AIBU - my friend pinched a boy

[mamasilla]

My friends and I took all kids to a soft play area today. After 10 mins one of the kids came crying to us saying that another boy had punched him as he wanted to take a toy of him, he identified the kid to us so we decided to keep a closer eye. Five mins later the same happened to my girl. I went over to where the mom was with her friends and asked her to keep an eye as this boy was upsetting the rest. When the mom dismissed my point I pointed out that it would be very unpleasant if one of our kids punched him back. She said that her kid knows how to look after himself (the boy must have been 4 or 5 years old). When it happened the third time one of my friends reacted and pinched (not punched) the offending kid on the arm (his mum continued to be oblivious).
The debate then started, was she being unreasonable? I'd be interested in hearing your views!

Again, not everyone that give a nip back to teach is an abusive person.

I feel for you when you have to deal with such terrible things everyday, there is normal however.

I would have undercover nipped him as the op's friend did under the circumstances. Now that an honest answer, not an answer that the politically correct serial offence people would like to hear.

No, Im not a goader either by the way. Im honest.

I didn't say it was abusive, I said it was a shit way to parent and to behave as an adult. Which it is.

Offended

Fucking hell

No not shit at all. Under the circumstances when the other child was being repeatedly bitten and the mother couldnt give a shit, hence probably the child didnt either, Id give him a little nip too. I didnt say it was a glowingly right thing to do, I said in all honestly I probably would have done it too.

Shoot me

It never needs to be in context,it would be treated as a stand alone incident of physical abuse.

It would end up going as far as proceedings if the adult refused to acknowledge that it was unexceptable and didn't take steps to make sure it wouldn't happen again.

Biting is considered to be significant harm and it would be unusual for it not to be reacted to

Everything needs to be taken in context and mitigating circumstances always come to the fore. One rule for all is ridiculous and doesnt work.

Its not at all Tequilla, its showing a young child that what they do hurts or how would they know. Telling a young one does nothing as they dont understand

If they are not old enough to understand an explanation of why you don't bite then they are not old enough to know why mummy is biting them back. Adults are not supposed to inflict pain in children. Full stop. your supposed to lead by example.

Ask your self honestly, would you bite back in front of a GP , SS, police officer, teacher?

Your the adult, there would be no mitigating circumstances

Not when it comes to physical abuse.

Mitigating circumstances is just excuses.

"I think it's acceptable to bite my child" is pretty clear.

Someone who is going to argue about how acceptable it is is unlikely to be able to show they are committed to not physically harming their child in the future.

They are old enough to understand if something hurts from the age dot. To show a child what they have just done, repeat the action and explain why is a very reasonable thing to do.

Whats with the physical abuse thing again?

It is showing a child that their action just hurt, and explaining why. Sometimes just an action in certain situations does the same.

Get over yourselves.

Someone slaps you, you slap them back.. they get the message.

We arent talking abusive cases here. We are talking normal.

You said before that you wouldn't do it to a baby. Dreadful.

Someone slaps you, you slap them back.. they get the message

No op, that's just how you were brought up. Not every one feels like that or treats their children in the same way.

what are you on about tequila, taking things out of context again I see.

I think we are taking up too much of the board here, would you like to go personal messaging to sort this dilemma out Tequila.

This thread makes me want to elope to a deserted island away from sub humans.

I have said in a very normal stable manner that I would actually give a child a bite back under certain circumstances. I also think that people these days get rather ridiculous about the context of why and scream abuse at the slightest thing without thinking how detrimental that may be to real abuse.

Im leaving this board now but please feel free to personal message me with any wild offensive disagreements

Ahem

Well Olivia, it seems that people who advocate nil abuse are really rather verbally abusive and I find that one strange

Any adult that would sneakily pinch a child is not only horrible but a coward too.

If ur friend was so incensed n has such little self control that she did this, she should've tried it on the mother n c where that got her, after all it was the slack parenting that was the real issue, right? She didn't as she knew there would be reprisals,same reason she didn't openly hurt the child. She is disgusting, nasty n a shitbag to boot. Keep her away from ur kids, OP!

Omg, if I thought someone had done this to my child, I think I would combust. Hopefully I'd manage to stay in one piece long enough to have skinned them alive n rolled them in salt rang the police tho ....

get over yourselves

No playdates at crust's house for my DC ,like, EVER then!

My dd is 15 she has AS and has been violent towards me, many times over the years. I have never, ever hit her back or retaliated physically and I never will.

I teach her that hitting and violence and bad language is wrong. I don't do it back to "teach her a lesson"! Same with a toddler, pinching does not teach anything but anger and resentment and retaliation.

We arent talking abusive cases here. We are talking normal. Not my normal!