AIBU - my friend pinched a boy

[mamasilla]

My friends and I took all kids to a soft play area today. After 10 mins one of the kids came crying to us saying that another boy had punched him as he wanted to take a toy of him, he identified the kid to us so we decided to keep a closer eye. Five mins later the same happened to my girl. I went over to where the mom was with her friends and asked her to keep an eye as this boy was upsetting the rest. When the mom dismissed my point I pointed out that it would be very unpleasant if one of our kids punched him back. She said that her kid knows how to look after himself (the boy must have been 4 or 5 years old). When it happened the third time one of my friends reacted and pinched (not punched) the offending kid on the arm (his mum continued to be oblivious).
The debate then started, was she being unreasonable? I'd be interested in hearing your views!

I wonder if crusts is the trainee child care assistant I over heard.

Social services? really? here we go.

Im very able to judge a situation thank you very much. Social services as everyone else these days are so damn worried about protecting their own arses they forget the basics.

I wonder if you meant to be so rude there in a passive aggressive way teqhila?

birds read my second post on this thread before I even seen that crusts works in CC, people like her do exsist in child care in the UK

No I was just speaking as I find. I'm a realist

I was just speaking as I find too. As for spouting about my childcare career Tequila, funny enough what I do in a private situation is not what I do professionally you know. But there again Im not sure you would understand that.

Im actually thinking that you are a bit of a nasty person on the quiet there Tequila.

I don't believe she bites children, so she can't be that bad...

A debate on this thread is what it is and I wouldnt dream to "look another person up" To be that indepth is a bit of a worry.

Taking things out of context is a bit of a worry also Chwat.

Crusts, that's where your moral outrage lies? Brilliant. A debate on this thread is indeed what it is. If a person admits biting their child it is not unreasonable to try to find something that would allow agencies in RL to protect that child.

crust I'm the nasty one?

You have said you would pinch a child back (which you have just backtracked on)

You have said you bite, pinch or hit your dc back if they do it to you.

I've never done that with any of my dc. My eldest is 20 next month. Funnily enough I didn't need to do that with her.

In your last posts you say you don't do it to your charges. So you only do it in private to your own dc? And also what if one of your charges bit your dc? Would you bite them back ? Would you tell their parents or keep it a secret?

Best, you and I know that's a ridiculous statement to make. But hey, it is Sunday and the little biters are in bed, hence wine o clock time.

I think reality is rather amiss on line somehow.

Yeah crusts - you bite your kids back in revenge and in your world that's ok.

Cheerio

Yeah in a social situation i would give him a little nip. It wont kill him nor will it psychologically damage him... Maybe it takes an adult sometimes to do this.

If an adult touches another adult, that constitutes assault, no? Not sure how it's ok for an adult to hurt another child physically?

As a teacher who has dealt with child protection for many years I can promise you I do not find it ridiculous. Bye now, enjoy your wine.

Who said anything about revenge Tequila? Im purely talking in a "showing" it hurts scenario. Those of you that have screamed rather ridiculous statements on here really need to have a look at yourselves, very strange

As a person that hasnt really been subjected to so many terrible cases and been rather awfully coloured by it. I speak from a balanced place.

I take that as a glass of friendship there then Best and salute you too

It's not actually. It's showing that violence begets violence. 'You bite me, I bite you back' it's not showing how it hurts. If they bite out of anger it's a sign they are struggling with there emotions. That needs dealing with in an adult empathetic way.

Biting back just shows vengeance.

You could actually 'try that really hurt me and makes me feel sad, we are not allowed to bite people as its hurts'

I've never had to bite, pinch or hit any of my kids.

Your 'showing' pain is just repeating bad behaviour. You should try acting like an adult and bring above it next time.

Plus you never answered any of my questions to you before

oh stop being such a drama lama Ilive. My son bit me, I bit him back. My son slapped me I slapped him back and told him that its not nice to do that and explained why. Showing someone works

Crust, the amount of threshold docs I've compleated for care orders that contain words to the effect of "bit child to teach him a lesson about biting" obviously other things will be on them but the biting tends to be the serious thing and the child has ended up with a care order is in the hundreds and I haven't been a practising LA SW for years.

Its not at all Tequilla, its showing a young child that what they do hurts or how would they know. Telling a young one does nothing as they dont understand.

I don't believe in smacking as a punishment at all and never have done.

Repeating an action then explaining why what they just did does work.

Get it into context there NeedsAsock.

I may have felt like pinching the child but the difference is that an adult should have the self control to be able to overcome an impulse, whereas a child often doesn't possess the ability, particularly if their parents haven't spent the time to teach it.

And I have never heard anything so ridiculous as biting or pinching a child 'to show them it hurts'. Doing this does not help them to develop empathy, explaining how their actions make others feel (ie 'angry', 'upset', 'confused') does. Pinching or biting a child does nothing but reaffirm that pinching and biting is OK because adults do it too. It's a shit way to parent and a shit way to demonstrate how to behave as an adult.

I would have told the mother that if she didn't intervene I would be asking the manager of the place to ask them to leave.