Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pressure re baby at wedding

486 replies

DeeDee40 · 26/07/2015 16:44

Hello AIBU? Getting married in a matter of weeks. Decided not to invite kids due to cost,type and size of venue. Means that DHs nieces cant come too but thats choice were happy with. A friend contacted me today hinting re inviting her baby who will be seven months by then due to bfing! The message said that her family will have to keep him outside church and reception and phone her when he needs feeding and she hopes the next wedding she goes to will invite him!???? does she expect her family to bring her baby into my wedding ceremony and reception.so she can bf him? My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly and if others can find babysitters some of whom have smaller babys then so can she. Not happy

OP posts:
MissDemelzaCarne · 26/07/2015 20:39

Her other threads also mention that she wants to TTC ASAP so may well regret her outlook soon. Hmm

zeezeek · 26/07/2015 20:40

We didn't want children at our wedding for a lot of reasons, including the fact that I had not long finished treatment for cancer and was told I would probably not have children so it was all a bit too raw. We endured loads of arguments, emotional blackmail and downright entitlement from relatives and friends with children that we decided to elope and married in Las Vagas - it was perfect and I completely recommend it.

Recently we have celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and, again, due to the nature of the celebration decided to have it child free.....and got the same arguments, emotional blackmail and sense of entitlement. Oddly, the people with the youngest baby who could have been the most entitled was my DSD and her DP. In fact she leapt at the chance of a child free party.

I think that there is a sense of massive entitlement from some parents that their children have to be included in everything. That's crap. Sometimes people want to be with adults only. That includes breastfeeding - sorry, but I don't want to see it at an event that I am organising and paying for. If that makes me selfish, fine. No one is ever forced to attend an event. And invite is just that, an invitation. If someone doesn't want my DDs there, then fine, their choice. Sometimes we don't want them at a party either! We either find a babysitter, or decline. No drama.

KatoPotato · 26/07/2015 20:42

*My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly

*Trying her luck eh? She should be so bloody lucky! I think you're over-thinking how special your very special day actually is.

I'd be asking my health visitor for a letter excusing me from your wedding due to BF like I did for jury duty!

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/07/2015 20:43

Demelza, of course I get that breasts are not detachable! I EBF DS. During that time there were occasions where I had to decline invitations to various events as they were not conducive to babies or breast feeding. Even now that he is 8years old I sometimes have to decline invitations as I can't get childcare.

It wouldn't occur to me to think that the event organizers should have to adapt it because I have a child.

ListenWillYou · 26/07/2015 20:44

I thought the biggest fans of no kid events were parents. I have four adult DC and am very happy when events are child free. I avoid child friendly establishments like the plague. Hopefully I will have overcome my aversion by the time grandkids come along but in the meantime I like to steer clear of kids.

Fortuanately I've always liked my own kids.

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 26/07/2015 20:46

Ha ha Kato. I agree, I doubt she's trying her luck. She is probably thinking "fuck, I accepted ages ago and thought I would be able to leave the baby by 7 months. She'll kill me if I cancel". Shocker I know, but very few people are desperate to attend a child free wedding with a baby. I did it once (DD was an exemption as her sister was a flower girl) and it's bloody hard work!

1Morewineplease · 26/07/2015 20:46

Sorry Dionne... I totally disagree ... Weddings are a celebration that you want those you know and love to attend.. If they come with children then so be it ... How could anyone say " I really want you at my wedding but I don't care to have your screaming brats around?" Utterly precocious !!! Children are part of family and friends ....oh there's no point.....

swallowed · 26/07/2015 20:48

Why would you not want to "see breastfeeding" at your wedding? That's so weird!

I was so ready to mix feed DS. Had it all sorted. Got bf established, fairly easily. At two or three weeks old started giving him a bottle of expressed. A lot of faff, he'd take tiny tiny sips, then refuse any more. Then he started going off his head the minute he saw the bottle. Kept trying.

Eventually at 9 weeks my mum asked what the hell we were bothering for, given that he would scream non stop and refuse to even have the bottle near his face.

So I gave up. He never had a bottle again. I would try again every few weeks just in case he'd changed his mind.

I bf'd til he was two.

mindthegap79 · 26/07/2015 20:51

Yabu. At 7 months old my dd was breastfeeding at unpredictable intervals around 7 times per day. It sounds like your friend has gone to considerable effort to arrange for her family to look after the baby nearby so that she can still come to your wedding. The fact that you have a problem with this makes you sound entitled as f**k.

If you ever have a breastfed baby of your own you will look back and cringe.

Itsmine · 26/07/2015 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allisgood1 · 26/07/2015 20:55

YABVVVU.

She hasn't asked to bring the baby. She's hoping you will be a good friend and tell her to but she isn't asking. There's a difference.

I assume you don't have children. So you don't understand what it's like to have a bottle refusing baby, do you? She isn't trying her luck, she's reached out to you for support.

Littleen · 26/07/2015 21:03

Personally, I would either try bottle, or leave the wedding every few hours to go feed the little one :) Can completely understand you not wanting children at your wedding, so for me it's not a big deal this one.

Runningupthathill82 · 26/07/2015 21:08

I went to a child-free wedding when DS was 7mo ish. Total nightmare.

He apparently screamed the house down for his grandma and refused feeds while, at the wedding, I spent literally hours in a toilet cubicle desperately trying to get milk out of my engorged boobs with a hand pump (obvs nowhere to plug in an electric one!)

Anyway. It didn't work as I was so het up and crammed into the cubicle, aware of the queues outside. Unable to get the milk out after several attempts, I gave up and then leaked milk all over my beautiful dress.

I was mortified and felt embarrassed and uncomfortable for the rest of the day. I was covered in milk. It was obvious to all. I'm cringing even thinking about it.

How much easier if a family member would've been kind enough to bring DS along every four hours or so, for a quick feed. At that age, 15mins would've done it and we could have got on with the day.

You just don't get it do you, OP. Your friend isn't trying to make a fuss, she's trying to make things as easy as possible.

starlight2007 · 26/07/2015 21:18

My DS was EBF at that age...He did take a bottle..I got mastitis at 8 weeks and so stopped to get my milk flow right and he never touched a bottle again.. I had a support worker come in and try.. It was never going to happen.

I also think the fact she has said this is what she is doing seems to be she is trying her very best to come to your wedding.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/07/2015 21:20

I get it now 1more. You have DCs and so think that you all come as a package. I think differently. So do the people I know. So while we can have a great time at child friendly events, we can also have a great time when child free.

None of us have ever had cross words or heard about any bitching behind backs because of child free weddings. Except of course Bil's cousins, but they were entitled fuckwits who thought that their DCs should be the centre of everyone else's universe.

RigglinJigglin · 26/07/2015 21:23

I always think child / baby free weddings are a good barometer on friendships that need ending tbh. I take exception to any person that cherishes a day more than their relationships. You sound vile like someone who would be off my list.

Anyhoot, your day your rulz Hun Hmm

MagicMojito · 26/07/2015 21:23

So long as you gracefully accept that your friend may not want to come to your wedding then no, yanbu to stick to the child free rule.

I wouldn't go, even if I could arrange babysitter/bottle feeding etc. I just wouldn't want to. So long as you wouldn't feel bitter about your friend taking the same stance then its fine IMO Smile

PiperChapstick · 26/07/2015 21:26

NRTFT. it's your day, but you said no children, be prepared that this may suit you but doesnt suit the parents. Not all babies take bottles. If you can't understand why this may upset someone or cause issues then you have bigger problems than relatives standing outside a church

CitrineRaindropPhoenix · 26/07/2015 21:29

Wow. That sounds a good basis for future family relationships with your bil and sil for the sake of 20 minutes and some overcooked chicken. Well done you.

silveroldie2 · 26/07/2015 21:31

God there's a huge pile of entitled garbage on this thread.

YANBU OP - it's your wedding, do as you please.

I hope you have a lovely day.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/07/2015 21:33

Citrine was your post directed at me? If so I don't understand.Confused

Ragwort · 26/07/2015 21:34

What is so hard about just politely declining the invitation with a 'thank you, but I will not be able to accept your invitation'. It's a wedding, why do people get so het up about these things?

Perhaps it comes with age Grin but I am perfectly capable of looking at the 'conditions' of an invitation - whether it is a child free wedding, a fancy dress party, a sea food dinner party, tickets to Wimbledon, an all night rave or whatever and if I don't think I will enjoy the event then I am perfectly confident to say 'no thank you', I honestly don't think my attendance at any event is really that important to the hosts. Grin. (and yes, I have declined all those invitations!).

zeezeek · 26/07/2015 21:34

I don't understand why expressing my own views about events that I organise, plan and pay for is, in anyway, goady. Still, whatever.

OP you are not BU to have YOUR wedding how YOU choose it. Children are not the be all and end all - and I say that as a mother of 2 young DDs.

PiperChapstick · 26/07/2015 21:34

And how would your baby cope if you were rushed to hospital or worse - quite honestly I find it hard to believe that a four month old baby really can't take milk from a bottle/cup.

Yes, when my DD screamed and howled whenever I went near her with a bottle, to the point she could barely catch her breath, she just was just bullshitting me Hmm and a EBF baby would go with a mum to hospital

starlight2007 · 26/07/2015 21:35

I have just read some of your past threads OP
Nothing on tv It seems you are planning to try for baby asap.. I shall look forward to your threads on how the world does not revolve around your baby and doesn't follow the manual