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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pressure re baby at wedding

486 replies

DeeDee40 · 26/07/2015 16:44

Hello AIBU? Getting married in a matter of weeks. Decided not to invite kids due to cost,type and size of venue. Means that DHs nieces cant come too but thats choice were happy with. A friend contacted me today hinting re inviting her baby who will be seven months by then due to bfing! The message said that her family will have to keep him outside church and reception and phone her when he needs feeding and she hopes the next wedding she goes to will invite him!???? does she expect her family to bring her baby into my wedding ceremony and reception.so she can bf him? My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly and if others can find babysitters some of whom have smaller babys then so can she. Not happy

OP posts:
HoneywithLemon · 26/07/2015 19:55

DD2 didn't take solids til past 9 months old. Nor a bottle despite me trying (I went back to work when she was 8 months and she didn't drink/eat all day when we were separated).

I don't understand this whole no kids at weddings things. I really don't. Change the venue, have fewer "adult" guests, but make it a family occasion. Surely that's the whole point?

People generally will comply with a no-child rule but be aware that they are all slagging you off behind your back. You'll change your tune if you have kids, really, you will.

Fluffy24 · 26/07/2015 19:57

Is this for real?

Why do you assume she wants to come to your wedding?! maybe, rather than angling for an invite for LO, she understands that you don't want children and would therefore prefer not to attend at all but feels awkward about saying so when you clearly expect her to leave her baby and sound like you might be a bit bridezilla at the moment hence she's explaining how awkward it'll be in the hope that you'll give her a choice by acknowledging that 'yes that'll be difficult, really sorry but we can't make exceptions regardless how much we'd like you to come etc, totally understand if you can't come or only want to come to church' etc.

You don't sound like you really care about how she feels, therefore presumably it'll not be a loss of she spends the day at home enjoying her baby instead.

Only1scoop · 26/07/2015 19:58

I recall your buying too many gifts for family thread

Was it your DH then who doesn't want to carry that on? The same DH that is annoyed re your friend and baby?

You know what I would do ....get your 'DH' to address all this if it really is him that is so annoyed.

I still find it strange you address him as DH when he isn't.

Meandyou150 · 26/07/2015 20:04

God your awful OP - hopefully your too embarrassed to show your face on this thread again

Lozy79 · 26/07/2015 20:05

I agree honeywithlemon. My 10 month old barely eats solids now and is a bottle refuser. She also won't ever leave my side!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 26/07/2015 20:12

Both of mine took a bottle beautifully at 2 months. By 6/7 months they were both a lot more annoying choosy and refused one.

We tried. We fucking tried. Them not taking a bottle meant that I had months when I couldn't go on a night out with my friends. Even getting my haircut was a nightmare as Ds was born in 2013 when it was ridiculously hot so he needed feeding a lot.

Neither of them were consuming anywhere near enough food and drink at 7 months to be left for anywhere near a decent amount of time. My first "post bottle refusal" night out was when did was 8.5 months old.

It was awful. Particularly with dd. I felt so trapped. There was no let up. But I couldn't bear to leave her and accept she would scream and scream until she starved just so that I could have a couple of hours in the pub. Sodding unconditional love.

I used to fantasise about a burst appendix so that I could have some guilt free space. (And sleep!)

Mattberryistoast · 26/07/2015 20:12

Surely this is a "wind 'em up and watch 'em go" thread ? Either a reverse AIBU or a mischievous thread Hmm

Starbrite00 · 26/07/2015 20:13

You are being unreasonable.
Personally if someone invited me to a wedding and told me not to bring my baby or child at tell them no thanks, think I would also cease a friendship.

Goshitshighuphere · 26/07/2015 20:15

If the wedding is in a church then a 100 babies can attend and any member of the public. Weddings are open events.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/07/2015 20:16

Sorry Pika, I didn't realise that you thought it would be ok until you phoned.Blush Where I am, unless specified, only those named on the invitation are invited.

WyrdByrd · 26/07/2015 20:18

The tone of your OP is a little 'off' tbh, but I don't think yabu.

You have chosen to have a child free wedding, your friend can choose whether or not to attend, and if she wants to make convoluted arrangements in order to do so she shouldn't be making passive aggressive comments that put you under pressure.

Fwiw one of my friends had a 7mo ebf DD when we married. She fed her just before leaving for our ceremony, then popped home & fed her again when needed & we kept her meal aside (cold buffet) for when she
returned.

Obviously I don't know the logistics of your wedding but it is doable without having your family camped outside the church!

Perissa · 26/07/2015 20:19

Haha! This could be about me with a few minor changes. DS is only 4 months, won't take a bottle and is obviously not on solids yet. Wedding in 2 weeks and no kids so my mum will be having him and driving the 15 mins to the venue when he is hungry. She will also be having my 6yo. I have asked several times for timings too, so that I can try to time feeds around important bits but have had no info so will have to roll with when he gets hungry.

The hotel have said that he is welcome to stay so at some point Mum will leave him and me and DP will take it in turns to sit with him in the room.

herethereandeverywhere · 26/07/2015 20:22

You will really upset the other parents attending the wedding without their kids if you start making exceptions for some children and not others (however wholesome and 'reasonable' the reason for doing so).

"Sorry but the wedding is adults-only, if you need to leave to feed the baby we will understand".

I'm always amazed a guests who think the whole event should be changed to accommodate them!

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/07/2015 20:23

I have been to many weddings, some child free, some not. They've all been a blast.

And I don't really get why a minority of parents feel that their children should be invited to celebrations that they are invited to.Confused

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 26/07/2015 20:28

Oh I don't mind child free weddings. I mind a lot when the bride thinks I am under some obligation to fix a babysitter and attend as opposed to politely decline though.

1Morewineplease · 26/07/2015 20:29

Clearly there are two camps... One says all my family and friends are welcome. The other camp says " I'm the single most important person of the day ( pity bridegrooms!!!) and no one but no one is going to upstage me".. Haven't heard much from brides who already have children!!!
Think this tread is just going to get nastier!!!!

Micah · 26/07/2015 20:29

Noodle, I'm really glad you have it all figured out.

Mine also took bottles, no problem, having been given 3 or 4 times a week to ensure I could leave them at 6 months when I went back to work.

At 3 months they just point blank refused ever to take a bottle again.

Babies have not read the manual. What works for one will not work for all.

MissDemelzaCarne · 26/07/2015 20:31

I don't really get why a minority of parents feel that their children should be invited to celebrations that they are invited to

It's bizarre that people don't 'get' that breasts are not detachable. Hmm

ListenWillYou · 26/07/2015 20:32

I don't think the OPs too embarrassed to come back to the thread. Chances are she is having a good laugh at how het up everyone is. I don't doubt the OP is real but I doubt anyone would write it without realising that it contains classic mumsnet bunfight material.

OP, there is nothing wrong with not inviting children although I think it's a shame not to invite nieces and nephews. They would have been really excited and they will be part of your lives forever. It's different to friends kids.

Only1scoop · 26/07/2015 20:34

I actually agree with much of your Op....however if it's your 'DH' that is so annoyed about this as well.

Get him to address the issue.

5YearsTime · 26/07/2015 20:35

I EBF and also had a child free wedding. I cringe now that i did that. We excluded a couple of toddlers but not a (bottle fed) young baby. I would have checked with you in case "babes in arms" could be allowed, if the answer was no, I would have to decline your invitation.

I didn't understand breastfeeding before I did it, and to be honest I now can't be arsed trying to make other people understand when they say 'just express' because the vast majority of people who say it have never successfully breastfed.

To the women stressing about leaving EBF babies Flowers ... You can say no if you want to.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/07/2015 20:36

I disagree 1More. I don't think the other "camp" is I am the most important person on the day. I think that people arranging a celebration are allowed to arrange a family friendly celebration, or a celebration geared towards grown ups only. Both are ok.

ListenWillYou · 26/07/2015 20:36

OP has a posting history. So although it might be a 'wind up and go' thread it doesn't mean it's not true. Her other threads mention all her nephews and nieces.

MyOneandYoni · 26/07/2015 20:37

I think your friend should cut off her breasts and leave them with family, in order that she can attend your special, most-important-wedding-ever without her hungry baby...

herethereandeverywhere · 26/07/2015 20:37

I had a child-free wedding because our venue was at maximum capacity and I'd rather have my friends there than kids I barely knew. Nothing to do with me fearing being 'upstaged' by some kids who really wouldn't have appreciated most of the day anyway.

Guests don't have to accept the invite if the event doesn't suit them!