to expect my DH to claim his expenses? RANT!

[MrsRossPoldark]

So, I know what response I'm going to get here - this is a rant to get it all off my chest really!

DH has repeatedly told me that he can't get his company's expenses system to accept his expenses [they do their own as they are a consultancy and don't have their own HR dept - or payroll, or whatever] to do their expenses for them.

He is an IT consultant who specialises in project management techniques, such as how to prioritise, how to use IT effectively etc!

He works away from home M-Th every week so should in theory have loads of time to do his expenses in the evenings. He also seems to spend every spare hour at home watching storage hunters and/or complaining of headaches.

He hasn't done his expenses for months now and when I asked him to get his finger out at the weekend, told me how much he estimated he was owed in expenses - c£20K!! . I have just gone through our last 6 months' bank statements [he never looks at them] - of the expenses I can identify and the salary coming in, I reckon he is actually working for half-pay, as his expenses pm equate to half his monthly income!

It's not as if I haven't tackled him about this before - several times over the last few months I have checked the bank statements and not seen any expenses being paid in. I have offered to do his expenses for him [come on, how hard can it be?] but he says it's too difficult to explain [really?] but he won't hand over his receipts [partly because he leaves them in piles all over our bookshelves, his bedside table, his study desk upstairs, in his pocket, in his car, etc etc]. AIBU to think he really is too busy just to spend an hour once a week doing his expenses instead of letting them build up like this?

When I said WTAF [can't figure out how to make the shouty text any 'louder'], he then followed up by saying that work would get him into trouble as he's late submitting [which I take to mean that after say 3 months his receipts are no longer valid and they won't pay those expenses.]

WIBU to email his workplace to ask if I can submit his expenses on his behalf - if it's that hard, maybe I should hire myself out for the other consultants too, and charge them £15ph for the privilege of having me submit their expenses. I have never heard of a company's expenses system being too hard to submit to??? I have worked as a consultant myself and worked away from home, so I know that yes, it may be tediously boring, but if you did it once a week it shouldn't take long! It's our family's income he's compromising and we are only just struggling to break even after a disastrous couple of years when he made some pretty crap decisions about our own business that left us heavily in debt. We are just clawing our way back and now he behaves like this!

Not sure I'm looking for any advice - apart from how the hell do I get him to do something - fast!!

Are you sure he hasn't got another family tucked away somewhere?

Did you ever get this sorted?

Still ongoing.

He has now submitted June and July but says he has to wait now to be issued a 'new code' before he can do the next set? What I don't understand is why he is doing it from July backwards and not from October forwards? Surely it's more important to get the oldest ones dealt with first to make sure they don't go out of date (unless of course they already are).

I keep reminding him and he keeps saying he's doing it. I also have an old friend of his on his case - she keeps suggesting he should just get on with it and asks him regularly how far he's got. I am also using her to keep me informed - as a newly retired VP of a multinational who used the same expenses system for years, she is a reality check for him and a source of useful ways to remind him!

Good luck ...... I hope you celebrate if they ever get paid

May be he is like me- I did all mine for the last tax year and submitted paperwork to HMCR in one go in June. It somehow got harder and harder to sit down and do it, until I became phobic about it. It was because it was the first time I had tried to claim money back and it was just weirdly frightened the life out of me (MN confession-no one knows in RL). I finally got round to it when the rest of my life became a lot less manic and stressful, and I had a few hours peace and quiet. I've just claimed 4 months expenses from another employer, but I hope I will be braver now I understand their systems. I too have 'high powered' decision making type profession, and in my personal life I am considered sensible and a good planner,but doing personal expenses freaks me in the same way as heights, snakes etc. No logic at all; can anyone suggest why or how to overcome this bizarre phobia?

I bet it's too late to submit all the ones before June and July and he's stalling. Has the company actually paid out for the ones he's managed to submit yet?

I use to work in an admin/HR office for a well-known retailer. The employees who claimed back expenses were always seen as the tight, desperate, people.

Painfulbits what were the expenses you were processing? There is no way on gods earth I would take the hit for 2k of hotel bill, for the "privilege" of not being able to live at home, and extra childcare costs involved. We are out of pocket without me having to pay for my 10 nights in a hotel, plus an additional 5 nights for someone I needed with me, but had been refused a works credit card as they weren't a high enough grade.

Esorry, hit return. I didn't claim for the icecream I'd have if I got out before the gelateria closed, but I did claim for the evening meals when we stumped up for 5 of us as the most senior person there. I don't think that is being tight or I need to be paid enough to have a random 3.5k lying round some months

MrsRoss how's your husbands expenses going?

addictedtosugar: could have sworn I'd sent you a quick update but here goes-

Latest comment when I asked how much he has left to claim was "oh about £20K". My response was along the lines of "well that's OK then" "ffs can you just get on with it"

He then had another dig at me for keeping my paltry p-t earnings in a separate account, whereas his has always been in our shared account [for 19 years we had a joint account, but only for the last 18 months have I had my own account, where my earnings go - this is used to pay for kids' extra-curricular activities and to keep some money for savings, as we haven't got anything saved otherwise, so it's not as if I use it all for me. I have just spent £40 on a professional haircut, after cutting my own hair for the last 3 years! And yes, gentle reader, he did ask me how much that cost!]

We discussed the issue at length and the solution apparently isn't for him to claim his expenses and to stop paying in to various unnecessary schemes we don't need, which would get our finances back on track, but for me to get a full-time job in the commercial sector! So he can spend more and forget to claim his expenses - result! Why didn't I think of that?

Incidentally - I am job-hunting at the moment, but I have been for some time, without much success yet. I'm doing that as I feel I have more to give work-wise to provide him with a get out clause.

I'm sorry OP but there is definitely something wrong here !! He won't claim a lot of money that's owed to him but he's giving you a hard time about your P-T wages? He's done something bad money wise I think.

Another one who suspects he's hiding something. Just can't believe this OP, you have the patience of a saint.

This is insane. There is clearly more to this than just procrastination. Whether you will ever get to the bottom of it is unlikely...unless it turns out to be some illegal activity that will bring the Police to your door. He is setting up Straw Man arguments re your working FT so as to divert attention from him and his nefarious activities.

That sounds shit.
Can your "FT" job be sorting his expenses?? Sounds like that is a couple of thousand a month - quite likely more than the difference between your PT and FT wage.

It sounds as though you need that money, as your H has lost your joint money. Don't you dare "share" with him till this is sorted out!

OTheHugeManatee: re patience of a saint - and other comments - not really! I can see that the expenses are there and I also can see that he isn't claiming them [I am the only one who ever bothers to actually look at our account and he knows I am keeping an eye on them much closer than I have done. The figures I have are only for transactions I can actually identify, so doesn't include credit card use nor cash txns]. So far, he says he's still got £20K of 'backed up' expenses left to claim and in the meantime, is racking up expenses all the time, as he will be working away from home for a few more months yet living away from home permanently .

pluck: don't you worry - he isn't getting his hands on 'my' money. I don't actually treat it as mine any more [even if I did] - I am saving a lot of it up and paying it over to an ISA every now and again to make sure he can't get at it. It's also only in my name so even if he complains, he can't have it.

We originally agreed that once I'd found a job, I could set up my own account and use the money for clothes, haircuts, books - you deserve it after spending 18 years as a SAHM bringing up my 3 x DS. He will still keep going on and using it as a stick to beat me with though, along with "when my parents died, I put all my inheritance into joint finances, so why don't you?" [in reference to my wise parents giving me little bank transfers every so often, to protect from inheritance tax later on]. Give you one guess why I don't let you piss it all up the wall, dear!

Are you sure he is t trying to hide something. Are these expenses legit? Could he be away seeing someone and telling you he is on business to cover it?

Jeez that doesn't sound good at all.

So you should earn more money so that his employers can keep his as he couldn't be bothered to claim it back.It just makes no sense at all.

I'm in shock. I think the only thing I've ever left unclaimed is a 70p parking receipt that got lost in the back of my purse. £20K?!? Why doesn't he have a company card or have travel/hotel expenses paid through the company directly?

So he's still not fucking claimed them, then?

This is just ridiculous. That's out annual income. Has he always been bad with money and responsibility

That's not just infutiating, it's extremely unsettling, and dangerous for your financial "health". Missed payments aren't great for future credit-worthiness!

Just imagine you paid for a school trip or something, and then he got a huge tax bill or some other "unexpected" expense! My DH is a contractor, and once reached crisis point with a VAT bill he hadn't expected. He and I both cleared out savings and ISAs to get the bill paid before a fine was triggered, and ever since then, if I don't feel that our savings are enough for another hit, I'll scrimp and put off major purchases. If he nags me to sort out something like finally ordering curtains for our new house, I throw that instability in his face!

I would be asking him what he is hiding? If he is innocent then he will be desperate to prove to you that he is not playing around, and CLAIM his expenses!

sockattack: Oh yes, he has form alright! Was always bad at finance / admin and getting worse as time goes on. He took over my & a GFs business a few years back and decided it was a limited company and a full-time shop way before we were ready. As a result, we all [4 shareholders] lost out and we [DH & I] ended up badly overdrawn. I recently had to apply for his driving licence for him as he needed it for ID and to pay a speeding ticket and hadn't bothered to apply for a replacement [we went to USA in 2009 and I had to drive as he had lost it way before then]. I also had to do the forms to pay for said speeding ticket and yesterday finally gave in and did the forms for his two-weeks-out-of-date car tax for him [yes, I know it only takes 5 mins to do it online, but somehow, using yet another 5 mins of my time is better than him spending 5 mins of his valuable time to do it himself]!

He is also obsessed that he might die without adequate cover for me and the DKs [sweet really] so has two life insurance policies - one of which our IFA [who happens to be an old friend of mine] has said several times is way over-insuring him, but he seems to want to ensure that we are all rolling in luxury after he's gone [no sign of that yet] but not while he's alive. Costs too much but he won't contemplate cancelling it [bit like cancelling your lottery subs in case your numbers come up?!]

I'm not sure he has quite figured out yet where his priortities lie but he's figuring it out with some persuasion from me. I have just scanned and sent him some c/c statements from January this year for him to submit his hotel expenses from way back then. He plans to take the weekend to focus on his expenses and tells me he thinks it will take him a total of 20 hours [actual not elapsed] to do, which to me means about a week elapsed time. I will be keeping him on task and not giving him any other attention until he gets it done.

pluck: that's what really upsets me - we have cleared out all our savings and sold some assets [including a flat we rented which was our pension as we don't have any other provision for retirement]. We have taken out a flexiloan account. He seems to have forgotten that a flexiloan is a loan and has to be paid back - it isn't an account he can just borrow from to pay for his work expenses and then forget about it.

If anything huge comes up, we can't pay for it. Recently, we had to pay >£1K to have a dangerous tree taken down. Borrowed against the loan account of course. Trouble is, the money's there if we have to use it, but we can't ever forget that we must pay it back.