To think Dds friends age 9 are a dead loss?

[Orangeanddemons]

It's always the same every holiday. Dd wants her friends to play. They are never available or initiate contact. So dd hardly ever sees them. She has one friend who has been to our house a fair amount. But it's never ever reciprocated.

I now feel embarrassed contacting the parents as the dc are never around or available

I agree derxa and whoever you are quoting :o

I was on a thread the other day where somebody said she'd hide on the floor of her caravan if other children came over wanting to play with hers on a campsite holiday. .. and there are so many people who routinely don't answer the door or phone just on principle. ..

I don't understand the "sacred family time" thing - is that actually what the kids want, or a case of Mummy Knows Best ... or adults wishes overriding kids on some kind of moral grounds

Here if we're home we have a houseful of kids - friends from the street are school friends too as everyone goes to the local school. If the bell rings or the land line rings there's a 75% chance it's for one of the kids. It's pretty much ideal and I don't know anyone who forces their child to remain in a guided cage or micromanaged activities all summer - though plenty (including mine) do the local council programme of activities (but there is a flurry of phone calls before enrolling to see who's doing what). Summer schemes are used if you're very into the activity (football camp etc - but that's only 5 days) or by people who need it for childcare.

*gilded not guided cage

I feel for any kids whose birthdays are in school holidays . I remember a mother at school telling me she organised a party in the holidays and hardly anyone came. I felt awful for the child in question (dd was not invited as they were in different years) as most didn't even bother replying.

Op I am kind of in the middle. If dd was desperate to see her friends I would organise something. But a lot of the time during the holidays she isn't fussed. She misses her friends, a little, but doesn enjoy the break. If she was invited for a play date and disn't want to go, I wouldn't make her. It's not that she doesn't like her friends, just that she would rather do something with us. Even if it's just hand out in the garden.

This is such a weird thread !

We haven't long moved so DC have no local friends yet.

School friends are spread out so meet ups have to be arranged with parents.

It had never crossed my mind some parents would actively not want their DCs mixing with school friends over the holidays.

They both do out of school clubs but don't know anyone well enough at these to be considered friends.

DS has done 1 (previous school) meet up/sleepover. He's not as bothered as dd.

Dd is like your dd, OP- she wants to see her school friends. Thankfully they are mostly in the same situation (streets where no one plays out/onlies/spread out & want to meet up). I expect meet ups/ sleepovers once a week over the holidays although as far as dd is concerned this isn't enough!

I think it's important for her social development to spend lots of time during the holidays socialising. There is so much more time now than term time. I wouldn't want her just sitting around the house all day with the odd family day trip out. She has been away for a few days but we aren't having a family summer holiday so it's a long 6 weeks!

Maybe it's easier with her school friends because her year has a Facebook group for parents and so we are all fb friends with each other so it's easy to send pms to arrange play dates.

I think some people on this thread are quite anti social and rude.

Only read upto page 9 of the thread.

I think when the OP made the unfortunate "dead loss" comment, she was referring to the situation rather than the classmates, although I admit it doesn't read like that.

Do most of the classmates' parents in question work, OP? I think that makes a difference. If you work FT, or even PT, the work days are already arranged weeks in advance due to childcare issues, and on the work free days, parents are much more likely to want exclusive family time.

I can understand how you and your DD feel, the 6 weeks holidays used to drag and drag when I was a child, even though I had a friend up the street who I occasionally played with.

If there isn't a culture of playing out in your street, that's hardly a failing on your part. I would put my foot down though, and finances allowing, try and get your DD signed upto something a couple of days a week, and put your foot down for your sanity as much as hers.

My youngest 3 are currently playing Disney Infinity on the x-box, but I was your daughter as a child.

Why do stuff in the front garden with her . Do a hopscot. Kids aways want to know what that is.
You said you have older children I think you need to meet up with them get them to take her out.

My children have been off for over 3 weeks already and we haven't arranged any play dates. There are lots of children on our street so they have been out playing everyday, we have had trips out and sometimes they go to the grandparents when I am at work. There simply isn't time for anything else.

It is odd that you say I think I just wanted to vent about the fact that out of all dd's friends, I am the only parent who issues invitations to play that are never reciprocated. Even when they come round it is never reciprocated, and they love coming round

Why do you think dd is the only child that never gets invited elsewhere?

Stark illustration here of the result of the'my little family 'syndrome.

Leafy suburbs with big plots, high electronic gates and long driveways are the loneliest homes...for children and old people.

Lucky,lucky estate dwellers,where life is lived in technicolour!

not just because of non-estate living - adults have become a lot more selfish - selfish of their time, selfish of their space, a definite "my little family" thing seems to be going on.

I get it all the time -
"oh, I couldn't be doing with all the coming and going" - why what difference does it make
"what do you do when it isn't convenient?" say so
"we both work, so weekends are family time" you'd rather the kids sat and watched you mow the lawn, or went round Waitrose than spend an hour playing with a friend

No Somewhere it's not selfishness - people are knackered and time-poor. Well we are knackered - 3 kids, complex work, own health needs, no back-up (quite the reverse elderly parents for whom we have caring responsibility). The idea of someone else's kid round is sometimes just too much. Actually relatively we have friends round quite a lot because it cancels dd out .

I was an only child OP, and our house was always full of kids because my mum had less to contend with and was happy to have folks round to entertain me. I think parents of onlies have to do more running because bigger families can always play fight and bicker with each other. Also this will sound mean but we are really careful about who we invite round. Some kids are really high maintenance and expect to be waited on hand and foot. Others are more go with the flow and they are more likely to get invited. Not saying your DD is like that.

We don't live on an estate - small village outside Munich :o Kids couldn't conceive of being turned away because their mates were "having family time" - it just isn't a "thing". Kids are in and out of each others houses normally. But yes lotsof sahm or grandma/ auntie next door so lots of kids with freedom who know they can go home any time/ be sent home easily if they are pesky.

I agree high maintenance kids get sent home or not invited back - too right having kuds round should entertain mine not make work for me!

somewhere

We live in London - about as crammed together as you can get. And I work with children. And one of mine is an introvert and needs time to recharge

Your post makes lots of assumptions

"family time" = I am too bloody tired to deal with your kid too, or the complicated transport arrangements, plus my washing machine's broken down and it's just easier not to introduce another factor into the day.

it's an excuse, not a "thing" although I think people increasingly have to schedule time to spend together or they never will. I look back on my childhood in the 70s and kids roaming the streets, perfectly safely, getting fed somewhere, and only going home at bedtime, and wish it could be more like that but for most kids these days it's not.

with an only child the pressures are different, the dynamic is different and I think the OP is just not aware of that as an issue.

TheRealMary for you and someothers "family time" mmight be code for "can't face other people in the house now" but I don'tget that iimpression from the people saying "our sacred family time" etc.

As I said before, some people have to schedule time to spend together or it won't happen. I have some sympathy with that, don't you? Though less with people laying it on with a trowel about how busy they are and how precious their family is etc.

Actually I find that we all do just need time to knock around the house irritating the arse out of each other together, even if we are all doing our own thing. It's restful and restorative for a bit. That's not to say I would necessarily turn down the opportunity for someone to go off somewhere with a chum, just I might not proactively choose to invite a friend over which would mean I had to lay on entertainment and food.

I also find my resistance to having friends over for holiday play dates depends on the children.

The ones that will eat whatever we happen to eat that day, disappear with dd and entertain themselves/ each other, make their own way here or are dropped off- any time, stay til bedtime or sleep over, no problem.

The picky eaters I have to meal plan around who need me to go and sort out arguments or tend to make a huge mess then need to be dropped home by me, but not after arguments about how much longer? See you in September.

I'm on Holiday, too.