to ask why, if it's generally accepted to be the behaviour of a twat, do parents exclude a couple of kids from class parties?

[Chippedrippedandstinking]

Inspired by Lappy's thread, we all agree it's wrong and yet it happens. With flame amnesty, will abuone admit to doing it, and if so, why?
And if it happened to you, did you call the parents on it?

I've only seen it once, the mother was taken aside and an invitation was issued.

I agree "ItsMine" IMLE, the bullies I have come across, both in childhood and over the years my DD has been at school, most have been from wealthy (ish) backgrounds (I used to go to private school where it was far more rife I would say.) I actually cannot think of any instances in my own childhood or DD being at school or me working in a school, where a bully has come from a poorer background. I'm not saying they don't - this is just what I have seen or heard over years.

I don't think you do need to sympathise with your bullies sdt, anything but. I've moved on from my childhood but not in a forgive and forget way, just for the most part tried to shove it in a box, that occassionally I pull a thin thread from before jumping on the lid before the rest gets out. I'm the last person to tell you to forgive your bullies or stop bearing grudges, because I do still. I just keep them shut up or they'd take over. Maybe your bullies were led by one sociopath, or abused child, or spoilt pfb who the rest were in thrall to for whatever reason. Who knows. And maybe they're ashamed, guilty, or never matured enough to see what bastards they were. Or have selective memories. You'll probably never really know so I agree considering your bullies motivations is not constructive nor is sympathy for them a likely or useful outcome. And from experience I can tell you no apology or explanation after the event is ever good enough or vaguely satisfying for the victim. Personally it just pissed me off more and insulted me that they could dismiss it as something an apology could ever mend.
I meant sympathising in cases that aren't as close to home iyswim. Although I'm possibly being a bit hypocritical to suggest it, because I will never sympathise with an abusive parent, no matter what their reasons are. I'll always put myself in the place of the child, so I get why you might do the same with a victim of peer bullying.

sympathising in cases which aren't so close to home

Can you define "close to home"? Is your own child "close to home", because for a lot of this thread, lurked, you've been a big advocate of looking for reasons children behave in a bullying way, being sympathetic to them and inviting them to parties because their behaviour is very likely caused by SN/being a victim themselves/having parents who are "poor parents"/being the PFB of wealthy parents.

So are you now saying that DC should not invite children who have been horrible to them to their parties? As long as some other, completely nice friends of your child are also left out to even it up?

If this thread is anything to go by, at what age do we allow children to say who is mistreating them?

There are many areas in teenager/young adult/adult life where harassment/bullying/general issues are raised and as they are not clear and are "resolved" purely on the say so of the person that makes the complaint.

If this were a thread about a primary school child against a teacher a whole host of posters would (I believe) be posting very differently.

Let's be honest now evil the majority of bullying cases aren't at the extreme that some of the posters on here have mentioned suffering. And therefore most of the bullies aren't either. Especially when you bear in mind that most posters mentioning extreme bullying weren't in ks1 at the time. Not to mention that in a lot of cases in real life in the age range that usually have class parties the child crying bully isn't a victim at all, but for whatever reason, is painting themselves as one.
And as far as close to home goes, most people aren't in extreme categories so have no justification for not sympathising with both groups, the victim and in many cases the bully, especially if we're discussing small children. Of course any parent will view their child as 'close to home', it's natural, and be more concerned about them. But unless you have been in the extreme position that sdt and a couple of others have, it shouldn't cloud your judgement to the point you have zero consideration for a small child.
Personally I don't see it makes any odds of you swop some perfectly nice kids who happen to be in the same class for equally nice kids your child is actually pretty friendly with out of school. I hardly think my child is unique in also having friends that aren't in her school class, so it's hardly a rare scenario. Alternatively if that really goes against your principals and you feel your depriving your child somehow, have just half the class and spend more, if that's how you perceive giving your child an equally good one to inviting all but one of the whole class.
I'd also prefer you not to take comments out of context to try and make derogatory comments about my possible opinions, if you want to be derogatory do so about my stated opinions.

All of your comments are on one thread, lurked, so I'm not sure how I can have taken them "out of context"

I wouldn't be in the position of swapping friends - I just let my children decide who they want to invite, which has always tended to include school friends and out-of-school friends.