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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect my DH to claim his expenses? RANT!

250 replies

MrsRossPoldark · 21/07/2015 21:21

So, I know what response I'm going to get here - this is a rant to get it all off my chest really!

DH has repeatedly told me that he can't get his company's expenses system to accept his expenses [they do their own as they are a consultancy and don't have their own HR dept - or payroll, or whatever] to do their expenses for them.

He is an IT consultant who specialises in project management techniques, such as how to prioritise, how to use IT effectively etc!

He works away from home M-Th every week so should in theory have loads of time to do his expenses in the evenings. He also seems to spend every spare hour at home watching storage hunters and/or complaining of headaches.

He hasn't done his expenses for months now and when I asked him to get his finger out at the weekend, told me how much he estimated he was owed in expenses - c£20K!! Shock. I have just gone through our last 6 months' bank statements [he never looks at them] - of the expenses I can identify and the salary coming in, I reckon he is actually working for half-pay, as his expenses pm equate to half his monthly income!

It's not as if I haven't tackled him about this before - several times over the last few months I have checked the bank statements and not seen any expenses being paid in. I have offered to do his expenses for him [come on, how hard can it be?] but he says it's too difficult to explain [really?] but he won't hand over his receipts [partly because he leaves them in piles all over our bookshelves, his bedside table, his study desk upstairs, in his pocket, in his car, etc etc]. AIBU to think he really is too busy just to spend an hour once a week doing his expenses instead of letting them build up like this?

When I said WTAF [can't figure out how to make the shouty text any 'louder'], he then followed up by saying that work would get him into trouble as he's late submitting [which I take to mean that after say 3 months his receipts are no longer valid and they won't pay those expenses.]

WIBU to email his workplace to ask if I can submit his expenses on his behalf - if it's that hard, maybe I should hire myself out for the other consultants too, and charge them £15ph for the privilege of having me submit their expenses. I have never heard of a company's expenses system being too hard to submit to??? I have worked as a consultant myself and worked away from home, so I know that yes, it may be tediously boring, but if you did it once a week it shouldn't take long! It's our family's income he's compromising and we are only just struggling to break even after a disastrous couple of years when he made some pretty crap decisions about our own business that left us heavily in debt. We are just clawing our way back and now he behaves like this!

Not sure I'm looking for any advice - apart from how the hell do I get him to do something - fast!!

OP posts:
lunalelle · 22/07/2015 06:47

I'm in the 'hiding something' camp as well, I'm afraid. Works away from home, won't hand over receipts, money missing. Red flags here.

googoodolly · 22/07/2015 07:01

It does sound like he's hiding something. I don't know anyone who wouldn't claim back 20k in expenses if they could. That's an insane amount of money and more than most families have to live on in a year.

If his spends are genuine, I hope you can get the money back, but I have a feeling that you might only be able to claim back anything from April. The last financial year has been and gone now - that might be money you have to say goodbye to thanks your DH's disgusting lack of responsibility.

MillionToOneChances · 22/07/2015 07:05

This is what you need to put in a convenient place in future. No excuses. www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B003SXLYKG?keywords=receipt%20spike&qid=1437544987&ref_=sr_1_1&s=officeproduct&sr=1-1

I would be beside myself with frustration - good luck sorting him out!!

FurtherSupport · 22/07/2015 07:14

I too think there's a fair bit among the "expenses" that he knows he can't claim for.

How long does it take him to earn £20k and how long will it really take him to sort this? Take that many hours off to sort it, if necessary.

My boss always has to set aside a day in November to sort his expenses for the whole year, but that's a deliberate policy, so that he gets a "bonus" in December.

StrawberryMojito · 22/07/2015 07:18

I don't think he's hiding anything. Some people are this crap at admin. It seems like the receipts are available to op if she wanted them, they're just all over the place.
My DH is a bit slow with expenses, nowhere near 20k though. His company have paid out on a 6 month old expense claim, not sure they were over the moon about it though.

bruffin · 22/07/2015 07:18

I heard this advertised yesterday
I used to have to process expenses and they were the bane of my life and I think the company dh worked for wouldnt allow expense claims over 3 months old.

MrsRossPoldark · 22/07/2015 07:29

I'm an administrator! I deal with papers/admin all the time! I've offered to do it for him, but he won't even hand over his receipts. He must be hiding something surely?

I work in a social services setting where we deal with vulnerable people & families at risk of eviction & serious debt issues due to some pretty heartbreaking situations so the fact that he is so irresponsible is such a contrast.

To those who think 'I'm letting this go' - I'm certainly not but I am getting more & more frustrated!

OP posts:
OllyBJolly · 22/07/2015 07:30

I'm not too great at submitting expenses so can't criticise.

I have worked with several people who were even worse so it's not always a sign of playing away. An old boss (chartered accountant) would come in with a carrier bag of receipts and get one of the admin staff to sort it for him (for which she got a box of chocs Confused ) She would call him and ask why he was in - say- Birmingham on the 23rd April and who did he have dinner with - and he'd say "look at my diary and make it up"....

One company I worked in only allowed last month's expenses and if they weren't in, with supporting evidence, you didn't get paid.

YouBastardSockBalls · 22/07/2015 07:34

Is there a chance he's already claimed and spent it?

CruCru · 22/07/2015 07:41

Gosh, that winds me up even reading about it.

BoopTheLoop · 22/07/2015 07:48

DH's work have a 3 month limit. There is no wa they would process expenses from the start of the year now.

Also, they would need a reciept for everything, so if he's lost some of them he can't claim for those things even if there is a charge on a credit card, it needs to be very clear what the charge is for.

MrsRossPoldark · 22/07/2015 07:49

YouBastardSockBalls: only if he has a bank account I don't know about?

We have a joint account, which is how I know roughly what his expenses are & what his salary is. I also know his expenses aren't in the 'credit' column!

I insisted on opening my own account when I started working 18 months ago (after being a sahm for years), and it annoys him that I don't share what's in it. Wonder why I don't share?? My parents also pay 'us' some monies every now & again (for tax reasons mainly - my Dad is very astute) but I have asked them to pay into my account so I can control what it gets spent / saved on.

OP posts:
MargoReadbetter · 22/07/2015 07:54

You should have been married to IDS. He claimed his £39 breakfast expenses promptly. As did many other MPs, as little as 20 pence for driving their car to the next road on constituency business.

BTW not impressed at secreting money away to help your dad tax dodge.

meglet · 22/07/2015 07:59

what textfan said. It sounds fishy. no one writes off that much money.

FurtherSupport · 22/07/2015 08:00

Doesn't your last post perhaps explain why he doesn't want you to know all his financial business? Can't have it both ways!

BoopTheLoop · 22/07/2015 08:05

So his money is 'family' money and your money is your money?

textfan · 22/07/2015 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mistigri · 22/07/2015 08:07

As an expense procrastinator myself I do think that the more the backlog builds up, the harder it is to actually get it all sorted out. So if you don't need the money urgently (I dont) then it can be easy to keep putting it off until it comes to a ridiculous amount of money. I just submitted expenses from the first half of this year amounting to around two grand :-/ and I frequently don't bother claiming smaller amounts just because it is too much hassle.

It would probably help if you sorted out his receipts for him and worked out what he can still claim for and what he can't, but he's going to have to actually submit the expenses himself. I would lay down some sort of ultimatum ...

textfan · 22/07/2015 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

googoodolly · 22/07/2015 08:12

I just cannot fathom NOT wanting to get 20k back! That's more than a lot of families live on in a year. How much is he earning that he doesn't miss 20 THOUSAND pounds?!

FurtherSupport · 22/07/2015 08:15

If he'd already put the claims in, the house wouldn't be littered with receipts though would it textfan?

textfan · 22/07/2015 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 22/07/2015 08:19

My DH can be slow at claiming back things, often running to over a grand before he gets sorted (if he ran it all through his uber efficient German PA, it would work better).

And let's not get started on his US tax refund...chase them DH...chase them...

BrendaBlackhead · 22/07/2015 08:19

Dh is like this. And like Mistigri, when he eventually gets round to ploughing through the receipts etc, he starts mumbling about not claiming for this, that and the other because it's too small. There are taxi receipts overflowing everywhere in the study. I don't think he's done his expenses for a year so this thread is encouraging me to have another nag!

I don't think the OP's dh is up to something or she should LTB: ages ago I posted that dh's petrol bill was huge and by the end of the thread posters were advising me that he had a secret gambling habit and was visiting a casino as well as having a mistress. In fact when I tackled dh it was because I had forgotten that he was visiting his parents in two different hospitals at that time and I hadn't realised the petrol involved was so much.

BrendaBlackhead · 22/07/2015 08:19

ha, textfan got there before me with the gambling!!