'The only way we've sorted a sleep prob in this house is controlled crying' - fuck off!!

[Smataya]

I text friend who has two under two how hard it's been of late with Ds 11 months just not sleeping. I've explained before he is just not a sleeper and likes to be close at night, wakes a lot for milk and that I'm doing attachment parenting. She knows how against cc I am and I will not ever leave my child to cry. Ds has not slept for longer than an hour since he was 5 months which is starting to take its toll, but as I say, he's just not a sleeper and it's tough.

Why the f is she doing this pa bull shit about cc over text?? She's been like eerr have you tried sleep training to me before and I just don't want to hear it. Her two sleep through and I just find it smug- she's got lucky and now claiming its all down to cc. Am I justified in texting back to say ftfo to the far side of fuck?!?!

Because she is pretending to be an expert- and some mothers may be influenced by her examples.

Someone is going to try cc with their six week old on the basis of one post on MN?

Do you really think so?

Maybe I'm too optimistic, but I would like to think that a mother who is concerned enough to look for answers on MN is clever enough to do some research and further reading before taking advice from a randomer on the Internet.

Not seen Purplepumpkins say anything of the sort.

Dd 8 is Autistic and finds winding down for bedtime very difficult, we do bedtime at 8pm, she us totally manic until she ventually drops off about 11pm in her room. If I waited for her to tell me she is tired I will be waiting an awfully long time. She had to have a bed time routine so that she had decent sleep as that impacted on her behaviour, even as a toddler.

nicestrongtea

"I really do feel sorry for children whos parents don't understand what responsible parenting is.
A child not sleeping through at 3 or 4 is ridiculous and not good for the child or the parent."

You do know that adults don't sleep through the night, don't you?

aeroflot- I agree, a bedtime routine and winding down time can be very helpful in getting children to bed at at good time to ensure adequate sleep.

I think lack of sleep is rotten for everyone, children and parents alike. I won't argue with that.

Aeroflot DS1 has Aspergers and has always needed a definite winding-down routine before bed, and getting him to understand how tiredness feels - and to admit it - has taken 9 years. He's better now at relaxing at bedtime and this evening at supper sat at the table and said "I think I feel upset because I'm just so tired", which for him is a huge thing. But he's still awake up there, reading in bed. Acknowledging his tiredness and being able to switch off have always been very different challenges for him.

Routines can be a fab part of bedtime, and both DCs here like them. But I wouldn't for a second assume that my routines would work for anyone else. And threads like this make parenting so much harder because everyone seems to jump on everyone else's opinions/habits and pull them apart. Where's the support and respect? If you have to use CC to save your own sanity, who am I to hoist up my judgy pants?

Just realised you are talking about PurplePumpkin and Im talking about PurpleSwift

Yes they are usually pretty miserable Disappointed

It certainly is four dd was such a hard baby crying all the time, not being able to be soothed, very demanding day and night, we were desparate for sleep. But only tried CC when she was 1 year old, and all else failed and we were at our wits. Being in our bed with us, instead of calming her down, made her more hyper. Too much sensory input from both if us rolling about, we were getting virtually no sleep. In her room she was calmer alone, her soothing music, she calmed much better. Each child is different and how they respond. aP won't work for every family, nor will CC.

Yes they are usually pretty miserable Disappointed

I think you've misunderstood me. Every human, adult or not, wakes at night. Most just don't remember it.

I totally agree snapes, children who are Autistic produce less melatonin, which makes tge body sleepy, hence there are a lot of families like us with children who have ASD and sleep dufficulties. It is only when Autism was mentioned by Paed when dd was 3 and we read more about the condition that everything slotted into place. Even now, if she cries at bedtime, I will calm her, snuggle for 5 mins and go straight downstairs.

That didn't come across in your post and quite frankly I cant see what your point is.
Im fully aware that we go through sleep cycles and have brief unremembered wakings .
Presumably the adult isn't waking up the entire household and causing misery though.

Im tired so Im off to bed.
Sleep well everyone

Disappointed no one is discussing children and babies waking briefly during the night and going straight back to sleep.

Are you able to read? I'm only asking because you seem to think that points are being raised and things are being written, that aren't.

Am I? I'm sure you said something earlier about someone holding a pillow over my face..... that wasn't very nice was it?

It's a shame the general level of debate around here has bottomed out recently. Time was, you could have a meaty discussion with someone without resorting to insults.

Ah well, t'was all fields, etc

Does anyone really think CC at 6 weeks is a good idea and to be recommended?

purplepumpin obvioulsly.

Despite the fact that the NSPCC and NHS advise against it at that age. although the NSPCC don't support CC at any age.They are also considering the recommendation that no baby under the age of one (at least) should be sleep trained.

The NSPCC needs to butt the fuck out and let parents parent.

Where were they for Baby P and Daniel Pelka? Until they do their job properly I suggest they leave me to get on with mine.

That's the spirit swallowed.

Has the OP long gone?

I don't like cc, but have had to deal with years of sleep problems (severely autistic ds1 - he's 16 & has shown the whole range of sleep problems in his time, so we have tried many approaches).

If OP is still around I would say that 1 hour sleep at a time is too little - and no good for the baby. Why is he waking every hour? Comfort sucking? Does he have silent reflux (my younger two were nightmares for that, ds2 had to sleep on his side, then I discovered the amby hammock with ds3 which was a godsend - 11 months a bit old though).

Or has he not learned how to go back to sleep after those mini wakings we all have during the night, mentioned above? I was with ds1 during a mini waking the other night & it was fascinating. He falls asleep looking at 4 pictures. He stirred, woke, turned over taking all 4 pics with him, checked they were in the right place & looked very deliberately at the bits of them he likes, then went straight back to sleep.

Not wanting to do cc is fine, but there are other things you can try - and I would see it as a problem that needs sorting - for him as well. Being disturbed every hour won't be giving his brain the rest it needs.

Whilst I dislike the cc method, I honestly think any normal, loving and nurturing parent willing to overcome their natural instinct to immediately comfort their child, must believe it's in the childs interests and therefore worth it. Basically that whatever I think of cc, parents motivation must be good if they can put aside the instinct to soothe their child and stick to cc.
No nanny will ever feel that way about a child, nowhere near, so isn't mentally juggling the urge to comfort vs childs interests, so a nannys endorsement is irrelevant. As is the approval of people who need paid support to help their child to sleep. Because by paying someone to teach your child a sleep routine you're already admitting you know little about it.

Lurked with CC you do sooth and comfort your child, but you wait min or so before you go in. You cannit judge unless you have walked in those parents shoes.

See, I don't understand this "natural instinct to immediately comfort your child" thing.

My natural instinct is to stop, listen, and decide what kind of cry it is. If scared or distressed, I go in. If whingy, sleepy or bored, I wait a minute to see if it is going to develop into a scream, or stop. Nine times out of ten, it stops without me ever have gone in.

When my child falls over and cries, my natural instinct is to say "oh never mind, you're not hurt, jump up!" (unless a limb is obviously hanging off), not to run over and fawn over every tiny cry.

Maybe I'm a shit parent, I don't know, but it seems to work for me.

That's my point aero. If you as a parent are willing to overcome the natural response of immediately responding, I believe you can only be doing it because you genuinely believe its best for the child. And I'd never judge a parent for doing something they believe is best for their child, whatever I think of the method. But when your role is as a nanny, not a parent, you aren't having to put natural emotions to one side, so you don't have the same rights to say the decision to cc is in the childs best interests because the decision has less emotion than for a parent.