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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect my DH to claim his expenses? RANT!

250 replies

MrsRossPoldark · 21/07/2015 21:21

So, I know what response I'm going to get here - this is a rant to get it all off my chest really!

DH has repeatedly told me that he can't get his company's expenses system to accept his expenses [they do their own as they are a consultancy and don't have their own HR dept - or payroll, or whatever] to do their expenses for them.

He is an IT consultant who specialises in project management techniques, such as how to prioritise, how to use IT effectively etc!

He works away from home M-Th every week so should in theory have loads of time to do his expenses in the evenings. He also seems to spend every spare hour at home watching storage hunters and/or complaining of headaches.

He hasn't done his expenses for months now and when I asked him to get his finger out at the weekend, told me how much he estimated he was owed in expenses - c£20K!! Shock. I have just gone through our last 6 months' bank statements [he never looks at them] - of the expenses I can identify and the salary coming in, I reckon he is actually working for half-pay, as his expenses pm equate to half his monthly income!

It's not as if I haven't tackled him about this before - several times over the last few months I have checked the bank statements and not seen any expenses being paid in. I have offered to do his expenses for him [come on, how hard can it be?] but he says it's too difficult to explain [really?] but he won't hand over his receipts [partly because he leaves them in piles all over our bookshelves, his bedside table, his study desk upstairs, in his pocket, in his car, etc etc]. AIBU to think he really is too busy just to spend an hour once a week doing his expenses instead of letting them build up like this?

When I said WTAF [can't figure out how to make the shouty text any 'louder'], he then followed up by saying that work would get him into trouble as he's late submitting [which I take to mean that after say 3 months his receipts are no longer valid and they won't pay those expenses.]

WIBU to email his workplace to ask if I can submit his expenses on his behalf - if it's that hard, maybe I should hire myself out for the other consultants too, and charge them £15ph for the privilege of having me submit their expenses. I have never heard of a company's expenses system being too hard to submit to??? I have worked as a consultant myself and worked away from home, so I know that yes, it may be tediously boring, but if you did it once a week it shouldn't take long! It's our family's income he's compromising and we are only just struggling to break even after a disastrous couple of years when he made some pretty crap decisions about our own business that left us heavily in debt. We are just clawing our way back and now he behaves like this!

Not sure I'm looking for any advice - apart from how the hell do I get him to do something - fast!!

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 22/07/2015 08:20

I'm with Mistigirl in the shamefaced expense procrastinator corner. I get shouted at about it regularly by my manager Blush

SheGotAllDaMoves · 22/07/2015 08:22

A gambler! Ha, DH wouldn't even do a scratch card Wink...

Yet he has $58k waiting to be reclaimed from the US tax office. He just needs to do the fucking paperwork!

Noctilucent · 22/07/2015 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargoReadbetter · 22/07/2015 08:29

So you can give £3000 to as many people as you want and nobody pays tax, not the giver nor the receiver? I didn't know that. Sounds a bit fishy but then claiming £39 in breakfast expenses like IDS sounds fishy to me.

Blueandwhitelover · 22/07/2015 08:29

Three possibilities-most likely,he's literally overwhelmed now with the amount of paperwork he needs to sort through
or he's had the money already and spent it
or something is going on and he's not actually where he's telling you he is and therefore not entitled to the expenses he's told you (most unlikely if he is coming home on Fridays now instead of going to the office)
I understand your frustration!

FurtherSupport · 22/07/2015 08:30

Of course Margo. Do you expect to pay tax on your birthday presents?

BrendaBlackhead · 22/07/2015 08:31

Years ago I was working at one of the ITV companies and you cannot believe the t&c and the "creative" expenses. Eg a trip to film in a gym involved the entire crew and presenter needing £100+ trainers in order to walk on the floor. And filming in a field they all had to have Hunter wellingtons. Extraordinary how not one single person had trainers or wellies already Hmm . Talk about fiddling while Rome burned.

One cameraman hadn't put in his expenses for a year so they gave him an extra three days holiday to allow him to sort them out.

DisappointedOne · 22/07/2015 08:31

So you can give £3000 to as many people as you want and nobody pays tax, not the giver nor the receiver? I didn't know that.

The tax has already been paid on it when it was earned!

Noctilucent · 22/07/2015 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargoReadbetter · 22/07/2015 08:36

Thanks for that. I didn't know. So you can transfer money between different people's accounts and call them gifts? So why is the OP's father astute then if it's perfectly ok?

I get the point the money was taxed once, I just didn't think about it.

BrendaBlackhead · 22/07/2015 08:37

I believe it's £3k altogether, not to any number of persons. It's a bit different if you are giving away money out of your income and that it does not impact on your standard of living, eg grandparents paying school fees.

FurtherSupport · 22/07/2015 08:38

We don't know what the OP's father is doing, but he can gift as much as he likes tax free now (provided he doesn't die within 7 years). If he leaves it in his estate, IHT will be payable.

BadLad · 22/07/2015 08:40

Mine are in the system at the very earliest opportunity, and my staff have three months to submit them. Your husband sounds mad to me (about money).

Niloufes · 22/07/2015 08:43

No one would not bother to claim 20K. So I am asking myself are they really his work expences? Is something else going on?

Baddz · 22/07/2015 08:44

If he is refusing to give you the receipts then he is trying to hide something, surely?
I would be very angry (about the money) and very suspicious (about his reasoning)
Sorry.

atticusclaw · 22/07/2015 08:46

His job title "IT consultant" suggests he might not be an employee but if he is then he needs to be aware that he could be disciplined over this and I have very recently disciplined someone for this very reason (I'm an employment lawyer). Companies need to know what their costs are and if he is not submitting his expenses then he is potentially causing them problems.

He might also find that they refuse to pay the expenses since many policies will say that he has to claim within a limited period of time.

Preciousbane · 22/07/2015 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaggieJoyBlunt · 22/07/2015 09:02

So you can transfer money between different people's accounts and call them gifts? So why is the OP's father astute then if it's perfectly ok?

Because any gifts, if he survives for 7 years after making them, will not be part of his estate.

FurtherSupport · 22/07/2015 09:08

We don't know if it is IHT planning though. OP said her father "pays" them, rather than gives them money. It's not unusual for family businesses to "employ" people who don't actually work there, to make use of tax allowances and that is most definitely a tax dodge.

OP I don't see how you can expect to have control over DH's finances when you insist on controlling your own yourself. Is that the point he's making?

Phineyj · 22/07/2015 09:22

OP, I feel your pain as I have similar issues. My approach is: will DH's inaction cause me significant hassle? If yes, I would sort it out myself. If not, he can bear the fallout. I also completely understand you protecting 'your' money as if you live with a financial ostrich, you are otherwise risking being unable to pay bills.

Postchildrenpregranny · 22/07/2015 09:49

The organisation I worked for had a three month cut off (its fairly usual) And at end March all claims for that current financial year had to be in
I agree make him put work expenses on a separate credit card and be responsible for paying it off every month.

ThreeFrazzledFandangos · 22/07/2015 09:56

My work insist that you submit expenses on your first day back in the office (slightly different I know as your husband is a contractor).

A colleagues husband owns his own business and I thought he was bad. He was owed 9k on their credit card and hadn't bothered submitting.

I am utterly raging on your behalf! It's making me angrier the more I think about it!

GooseberryJam · 22/07/2015 09:58

Speaking as another expenses procrastinator, I don't think he is necessarily hiding anything either. Only procrastinators will understand how uncomfortable it makes us to think about the things we're putting off, and as they get bigger, that feeling gets worse, not better. So most people think, '20k, how can you NOT get that sorted?' But a chronic procrastinator thinks 'argh, it's 20k now, the shame of dealing with it's too much! Can't face it today, maybe tomorrow..' and so it goes on.

OP, I'd get the pile of receipts down, and when he gets home tonight say 'I know it makes you feel awful to even think about this, but it MUST be done. We can't go on without this money. Find everything you can and we are sorting it out tonight'.

atticusclaw · 22/07/2015 10:13

I agree with Gooseberry completely. In all likelihood its not that he doesn't want to claim them, its that he feels embarrassed about how much they've mounted up to due to his failure to keep on top of the admin.

wowfudge · 22/07/2015 10:20

OP - you've contradicted yourself because you say he won't hand over receipts but in an earlier post you said there were piles of receipts around the house. Which is it?