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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - my friend pinched a boy

351 replies

mamasilla · 26/07/2015 14:48

My friends and I took all kids to a soft play area today. After 10 mins one of the kids came crying to us saying that another boy had punched him as he wanted to take a toy of him, he identified the kid to us so we decided to keep a closer eye. Five mins later the same happened to my girl. I went over to where the mom was with her friends and asked her to keep an eye as this boy was upsetting the rest. When the mom dismissed my point I pointed out that it would be very unpleasant if one of our kids punched him back. She said that her kid knows how to look after himself (the boy must have been 4 or 5 years old). When it happened the third time one of my friends reacted and pinched (not punched) the offending kid on the arm (his mum continued to be oblivious).
The debate then started, was she being unreasonable? I'd be interested in hearing your views!

OP posts:

Notnowdarling01 · 27/07/2015 00:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The5DayChicken · 27/07/2015 01:00

No ta, when I go around biting children, I'm sure to only nip. Not because I don't want to hurt them but because I find their parents don't punch me as hard if their child isn't crying so I get to keep my teeth.

crustsaway · 27/07/2015 01:02

oh god, give it a rest.. we have different views. so what? get over it..

crustsaway · 27/07/2015 01:06

chat amongst yourselves not and chicken, you may then be able to fall asleep I myself am going to get into my pjs and have a lovely brandy nightcap, say cheers and fuck it.

The5DayChicken · 27/07/2015 01:11

Funny how asking legitimate questions doesn't elicit a response from you yet mocking you does.

I don't for one second believe you have the balls to bite someone else's child.

Nor do I accept that biting children back teaches them a thing...for reasons stated in my first post to this thread I've repeated myself enough tonight without repeating that too

Even if you refuse to answer any of my questions because of how uncomfortable the answers are, I'm sure you're thinking about the answers. And about the fact that you bit a 1 year old. Probably not your proudest moment.

It certainly wouldn't be mine.

crustsaway · 27/07/2015 01:20

what on earth are you on about chicken? i can read what you are implying but it is all in your mind not mine, so many assumptions, why? I genuinely dont get wound up by net postings, I do actually say the truth and in context. I dont do "months" so to me a 1 year old could be nearer two, they havent had a birthday so i still say they are 1...

Im not uncomfortable at all, i just dont know why you want me to answer your questions when I have already said it.. It wont change, there wont be another outcome.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/07/2015 01:22

If you intentionally bit a child at a soft play area and the news of that got back to your workplace I would be astounded if you weren't sacked, bearing in mind you work with children.
As a teacher, certainly my behaviour outside of work has a baring on my job. I am expected to conform to certain standards and there's no doubt that biting, nipping, slapping a child would fall way short of them

The usual procedure would be (along side other investigations) a LADO enquiry that given the attitude would have a finding of substantiated and would be very likely to result in being deamed as not safe to work with children.

This is likely to happen even if it's your own child you bite and it's no where near a childcare setting. Off the top of my head it comes under an action towards your own child or another outside of the work place that may indicate unsuitability to work with children or vulnerable people.

crustsaway · 27/07/2015 01:24

another jobsworth that needs to get a grip. why are you spouting all this?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/07/2015 01:30

You like typing stuff like spouting and banging on don't you? Very passive aggressive.

I posted it because it would be the normal procedure for dealing with any person who works with children who exhibits that type of behaviour and it is the way those who work with vulnerable people having safeguarding restrictions placed on them or being prevented from working with them again.

The5DayChicken · 27/07/2015 01:32

You haven't answeered them though.

If, as you claim, nipping is different to biting, what does nipping teach a child about biting?

I accept that biting a child teaches them that biting hurts. And explaining why it's unacceptable is a necessity. But can you not accept that by biting the child you're undermining your own explanation and showing that child that biting is ok sometimes?

Do you think your 1 year old was capable of sorting through those mixed messages?

ilovesooty · 27/07/2015 01:32

jobsworth

Another of your favourite insults.

ilovesooty · 27/07/2015 01:34

sock one would think anyone working with children would be aware of those procedures

crustsaway · 27/07/2015 01:36

Do you not think you are a bit overboard at all? Do you not think that because maybe something happened in your life, you went into your profession and are rather rigid in your views and rightly so. Or you have seen so much that it colours things?

I, luckily have never been abused. A tap in my life, means just that, a nip, means just that.

kali110 · 27/07/2015 01:37

I am gobsmacked at this thread.
I actually think sometimes people do get offended over the little things.i grew up in the early 80s where things were a lot different, but bite and slap your baby/toddler back?
Even if it's once it's not right!
The baby won't learn it's wrong, because that is what they are, a baby.
Please don't say you didn't say it, or it was taken out of context as iv read the whole thread.
Your descriptions constantly change."bite-nip,"
"it stopped him when he was 1"
"he was probably nearing 2"
People are calling it abuse because it is.
I actually hope you are lying because i feel ill thinking about you 'showing a child it hurts'.
Inflicting pain on a baby.
I wonder what your work colleagues would think if they knew.

ilovesooty · 27/07/2015 01:38

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/07/2015 01:40

One would indeed think so sooty

kali110 · 27/07/2015 01:44

Oh yes gone overboard, had terrible life to make me think giving a bite and a slap to a baby to teach them is wrong.

Nope good life good upbringing.
Def not rigid however still gobsmacked by this.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/07/2015 01:50

No. I'm rigid about it because biting children is wrong. Doing it once is a stand alone incidence of child abuse doing it more than once is repeated child abuse.

Even 20 years ago is was not acceptable

crustsaway · 27/07/2015 01:55

How old are you all?

Id say probably 20's early 30's.

Serially offended and young.

I was in all honesty trying to understand how ridiculous you are.

Now I know. You all scream like a load of drama lama's... its a habit of the young.

crustsaway · 27/07/2015 01:59

Oh get over yourselves.

son is just back from a night out andg im going to ask him if he was abused... hang on a minute..

he said yes

as if

crustsaway · 27/07/2015 02:01

i just asked him if he was scarred by me maybe giving him a pinch when he was little.

he just said I dont know and i really dont care all he cares about at the moment are the spring rolls being heated in the oven.

DixieNormas · 27/07/2015 02:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The5DayChicken · 27/07/2015 02:09

Ah, we're back to avoiding answering questions I see. Well, should you change your mind, the main three are in my most recent post before this one. Without answers to those, there really is no point in talking to you further. I take no pleasure in swapping idle mockery with someone who bites babies. And, to be frank, I'm not really sure you're intelligent enough to understand the questions, which explains why the answers are so difficult.

crustsaway · 27/07/2015 02:11

You just wait until theyre teens and you have to stay up waiting for them to come home worrying yourselves silly because you know about the dangers out there. My baby is home now and I can finally go to bed.. may give him a little pinch on the way though

crustsaway · 27/07/2015 02:18

I take no pleasure in someone banging on and on about parenting skills. I have stated what I did and would do so there is no avoiding questions at all.

Im fucking relieved that my teen is home in one piece after a night out. Now that is a worry that you have yet to get to. Its a whole different ball game.

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