future, get yourself an Amazon wish list and start reminding him to check it a month before your birthday/mothers day/Christmas.

Last Christmas I got a three pack of socks which my youngest immediately claimed because they were soft and fluffy...

RJnomore · 30/07/2015 18:49

Op I'd be livid. It's my birthday next week and if that happened I would seriously divorce him. I don't care if it makes me spoilt or entitled. I don't care if we have little money one year - it's not about the actual present. It's about someone taking time to think whT you would like and looking after you a little. To me, this is him showing you what he thinks of you. And it's not bloody much.

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 30/07/2015 18:51

For his birthday in October I organised a surprise party for him at our local pub with his family and friends, then sat up to 4 am pouring drink down his and his friends necks. Then got up with the kids at 5am and let him sleep in til the afternoon.

I'm a fucking mug.

I'd forgotten that. What a shitter.

He could have of least put £20 in a fucking envelope and said spend it on some thing you'd like.

I've told him how I feel and how sad I am. He's just shrugged his shoulders.

He's cooked tea for the kids and has eaten it with them.

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 30/07/2015 18:54

Is he often like this?
Is it possible that you thought he would be different if you were married.
Or is this whole thing - the behaviour and the shrugging - unusual?

XiCi · 30/07/2015 18:56

It's bullshit that men are rubbish at present buying. Just an excuse for shit partners who couldn't care less. All the men in my life DP, dad, brother, friends give really thoughtful presents. I hate the way really poor behaviour is excused by saying 'oh all men are like that' they're not!

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 30/07/2015 18:56

I suppose it's normal. But today it hit me, a bag of popcorn. 8 years, 3 kids and he gives me a bag of popcorn.

OP posts:

stepsharp · 30/07/2015 18:57

He's being a total arse. What was your wedding like?

LittleGwyneth · 30/07/2015 18:59

I can't believe anyone on here has the gall to be unsympathetic to the OP. Come on, a bag of popcorn for your birthday? I'd go fucking livid.

Agree with the other posters, best thing to do at this point is try and give yourself a fun night. Maybe have a long bath with your wine, ring up a friend, watch a show you really like on your own, order a really yummy take away (and charge it to his card/joint account if possible.)

Then tomorrow calmly explain that a bad of popcorn is not cutting it, ask him if he can see a difference between how you celebrate his and how he celebrates yours. Ask if he can see why that would be upsetting. If he's really not capable of seeing it then suggest you give him a gift list to choose from.

On the upside when your kids get a bit older they might be good at helping/pushing your OH into more appropriate birthday behaviour. I'm sorry it's been a shit day though.

KitKat1985 · 30/07/2015 18:59

Yes that is a shit present - you have my sympathies! My DH isn't great at presents either. For our first Christmas together after we got married he got me an alarm clock. The only thing I can say for advice is that I've learnt that it's not so much that he doesn't want to get me a nice present, it's that he literally often has no idea what to buy, even if to me there are several obvious gifts, so often he goes with something crap 'practical'. Men just don't seem to get that women often want thoughtful / romantic gifts. To be honest you may not have helped with saying you don't want to do anything for your birthday, as you have been therefore giving mixed messages. The key, as I've found, is to tell your DH clearly what you do want several weeks in advance, and be specific. E.G, Say 'I want you to buy me X', or 'for my birthday I'd like to take you to X place'. Men just don't seem to get hints! For tonight I suggest you draw a line under it and tell your DH that the popcorn was a shit gift, and that you will therefore be booking a babysitter for the weekend and booking a table at x restaurant where he will be buying you an amazing 3 course meal with champagne.

Garlick · 30/07/2015 19:00

He said wife presents are better than girlfriend presents. Last week we got married. He gave me a bag of popcorn.

He artificially raised your expectations. He let you down. He was lying. Or he meant presents from wives are better. Either way, he knew what he was doing. Sounds like he thinks it's funny.

He thinks if a woman cries she is just trying to emotional manipulate him.

It's all about him. He has no empathy or sympathy.

I recommend you un-marry him.

Pagwatch · 30/07/2015 19:02

Oh, after 8 years it does sound like that's just how he is.

You poor thing. Have you been just feeling like you all make a fuss and sort of ignoring his attitude?
He does sound indifferent to your feelings.
The shrugging and 'why are you sniffing' is worse than the shit present tbh

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 30/07/2015 19:03

Most men are shit at the birthday stuff. Hints, tips, hoping to be surprised/swept off feet ... It all falls on deaf ears.

Being decent at buying presents is learned behaviour. Men are just as capable of learning this as women are.

After being a little disappointed once (we've been quite skint so were rather lax on whether we were even doing presents sometimes, and DP finds receiving presents quite uncomfortable in case he disappoints with his own reaction to them), on my birthday this year I received a package which DP was very worried I might think was lame. He'd remembered a funny cartoon strip from a website that I thought was really cool and insightful a couple of months before, and ordered a cuddly toy and a mug related to said comic strip especially, from the US. It's probably not something I would have thought to buy for myself, but it was very thoughtful and cute.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/07/2015 19:03

Please tell me that he didn't cook dinner for him and the kids and not you?!

Dowser · 30/07/2015 19:04

My oh ' didn't believe in sending cards!'

Well he does now.

Sloppy ones with lots of kisses.

Just how I like them.

Op I can't get my head around this popcorn. Is so not a present like a nice bar of chocolate would be.

He might as well have wrapped a tin of beans.

Weird. Just weird.

I would fully have expected cinema tix, theatre tix. A trip to Hollywood , Disney studios , Harry potter studios.....but not just popcorn.

Is he having a breakdown?

Specially after what you got him.

Garlick · 30/07/2015 19:10

Apologies, Only, I've just searched your messages as I thought I recognised something. He's been an arse since 2012!

I hope you enjoyed your wedding. I also hope you now recognise a ring won't suddenly morph him into the partner you deserve, or the father your children need. In fact, that would be a very good birthday present.

How was the book?

LittleLionMansMummy · 30/07/2015 19:12

Men aren't shit at buying presents they're just as capable as the rest of us. It's lazy and thoughtless and you have my sympathies OP. I have been bought popcorn before, but dh did it as an additional present because he knows I like unwrapping lots of little presents - he also had a meal and film night planned. I would contact a friend and go out on the lash to celebrate OP, let him take care of the kids.

daisydukes229 · 30/07/2015 19:13

You sound like a nightmare tbh

I'd probably shrug and ignore someone if they had cut their nose off to spite their face too.

He arranged a babysitter so you could have a nice night, you've decided to cancel the babysitter so you can sit and sulk instead and tell everyone how hard done by you are. That's not his fault, that's yours.

PS you also have no idea whether or not he had another gift to give you when you went out but has decided not to bother because of how terribly you are acting

CurbsideProphet · 30/07/2015 19:14

OnlyWantsOne
I'm really sad for you. He got your hopes up and then gave you a bag of popcorn. To me that is intentionally mean. Now he is pretending not to notice you are crying.

It doesn't take much to buy a thoughtful gift for your partner, as you should have some idea of what things they like. Even if it's just a voucher for a shop they like.

I think you need to have a proper conversation with him about how unappreciated you feel.

Sazzle41 · 30/07/2015 19:16

Unless it was M&S popcorn which is the dogs/only decent kind of popcorn there is (drools ever so slightly) ... I would have hit him over the head with it. Set the ground rules now/start as you mean to go on, that is a rubbish present and he has making up to do. Big time. And if he is still really crap, present him with a list of suitable items well in advance next time. Some men need specifics, they cant use their imagination or think too hard when it come to presents, or their brains explode.

Momzilla82 · 30/07/2015 19:17

Ok. Go put on something nice. Ring a good friend. Go out til late and have a bitch fest and get hideously drunk. It's the only way to salvage this. Happy birthday

ColdMeatPlatter · 30/07/2015 19:29

Surely a slap up meal at somewhere of your choosing and a babysitter is a lovely gift in itself? But it's spoiled now. Sorry I think you have spoiled your own birthday. (although I haven't read your previous threads). And if I cried and ranted at my DH (it has been done in the past!) he prob would just shrug his shoulders until I calm down. No point discussing it when upset. We have a good chat later about it. I do feel for you though x

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 30/07/2015 19:29

To do that, I have to admit that he's less than perfect to my friends. Which I can't do.

OP posts:

Original poster

OnlyWantsOne · 30/07/2015 19:30

Oh and it's not a slap up meal, it was going to be a meal at the thai restaurant. He would be drinking and I would be driving. That's it.

OP posts:

Humansatnav · 30/07/2015 19:31

What a wanker !

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