'The only way we've sorted a sleep prob in this house is controlled crying' - fuck off!!

[Smataya]

I text friend who has two under two how hard it's been of late with Ds 11 months just not sleeping. I've explained before he is just not a sleeper and likes to be close at night, wakes a lot for milk and that I'm doing attachment parenting. She knows how against cc I am and I will not ever leave my child to cry. Ds has not slept for longer than an hour since he was 5 months which is starting to take its toll, but as I say, he's just not a sleeper and it's tough.

Why the f is she doing this pa bull shit about cc over text?? She's been like eerr have you tried sleep training to me before and I just don't want to hear it. Her two sleep through and I just find it smug- she's got lucky and now claiming its all down to cc. Am I justified in texting back to say ftfo to the far side of fuck?!?!

It's like bf vs FF, whatever works for you and your family, there is no right or wrong.

aeroflot I have done nothing of the sort. CC is a method of choice for some families.
Could you please show me where I made out CC to be a barbaric method?

I have said nothing of the kind.

I never bought into the whole choose a method and stick with it route, just looked at different approaches to situations and picked the one that worked for us for that issue.
That said I really dislike cc. Babies and toddlers cry for a reason, even if that reason is irrational to us. We ignore toddler tantrums to teach them tantrums don't get them attention or their own way. And I think reducing bedtime to the same level not only teaches them bedtime is a bad thing, but when you're upset nobody pays attention either. They stop crying eventually because they realise you aren't going to properly comfort them, not because they've reasoned through the fact their being silly and should go to sleep. Last message I'd want to send my child.
That said if someone suggested it to me thinking they were helping, rather than just an open discussion, I'd keep my opinion to myself and politely say 'I appreciate the suggestion, I know it was intended to help and worked for you but it's not one that suits us. But thanks again for trying to help'

I am sorry I came over as a bit heavy four, I meant unsavoury or undesirable.

Reading the last post, it seems those people who don't agree with CC do not really understand properly how it works, how it's done. You do not leave a baby crying out until it gets fed up, you do go and sooth them, not straight away.

You don't pick them up at night and stimulate them, you sooth them with your presence and your voice, then leave the gap you wait a bit longer each time. It will not work for everyone, but for us it did, it saved our sanity for dd to be able to sleep content,y, as she was not happy in our bed. As she was nit getting enough sleep we were all tired and ratty.

MY DD, having slept through the night from 3 months at 3 years suddenly developed a habit of creeping into our bed at night. After a couple of weeks of this I had had enough (I am a firm believer in own bed, own room) I took her straight back and did the "gradual retreat" - ie started off in bed with her, then on the floor, then by the door, then outside the door. Within two weeks she had got it!

And from 6:30 am she was allowed to come into our room and into the bed for a morning cuddle.

Amother, that's exactly what we did, she would sneak in the morning for a snuggle.

aeroflot- I understand how CC works. I do know it's not the same as CIO.
It is simply a method I choose not to use.

I also decided not to use dummies- and I don't vilify dummy users either.

aeroflot thanks for your back track, but why do you assume I think CC is "unsavoury"?

I'll just leave this here.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130107110538.htm

Great disappointed another stick to beat parents with. Yes parenting practices have evolved to fit in with modern life, a lot of parents need to go to work so need to be able to function especially if tgat job holds a degree of responsibility. If you need a child to be in their bedrooms and to get a proper nights sleep, so be it. Yes I agree with you fourth, it's up to you what you do. It's part of the differences in parenting.

We used CC and it worked with both kids in 2 nights, we didn't have hours of crying each night either. After those 2 nights everyone in the household was happier as everyone had had a better nights sleep. I don't understand why some people think teaching your child to get themselves back to sleep and to sleep through the night is barbaric whilst being a sleep deprived moaning martyr with a sleep deprived baby and spouse isn't.
If a friend of mine sent me a text like the op I'd reply like the friend did. CC worked for me. There's no point moaning to friends about a problem if you don't want their help and advice.
I think attachment parenting is pants for the ladies who lunch brigade, but then I went back to work after 3 months so needed to be alert and well rested.

No one is calling the method "barbaric".

But nice that you set the tone which also allows you to describe other women as "moaning martyrs".

Delightful.

Another vote for Andrea Grace here - our first night last night following her methods with our DS who usually wakes 2-3 times a night for a bottle. So no bottles now, re-setting the sleep behaviours with a new book, a new bedtime routine, no milk at bedtime, and cc for 2mins and then 10 seconds in room, and 2mins and then 10 seconds. Resettle by patting back and saying the sleepy phrase. leave room. We had a loooooong hour and fifteen minutes of this at 2045 and another half hour of it at 2am. Then he slept until 845!!!
Best night for a long time.
We were desperate for sleep - both working full time and with two older DDs, our marriage is at breaking point mostly due to the lack of sleep and resentment. I'm praying this is the answer.......

Sorry the barbaric comment was from me, it was a bit of a heavy comment, I cou,dent find the right word, I what I really meant was undesirable.

I do understand the method entirely, I'm not basing my opinion on some dodgy view it involves hours of heart breaking sobs and screaming and parents happily ignoring them. I just disagree with how it works. But like I said, expressing that opinion in an open conversation about cc, or on here, is entirely different to responding rudely to someone trying to help, or randomly sharing my opinion in rl with people who use that method.
While I may dislike the method, I realise others use it because they think differently, me criticising/ disliking the method itself doesn't mean I am also mentally criticising anyone who uses it or judging them.
2rebecca saying others are sleep deprived martyrs is as silly and far fetched as saying cc involves kids sobbing themselves hoarse. Both extremes are silly and irrelevant to the majority using either method.

No not necessarily lurked, yes if you just left them to cry. But dd woukd be crying anyway cc or not.

Cc works, I've done it with all my nanny charges (with patents consent) all my children I've cared for slept at night and took lengthy naps. Enjoyed being in their beds etc and are now all healthy thriving children. My latest baby is 8 months had her from a day old at 6 weeks we sleep trained her with the CC and she's a happy little girl who loves her naps.

Im not suggesting your wrong OP but I'm saying it works for me.

purple- I don't think anyone disputes that it works.

That's not the issue.

Well I know but people seem to think it's cruel and wrong and I wanted to share my professional opinion..

But I will add there's no need for OP friend to be smug about it, my cousin can't do cc and she doesn't much care and that's fine with me I wouldnt dream of telling her how to raise her child unless she asked for my opinion.

I don't think anyone has suggested it's wrong- it's just another approach. And one that some of us choose not to do.

purplepumkins- do you have children of your own?

Nope but I'm a nanny who has Over ten years experience looking after babies. So no I don't have any of my own. Not sure why it matters? a nanny cares and loves a child like her own.

It matters a great deal.

Having experience of being a nanny is not the same as having experience of being a mother.

If my six month old baby cried my t shirt would be instantly wet.

a nanny cares and loves a child like her own.

No she doesn't. And nor should she. It's not your place to be a mother- it's your place to be a nanny.

No matter how much you care for your charges it cannot compare to the feelings between a mother and child.

I disagree completely that CC teaches a baby that no one comes if you cry.
It teaches that the parent does come ,settles you and goes again( as many times as needed) because its safe and ok for you to go to sleep
Its that reassurance that that its ok and safe to go to sleep that the child learns.
As for all these studies suggesting children are being damaged- is lack of sleep good for babies/children/families- no its bloody harmful!

My DC loved their beds as small children and adored being tucked in and snuggling down still do as hairy 14 hour sleeping teens
I find it very sad that some children don't and their parents think its ok to absolve themselves of the responsibility of teaching their children good sleep hygiene.