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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect my DH to claim his expenses? RANT!

250 replies

MrsRossPoldark · 21/07/2015 21:21

So, I know what response I'm going to get here - this is a rant to get it all off my chest really!

DH has repeatedly told me that he can't get his company's expenses system to accept his expenses [they do their own as they are a consultancy and don't have their own HR dept - or payroll, or whatever] to do their expenses for them.

He is an IT consultant who specialises in project management techniques, such as how to prioritise, how to use IT effectively etc!

He works away from home M-Th every week so should in theory have loads of time to do his expenses in the evenings. He also seems to spend every spare hour at home watching storage hunters and/or complaining of headaches.

He hasn't done his expenses for months now and when I asked him to get his finger out at the weekend, told me how much he estimated he was owed in expenses - c£20K!! Shock. I have just gone through our last 6 months' bank statements [he never looks at them] - of the expenses I can identify and the salary coming in, I reckon he is actually working for half-pay, as his expenses pm equate to half his monthly income!

It's not as if I haven't tackled him about this before - several times over the last few months I have checked the bank statements and not seen any expenses being paid in. I have offered to do his expenses for him [come on, how hard can it be?] but he says it's too difficult to explain [really?] but he won't hand over his receipts [partly because he leaves them in piles all over our bookshelves, his bedside table, his study desk upstairs, in his pocket, in his car, etc etc]. AIBU to think he really is too busy just to spend an hour once a week doing his expenses instead of letting them build up like this?

When I said WTAF [can't figure out how to make the shouty text any 'louder'], he then followed up by saying that work would get him into trouble as he's late submitting [which I take to mean that after say 3 months his receipts are no longer valid and they won't pay those expenses.]

WIBU to email his workplace to ask if I can submit his expenses on his behalf - if it's that hard, maybe I should hire myself out for the other consultants too, and charge them £15ph for the privilege of having me submit their expenses. I have never heard of a company's expenses system being too hard to submit to??? I have worked as a consultant myself and worked away from home, so I know that yes, it may be tediously boring, but if you did it once a week it shouldn't take long! It's our family's income he's compromising and we are only just struggling to break even after a disastrous couple of years when he made some pretty crap decisions about our own business that left us heavily in debt. We are just clawing our way back and now he behaves like this!

Not sure I'm looking for any advice - apart from how the hell do I get him to do something - fast!!

OP posts:
Optimist1 · 21/07/2015 21:46

Does he actually know how the new expenses system works? Could he go into the office one Friday with his big black bag of receipts and spend time with someone in Finance who would walk him through the procedure and deal with the problems he's been encountering?

wowfudge · 21/07/2015 21:47

I work with someone who will do anything to avoid actually concentrating on sorting out his own expenses. We even have an electronic system where you photograph your receipts using an app and it puts them into your expenses account along with a credit card feed. He cannot be bothered and has even tried getting someone else to take the photos for him. You're supposed to do it as you go along so it doesn't become an insurmountable task and it is very easy to use.

OP you need to calmly tell him the financial impact his inaction is having on your family. What's the point of you working when he's prepared to effectively fritter away an amount greater (I'm guessing that's the case) than your wages?

Does he have an accountant? Could they help in some way?

LaurieMarlow · 21/07/2015 21:47

Fucking ridiculous behaviour. You should start flushing £50 notes down the loo to make a point about wasting family money

achieve15 · 21/07/2015 21:47

sorry OP I missed the £20k bit.
now I've fainted

Peshwari · 21/07/2015 21:50

I thought I was a bit lazy with expenses but the most I've ever written off is a £12 taxi fare - missing a receipt and getting the rest of expenses paid on time was worth forgoing that amount.

I've yet to find a decent app to do what I want though, open to recommendations

thenightsky · 21/07/2015 21:52

Oh God the stress. My DH used to be like this. 2k of expenses outstanding at the end of every month and us overdrawing to pay the credit card off. I had to stamp feet and weep to get him to do them in the end.

He has now got a lot better and spends the last Sunday in every month doing them properly.

Phew.

DoreenLethal · 21/07/2015 21:56

he made some pretty crap decisions about our own business that left us heavily in debt

So he has got form then?

He needs to pull his fucking finger out.

Clutterbugsmum · 21/07/2015 22:00

As he has done this type of behaviour before I would

A} find and sort out all the receipts I could find.

B} Give him beans on toast everyday until he has recouped all the money he hasn't claimed in expenses.

MrsRossPoldark · 21/07/2015 22:05

Optimist1 - he used to go into the office on Fridays but God knows what he actually did. Now he takes 'an admin day' at home on Fridays and uses it to catch up on admin to get his shag in. Not any more, I fear!

OP posts:
Sleepsoftly · 21/07/2015 22:12

Sorry to come in here with a possible different angle.

Someone said I don't get why anyone would let that go well I have seen that before in the work that I do. Partner 1 works away during the week and has a joint bank account with Partner 2. All the expenses are put through the main family account, personal and business. This only works in the employee or consultant role. So Partner 1 may have fluctuating annual earnings, but regularly draws down on normal earnings (cash of course) to subsidise a hobby (bookies, unusual hobbies - IYSWIM), then the bonuses or overtime help mask the hobby and the expenses can be put in very ad-hoc to add another layer of covertness to the picture.

Not saying that is what is happening, but I would gather up those receipts, copy them onto pages and add up the total and present it to DH and ask him to submit the £20k. And explain why he thought it was £20k when it only adds up to £8k. And explain the difference. Either way.

Just saying. Nothing more.

Hellion7433 · 21/07/2015 22:15

I think its selfish disorganised immature behaviour

He needs to deal with all the back log then set up a system where he logs everything at the end of each day.

zipzap · 21/07/2015 22:23

And I'd bet that if he is estimating the cost as £20K then the actual cost is a good chunk higher - he's said what he thinks you'll think is a reasonable amount...

If you're gathering up his receipts from now on, can you put each week into a separate envelope or bag in the big box - with a date written on the front - so that he's half way there to having them sorted.

Are there any big repeating expenses such as hotel rooms or travel that you can easily see and that can be pulled out and put on an expense claim so that even if you can't claim all of it, you're getting a good chunk from it?

Could you ring up his office (or threaten to and then carry it out if he doesn't do it himself) and demand that he's given a company credit card or that they make the payments directly as he is so rubbish at doing his expenses? Might focus his mind...#

Get him a little plastic wallet to put all his receipts in during the week and see if he can manage to do that for a single week.

Refuse to have sex with him until he does his expenses?

MrsRossPoldark · 21/07/2015 22:58

He's just called me to say he's had a lovely chat with his sister - she's off to USA with her family for a holiday. She's also just sold their parents' old house (having bought it herself and rented it out for a tidy income over the last 12 years) and is using the profits to buy her kids a property they can use. Nice if you are sensible with money.

He would choose the time when I am sorting through the heap of dust, screwed up snotty hankies and spare coins I keep finding on any horizontal surface in the house! When I just muttered 'good for her' he wanted to know why I was so jealous and why I couldn't just be happy for her. I'm delighted for her as she's not so f'g stupid when it comes to money! he put the phone down saying he was going to bed & why was I so menopausal. I sent him a stroppy text just saying 'one word - expenses'.

OP posts:
MrsRossPoldark · 21/07/2015 23:03

...& I have been cutting my own hair for two years to save££?!????

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/07/2015 23:10

I would say that, at the very least, he needs to start filing his expenses properly, from now on - otherwise the problem is just going to go on growing.

I do wonder if the whole thing has just got too big - it is a mountain of a task, and seems too big for him to tackle - like when somewhere tips over from untidy to send for Kim and Aggie, and you just don't know where to start.

It is not an excuse to ignore the issue, but it maybe does mean that he needs some help to take the first steps.

NotReallyAPrincess · 21/07/2015 23:14

£20k is more than DP earns per year. Sad I would be livid, OP, if I were you. How can you let that sort of money just go to waste?

TheRealAmyLee · 21/07/2015 23:16

I would be livid after a month let alone however long this is. Totally unacceptable. 20k is over a years income for us! Shock

HerRoyalNotness · 21/07/2015 23:20

Whoa! That's huger. The only grace I'd see in that is if he is recouping cash, you'll have 20k to put into savings or pay off a chunk of mortgage etc..

Me, I take a 5quid taxi and it's in the system the next day

Hellion7433 · 21/07/2015 23:28

When he does get the expenses through, you need to treat yourself to a nice cut, colour, manicure and massage for all the stress and the thankless corner cutting you've done do far.

Postchildrenpregranny · 21/07/2015 23:30

I'venever known anyone who racks up that much in expenses who doesn't have a company credit card ..And surely hotel expenses could be billed straight to his company? Most big organisations have 'deals' with hotel chains and train companies .I used to travel occasionally for work and never booked/paid for my own travel or hotels.

textfan · 22/07/2015 05:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magicstar1 · 22/07/2015 05:36

I've just been chasing staff members for expenses forms in work. Some hadn't put any in since last year...it's going to be a pain for the accounts department, and will just get them more annoyed if he leaves it longer.

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 22/07/2015 06:03

My expenses fluctuate from £10-3000 per month but I do them every month religiously.

All mine go on the same credit card - makes it much easier to reference. Personally I'd get him a separate credit card to.use and take away his bank card if it's the family account he's using. Infantilising yes, but he's clearly demonstrated he can't be relied upon financially!

PoppyFleur · 22/07/2015 06:35

Some expense systems are painful to use, I used to dread using our system as I could write off at least half a day doing expenses. Now I do my expenses religiously every 2 weeks and it still takes an hour (because the online system is so painful) but once I have completed I do feel better.

Your DH has got into a bad habit of letting receipts build up and now he sees the task as insurmountable so is delaying until he has 'enough' time to tackle the task. Procrastination at its best.

He needs to stop delaying and just address it immediately. Then he needs to remain on top of things. I would suggest you sit with him to ensure the initial tranch of expenses are done, shame on him for needing you to do this but I think it's a case of needs must.

If his employers have a strict 90 day cut off (mine do) then each day he delays, more expenses are falling outside of the claiming window.

whitecandles · 22/07/2015 06:39

This has to be some mad control issue. I am a terrible procrastinator but 20k????

That's mad.

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