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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Entirely my own fault but AIBU to be upset?

99 replies

ChunkyStory · 29/07/2015 21:08

I looked at the texts on my dh phone and found one from his brother which made a snide remark:
DB: I bet Chunkystory had five courses at the meal
DH: Close, she had three plus the coffee and chocolate.
It was an aside in a text conversation about going to a football match and then a meal out.
I have recently put on A LOT of weight (three stone). I have always had food issues and I am very overweight. It's my own doing and is a result of loving food and not exercise, however I think it's fair to say that I am practically enslaved to our family with no time for me to pursue my own interests/exercise. Ironically, today is the beginning of trying to get hold of myself and make changes and then I found this.
The most upsetting thing is that my dh effectively 'joined in'. He could have ignored it but he didn't. I know I am being unreasonable for snooping but he is always on his phone and very uncommunicative so I took a chance to check.

OP posts:

DirtyMugPolice · 29/07/2015 21:11

Yanbu. what a horrid thing to read. Makes it sound like it's not the first conversation about it either. Are you going to ask him about it?

fabuLou · 29/07/2015 21:11

Cunts. That is all.

Balanced12 · 29/07/2015 21:13

Well that isn't very nice at all and your dh shouldn't be joining in. Hugs, so you are not being unreasonable in being upset.

But, you shouldn't have been looking and it is still day one of making a change try not to find excuses (we all do) and good luck

helenahandbag · 29/07/2015 21:14

I would lose my shit if my DP had joined in with a conversation like that - why the fuck wasn't your DH defending you and telling his brother where to go?! What a horrible, nasty pair of arseholes.

YeOldeTrout · 29/07/2015 21:15

urk... don't snoop if you won't like what you'll see.
Is it absolutely fine by you if he checks your phone? Do you never say anything even mildly horrible about him ever in a private conversation?
It's a pair of bad jokes, I wouldn't take it seriously.

Fatmomma99 · 29/07/2015 21:15

DesertIslander · 29/07/2015 21:15

YADNBU!! Horrible for you to read.
Did you confront your DH? Very cruel...

Janethegirl · 29/07/2015 21:17

Aim to lose weight slowly but don't tell your 'dh' your goal as I'm guessing he'll try to derail you. Go girl and realise you are in control, not him.
Ok I'm a control freak, big time!!

pillowaddict · 29/07/2015 21:17

I would be hugely hurt by that, yanbu. Tell your dh exactly why you're so upset and see what he has to say.

ImperialBlether · 29/07/2015 21:17

That is really horrible of both of them, but particularly your husband as he's the one who should have your back. Nasty bastards.

Psycobabble · 29/07/2015 21:19

When people feel bad for checkin a partners phone I always think if you find something bad then it cancels it out as being wrong !

What a horrible way to talk about you . Pricks

WorraLiberty · 29/07/2015 21:19

That must have been difficult to read.

There was a thread almost exactly the same as this a few months back, except I think it was an email the wife read. It said almost the same thing though.

Are you going to speak to him about it?

Original poster

ChunkyStory · 29/07/2015 21:25

It hasn't derailed me food wise at all thankfully, Im not looking for this to be a reason to eat the entire fridge.
I just wasn't sure if it was an overreaction. To be honest, this isn't the first time they've colluded but usually in my presence to wind me up.
How do I talk to my husband about it?! I don't think I have grounds do I?
As for mildly horrible things, I may have moaned to a close friend that he is never here (Not having an affair as he works from home) but I always have his back if others randomly criticise.

OP posts:

whatarethose · 29/07/2015 21:26

I would be crushed.

Original poster

ChunkyStory · 29/07/2015 21:28

Worra - would that thread be still here or searchable at all? Might make me feel better or have some perspective to consider.

OP posts:

andthenagain · 29/07/2015 21:29

I would be crushed.

so would his balls

WorraLiberty · 29/07/2015 21:31

I don't know to be honest, as I can't remember which topic it was in.

DioneTheDiabolist · 29/07/2015 21:32

You feel how you feel OP, so YANBU to feel upset. YWBU to blame your DH for your upset though.

You went snooping. You read a private conversation that he was having with his brother. You didn't like what you read because it reminded you of an aspect of yourself that you're not happy about. If you're not happy about it, why should he be? And why should he not talk about stuff to his brother.

You have recently put on three stone. This must be having an impact on your health, your wellbeing and your relationship.

MammaTJ · 29/07/2015 21:32

The only thing he should be joining in on is looking after you DC while you cook healthy meals and go to the gym!

After all, he along with you, is the one who will get the benefits.

My DP has never made a negative comment about the weight I gained having his children, he does look after them while I go off to the gym. This entails him doing his normal of getting them ready for school and taking them there, while my friend picks me up and takes me in the middle of all the hussle and bussle.

He is appreciating the 4 1/2 stone lighter me though!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 29/07/2015 21:34

Very disloyal of him. He's an arse*ole

hesterton · 29/07/2015 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ChunkyStory · 29/07/2015 21:43

Dione - yes you're right, and you have clarified why it made me feel upset as obviously it's true.
Of course he can discuss with his db but he hasn't brought it up with me at all. He very very rarely asks me anything about myself I once counted nine months when he didn't once ask after me and yes I am petty enough to count

OP posts:

MagicMojito · 29/07/2015 21:43

Bollocks to that OP of course yanbu.

Does he think it was ok to take the piss out of you, because he thought you wouldn't find out?! Fuck off!

He sounds horrible.

for you.

PtolemysNeedle · 29/07/2015 21:53

The brother is a complete twatarse, and your DH isn't much better.

But finding out things you'd rather not hear is a risk you take when you go snooping on other people's phones without their knowledge.

MagicMojito · 29/07/2015 21:53

Don't feel guilty about snooping either OP. Dh is well aware that I "snoop",partly through sheer nosiness, and partly because I think its very unwise to trust anybody 100%

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