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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pressure re baby at wedding

486 replies

DeeDee40 · 26/07/2015 16:44

Hello AIBU? Getting married in a matter of weeks. Decided not to invite kids due to cost,type and size of venue. Means that DHs nieces cant come too but thats choice were happy with. A friend contacted me today hinting re inviting her baby who will be seven months by then due to bfing! The message said that her family will have to keep him outside church and reception and phone her when he needs feeding and she hopes the next wedding she goes to will invite him!???? does she expect her family to bring her baby into my wedding ceremony and reception.so she can bf him? My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly and if others can find babysitters some of whom have smaller babys then so can she. Not happy

OP posts:
LibrariesGaveUsPower · 26/07/2015 19:16

Sorry Pika I don't. It took me until the third child to get lucky Grin. You can do all the different teats/ different temperatures stuff. But in the end I just rode it out with the two bottle refusers.

daisydukes229 · 26/07/2015 19:17

I wouldn't bother coming if you were my "friend"

dollius · 26/07/2015 19:17

I know someone who took child free to the extreme. Banned her own stepdaughter and insisted her one bridesmaid leave her FOUR WEEK OLD baby behind. Poor woman leaked painfully all over her bridesmaid dress and had to pay for v expensive Central London hotel so her sister could stay with the baby nearby. Madness.

SirPercyPilkington · 26/07/2015 19:22

Jesus dollius that is so sad.
Hope your friend and baby have a nice day OP, perhaps not at your wedding.

Noodledoodledoo · 26/07/2015 19:24

YANBU.

I had a child free wedding and currently have a 10 month old who is BF still. (Would class them as EBF but have been told I am not as I express)

My little one does take a bottle as we introduced it early and she has had expressed milk since very early on most days. By 7 months I could predict when she needed feeding so could quite easily work it round your day if the babysitters were willing to be nearby - or in my case give them a bottle.

I have done days away from them since she was 5 months with Dad doing expressed bottles all day.

53rdAndBird · 26/07/2015 19:26

And how would your baby cope if you were rushed to hospital or worse - quite honestly I find it hard to believe that a four month old baby really can't take milk from a bottle/cup.

Oooh, that actually happened to me! Went to A&E at 5pm, was admitted, husband left at home with four month old, frozen milk and some bottles. After hours of screaming, she eventually took a little bit from a bottle at 2am, and that was it until I fed her again the next morning. So no, she didn't starve, but it wasn't exactly a great situation for any of us and I wouldn't have gone through it again for the sake of a wedding.

RobinandRowena · 26/07/2015 19:28

YABU.I would not go to your wedding. It's between me and my baby how or when I stop feeding him/her. I wouldn't let your or anybody elses' event dictate that!

PikaWho · 26/07/2015 19:30

Oh 53rd,that sounds awful! I hadn't thought about that scenario! I'd better pump and freeze to be safe!

I am all for riding it out Libraries, but he's starting nursery in two months. Hopefully we'll have cracked it by then!

nannyplumislostinspace · 26/07/2015 19:31

Glad you're not my friend! I wouldn't be coming. There is no way my baby would have gone all day without a feed. He wouldn't take a bottle.

Seriously. When you have a baby you will look back and cringe at your behaviour and how horrible you have been to your poor friend.

Redtowel · 26/07/2015 19:31

YANBU, child free is child free. I've declined two wedding this year became of this. No big deal. At all.

I eloped to egas to have the exact wedding I wanted, don't mind at all if others want to have their own rules to get the wedding that they want.

Can't believe the flaming the OP is getting, TBH.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 26/07/2015 19:33

Bf on demand means I still don't know when my 8 month old will want to feed. That's the point of it being on demand. She won't take a bottle and I tried to express once but it was a massive pita. I wouldn't want to go to a wedding of a "friend" who cared so little about my child or even my own comfort.

littlejohnnydory · 26/07/2015 19:33

how would baby cope if you were rushed to hospital - well, the hospital have to let an ebf baby stay with mum.

This happened to a friend of mine. She was in a side room with her baby. When she had surgery, her dh came in to look after baby. And no, baby wouldn't drink a bottle of ebm while she was in theatre, despite everyone's best efforts...baby just cried until she came round and was fed immediately. Would you put your baby through that for a wedding? I wouldn't.

tilliebob · 26/07/2015 19:34

I love all the incredulous people on this thread. I can assure you that my DS1 would not drink from a bottle at all, even if I went out and left DH or DM with him. Our health visitor also was at her wits end and brought various feeding cups/spoons from the maternity hospital with her and he wouldn't have them either. I think mainly because he only fed from me - never needed/wanted to leave him until 7months, and it was only when I was facing returning to work that we realised that we had a BIG problem.

Didn't make the same mistake with the other two dcs - they were being fed EBM from bottles from birth by whoever was nearby Grin.

Wildernessrock · 26/07/2015 19:34

I have been to child free weddings but they all, without exception excluded breast fed babies from the " no children" rule. I thought that was common sense? The breastfed babies will likely spend their whole time asleep in a sling, nobody will notice whether they are there or not. I think it would be really mean to exclude someone because the want to bring a bf baby that no one will notice is there! Do you really think the baby will disrup your wedding/ make any difference to the day at all?

Mrscog · 26/07/2015 19:38

Yanbu to want a child free wedding, but it sounds like your friend will be popping out to feed. Yabu to want a child free 1 mile radius of your wedding!

MissDemelzaCarne · 26/07/2015 19:38

And how would your baby cope if you were rushed to hospital
An NHS hospital would expect to accommodate your baby, so you could continue BFing though you have to provide someone, other than you, to care for the baby.
I've done this on my ward for a BFing patient. BFing women and their babies should expect to never be parted except by Bridezillas.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/07/2015 19:39

Dsis & DBiL had a child free wedding which meant that my DS (and other neices and nephews)couldn't come. It was fine by me and Bil's siblings and our parents. 3 of his cousins decided not to abide by this and brought all their DCs. This caused a significant amount of hassle on the day and the B&G's parents and other guests getting annoyed at Sis&bil.

They now have minimum contact with these cousins as a few years later they brought their DCs to another, much more solemn occasion when they were specifically asked to not bring them.Sad

Pika, I'm sorry that your friend is trying to force you to get your baby to take a bottle. However she has stipulated that the event is child free. If you can't make it don't go.

Redtowel · 26/07/2015 19:39

People who think a seven month old baby will sleep through a wedding... You must have all had perfect silent babies. Mine roared, a lot. Unpredictably. I wouldn't inflict that on any event of this nature...

werenotreallyhere · 26/07/2015 19:39

dee - YABVU, for thinking your friend is trying it on, she is clearly trying to find away round her current situation the best she can as she clearly is trying hard to make it your wedding. I hope you think back on this once you have kids.

Pika - this woman is not your friend

Saltedcaramel2014 · 26/07/2015 19:41

One day OP you may have a baby (maybe even one who doesn't take a bottle, there are plenty of them), and you'll realise how thoroughly selfish you sound right now.

HoldYerWhist · 26/07/2015 19:42

Why did you start this thread?

You've made your decision. Now your friend can decide whether to come or not.

Surely that's all there is to it?

RobinandRowena · 26/07/2015 19:46

(EX) Friends of ours had a wedding like this and were so rigid that they lost lots of friends as a result.
Breast fed babies should always be the exception in situations like these.

TopCivilServant · 26/07/2015 19:49

Pika, sod the wedding. Not worth it at all. If you got rushed into hospital of course your baby would manage but not worth all this angst for a shitty wedding.
On another note: Interesting that the OP chucked in a bridezilla grenade then disappeared Hmm

feckitall · 26/07/2015 19:52

Your prerogative to say 'no kids', hers to say 'not coming'

When DB got married they had child free wedding, we had kids, we weren't invited..I wasn't bothered
DGM was furious Grin
we couldn't have afforded to go either

PikaWho · 26/07/2015 19:54

Dione, the invitation doesn't say no children. I text her to say I might have to bring baby which was when she replied to say children weren't invited. I told her we probably won't be going which is when she said she was disappointed.

Clearly not a good friend!