I'm an entitled spoilt bitch

[OnlyWantsOne]

Last week we got married

Today is my birthday. My husband bought (and wrapped) for me, a bag of morisons popcorn.

I had a birthday like this a few years ago.

My birthday fell on Mother's Day (my first Mother's Day) DP asked if I wanted anything in particular, there was nothing I could think of, I assumed he'd surprise me instead with a gift or at least book a babysitter and take me out for dinner or something.

He did nothing, absolutely nothing, when asked why he did nothing, he said that I couldn't think of anything I wanted or wanted to do so he assumed I didn't want a fuss made or to celebrate.

I cried, he cried. He's never done it again and I've always been a bit more vocal and specific with what I'd like to happen.

Happy Birthday
His behaviour is appalling and you've every right to feel as you do.

He just asked me why I keep sniffing.

You need to tell him exactly why you are so upset. Tell him straight. Unless he's exceptionally stupid he must know he's behaved really badly
What did you say when you opened the popcorn?

I think you're right to be upset, that is shitty behaviour. Even if you don't want to do something big for your birthday you still deserve a better present from popcorn (that you don't even bloody eat!).

Is there still time to get a takeaway and some wine? Maybe send him out for it.

It could be that he genuinely didn't think you wanted to do anything at all, but to give a bit of build up with the "wife presents" comment and then not follow up is pretty lousy.

Are you going to tell him why you're sniffing though, or just carry on hoping his psychic powers kick in?

It sounds like you have trouble communicating and that you want him to just 'know' what you want but you aren't prepared to spell it out.

I asked him if it was a joke. He said no. I burst into tears. Then my 4yo asked for some so I opened it and put some in a bowl. He wandered off. Dd wandered off with her bowl of popcorn and I cried in the kitchen on my own.

People are being very mean. Who the hell was it upthread who said he bought her something to unwrap? A packet of popcorn doesn't count, ffs!

He went shopping with you and bought you nothing. He booked a babysitter (big deal, one text) and expected you to plan the evening. He gets you IOUs that he doesn't follow up with.

He's not doing well, is he? Was he like this before you married him? What's he done on previous birthdays?

Are you sure its not a bit of a wind up and he actually does have something good planned?

I agree the comment about 'wife presents' being better than GF presents has set you up for disappointment. Why did he say that if he had no idea what sort of 'wife present' he was going to buy you? It's just mean and thoughtless at best. Downright cruel at worst.

Oh I've told him exactly why I'm upset. I've cried and shouted and cried. He just shrugs. He thinks if a woman cries she is just trying to emotional manipulate him.

I've also told him I think I've made a monumental mistake in marrying him. He walked out of the room.

I don't really like my birthday. Never have, he knows that and I had I didn't want to do any thing

So, you don't like your birthday and never have, he knows that you don't like it and you told him you didn't want to do anything...?

Agree with XiCi try and tell him straight with no crying or shouting.

It was a shit present he got you and the child in me wants you to get a needle and some thread and make a popcorn garland with the "present" and wear it for the night. It would be funny if nothing else every time you caught sight of yourself.

I get this. DH once bought me drain cleaner bevause he thought it was funny and we'll, the drain was blocked. He's not done it again, believe me. But there's no point sniffing and sulking. Sometimes people need things spelt out to them.

'I am upset because the lack of thought you have given my birthday present makes me feel unloved by you when I want you to make me feel special. I would like you to rebook the babysitter for next week and organise a night out for us.'

because and well

It is all too difficult for me to understand tbh so I'm sorry if my comments aren't helpful.

It's just such a weird dynamic - you expecting him to be shit yet getting sucked in and being so convinced he is a piece of shirt who doesn't care a week after marrying.

I am sorry you are sad. I hope you can unpick it.

I get the impression the OP doesn't like her birthday because the ass she's married makes it such a shit experience SoupDragon

Ok, so your birthday has been crap so far (the popcorn given your recent history with it would have pissed me off), he has been shit and you are right to be pissed off.
BUT, the rest of your birthday needn't be crap. Text babysitter back, get dressed up and go drink cocktails and eat lovely food.
Don't dwell, sulk or cry, you can rescue this and have a lovely time.
Happy Birthday

The plus is my sister bought me a really nice scarf with chickens on it and a bottle of wine. I'm going to have a shower put my pjs on and go to bed with said wine and my kindle.

The more you post, the more he sounds like a real wanker.

You need to try and save this. If you do nothing, you're going to feel resentful all evening.

Text the babysitter. Ask if she's still free, say you're feeling better now (it doesn't matter if you didn't use that as an excuse in the first place, she will just be happy to be making money).

Book something to do. If you don't want to eat out with DH, try the cinema or something. Get dolled up and put on a fake smile, and eventually it'll feel real.

Deal with the present another day - send him some links or ideas, explicitly saying that you'd like something for your belated birthday present, or buy something yourself using joint money.

Before next year, discuss how you'd like birthdays to go. If you don't like it, do you want it to be downplayed? Would you like a token present and no real change from normal day-to-day life? A proper present and a night out with DH but no big parties? Family only events?

Let's get this straight.
You got married last week. Which, no matter how low-key, was an affirmation of your joint commitment to each other. You probably invited friends and relatives to mark the occasion and your DCs joined in.
Now, a week later, you think he's treating you badly.

I think you're suffering from comedown after the big occasion and he's all funned out. Both pretty normal reactions IMO.
You can expect a bigger effort next year if you tell him in advance what you'd like as a present and to mark the occasion.

That is if you want to spend time with the man you married a week ago?!
I am a bit confused tbh.
I am a bit similar with birthdays, I hate them. Dh has learnt what I want, which is often different to what I have said

I've also told him I think I've made a monumental mistake in marrying him.

Yep, now you are married he doesn't have to put in any effort does he?

Don't tell him it was a mistake. Tell a solicitor.