leaving the first date after one drink and getting take out to eat at home is rude

[unlucky4marie]

Just had a first date, was OK, lasted half and hour or so. He bought the first sok I offered the second, he declined. Fair enough he's obviously not interested in even being a bit friendly and had nothing else on that day got got ready to leave. But just to add insult he got a piece of cake to take away and eat at home. He was planning to eat it as soon as he got home with another drink. That's just rude right? I wanted too burst into tears after this. I'm I being too sensitive?

It's difficult to put one's finger on (or even in, if it were a particularly squidgy slice of cake). I thought it was a bit rude at first, but now I think it looks suitably casual but making it clear that the man wasn't interested. Perhaps if he had scooted off at top speed that would have been worse.

I understand that the OP is probably playing and replaying the whole scene over and over again in her head thinking she looked a plonker, but as others have said it was just a dud date and luckily not much time was wasted.

This is ridiculous. The man did nothing wrong.

Fireside, it would be clear to me at he wasn't interested, BUT he would be showing enough social nicety to give a conventional excuse which would allow me to save face. So I'd prefer that, tbh, than having him blatantly show he just wanted to be alone eating cake.

Fwiw, I don't think there's anyone wrong with him wanting to eat cake rather than be on a date. I just think it's slightly rude to show it so clearly.

If mn is anything to go by just leaving your house in the morning is a social minefield. I had no idea that such miniscule/imaginary faux pas could cause such offence. I must be upsetting people left right and centre.

Climbing out of the toilet window and doing a runner is rude.
Getting your mate to ring you and pretending there's an emergency so you can leave is a lie, but almost quite normal in internet dating, it seems.
I don't understand why being honest is so impolite. But then I can't walk past a nice cake either!

OP - I've been doing OLD for years (and had a few relationships out of it).

Yes, in the beginning you can be oversensitive - one man was texting me and joking about ;thongs' but I didn't find this hilarious - same evening he cancelled our date. one man not through OLD I met in real life we went out for dinner I asked him about his job, where he lived, did he drive and he accused me basically of only being interested in his money and drove after me home (from West End) .

You do need to develop a thicker skin but also do more dates.

the 'cake' wasn't that rude, it was his get out clause. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned it but he did, it does say slightly something a little bit off about his social skills, not big but a teeny bit off. I think you did like him or had more expectations from the date than he did.

And you get far too clenched about this subject on a Monday morning. You and Cake Man would probably get on well

LOL. What? He probably hasn't given it a second thought since he ate the cake.

I love the repeated (and failed) attempt to make Cake Man stick as a nickname.

I reckon he has mummy ishoos....his mum used to scoff loads of cake while he was at school, he would leave in the morning with her all nervy and twitchy thinking anout her next fix and then he would come back to a satiated mother, those breasts that were once his alone now covered in crumbs etc. It got so he was desperate to witness the cause of her happiness, knowing cake made her happier than he did, he spied on her, followed her to the cake shop, followed her walking home clutching her paper bag of delicious goodies, watched her carefully lay out a special bone china plate and tea cup, then was forced to carry on watching until she had devoured every last morsel (except those crumbs etc). Its pretty obvious that the online dater is needed in his fantasy to watch him sit near those lovely cakes, to help him painfully delay that first moment of gratification as he purchases the toothsome delight, then to be rejected in favour of it. Then he walks purposefully home, prepares his bone china plate and cup and carefully eats his booty in front of the emaciated mummified corpse of his mother sat propped up opposite.

Erm, I call him Cake Man because that is how I think of him. If I had been on a date with him that is what I would call him when laughing about his lack of social graces afterwards. This does not constitute any attempt to get the name to catch on with fellow posters. Where did I imply that I thought I had hit on a great nickname for us all to use?

I think *NumanoidNancy" is silly.

Nancy, if only there were a "like" button on MN! That made me giggle.

Does blousy = gay?

Apparently it means "acting like a 'big girl's blouse'." Make of that what you will.

My mother uses 'blousy' to refer to women of a certain age that she thinks are displaying a bit too much cleavage.

I'd spell it "blowsy" with that meaning, Mitzy.

NumanoidNancy. At last someone with the guts to say what we're all thinking.

Ah yes, maybe it's 'blowsy.

I always thought it was the same as "shirty" - if someone was stroppy we would always say "ooh, shirty shirty, blousey blousey"

the guts to say what we're all thinking

Not all of us by any means. Please don't generalise. If I were to comment on the strange behaviour of anyone in this scenario the man wouldn't be my choice.

I love that you seriously think the rest of us are thinking what NN wrote.

He just did not find the OP attractive FFS.

He stayed for a drink. He bought the drink. He left and took a bit of cake home.

The man should have said," I don't think this is working out. Nice to meet you and good luck". Then made an immediate and graceful exit. Instead he delayed the agony.

He didn't delay it. She did by walking with him in the wrong direction to where she was going for five minutes.