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AIBU?

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Original poster

leaving the first date after one drink and getting take out to eat at home is rude

289 replies

unlucky4marie · 19/07/2015 20:04

Just had a first date, was OK, lasted half and hour or so. He bought the first sok I offered the second, he declined. Fair enough he's obviously not interested in even being a bit friendly and had nothing else on that day got got ready to leave. But just to add insult he got a piece of cake to take away and eat at home. He was planning to eat it as soon as he got home with another drink. That's just rude right? I wanted too burst into tears after this. I'm I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
BolshierAyraStark · 19/07/2015 20:35

Grow thicker skin & realise he just did you a favour, yes it may have stung but it should have made you glad you hadn't wasted any more time on him.

DisillusionedGoat · 19/07/2015 20:35

I'm with korkycat, why pretend to be going in the same direction as him?Confused

fastdaytears · 19/07/2015 20:36

unlucky I'm sure you're looking completely awesome. I could be something so random that made him think he wouldn't have another drink. Maybe you look like a girl who broke his heart when he was 14. Maybe he doesn't like hamsters and you have one. Maybe he has some long messed up thing with his ex that he's not over. Whatever- it's not to do with you.

No one thinks it's easy to grow a thick skin, but it's essential if you want to do the online thing. It's absolutely a numbers game. I was at a wedding this weekend where the couple met online and my friend (the bride) was going on 4+ dates a week for 6 month. She was exhausted!

AuntyMag10 · 19/07/2015 20:37

It seems as though you're more upset with yourself, for walking the 5 minutes. The cake is irrelevant.

bigbumtheory · 19/07/2015 20:38

Try not to over think OP when it comes to this sort of thing. Far better he wants to leave after one drink then messes you around by saying he may or may not be interested.

I don't think it's rude, perhaps a bit bluntly insensitive but If he's not interested there's no point in a second drink. Would you want to hang around for a second if you hadn't been interested? It's just a shame when one is and one isn't.

You will get people who will say 'we aren't gelling/clicking/not interested' and be blunt, you'll get ones so indecisive you'll want to scream. You'll get cling ons and cold blowers and mind gamers...online dating is the same as normal dating except your pool is so much bigger you'll end up with more of everything. You need to take it with a pinch of salt now, when it's the right person then it will be fantastic.

TheMoa · 19/07/2015 20:40

He ordered a cake?

I probably would too, if we were somewhere that did good cake.

It's a date - it didn't work out - but not worth sacrificing good cake for! Grin

CalmYourselfTubbs · 19/07/2015 20:43

he just wasn't that into you.
its really that simple.
persevere with the OD and you will meet someone who is into you.
give it more time.

Stitchintime1 · 19/07/2015 20:45

I'm sorry you felt upset. I don't get the cake thing though. Were you upset that he cut the date short? How did the cake affect that?

Feawen · 19/07/2015 20:47

Yanbu to feel upset and a bit offended. He certainly could have been more tactful! A bad date is deflating even if you aren't that keen yourself.

However, I find that 'first dates' with people I meet online are not necessarily dates, but rather a chance to meet in person and decide if we might like to go on a date. First drinks that go well might turn into another drink, then dinner, and then it was a date after all. Sometimes, though, we just don't click in person and go our separate ways.

If it would make you feel better to take control, then send him a breezy message along the lines of 'It was great to meet you, but I didn't feel there was much spark, and I'm sure you'll agree. Happy hunting!'

derxa · 19/07/2015 20:48

Cake !! He sounds like a big girl's blouse. What a lucky escape. Your ego is dented. Dust yourself off and fight another day.

derxa · 19/07/2015 20:52

Cake This is for him!

LHReturns · 19/07/2015 20:54

I'm not the OP but I am going to guess why the cake thing got to her...

She had been looking forward to the date, and had invested energy and care into the occasion (she felt she looked good, she walked with him in the wrong direction for 5 more minutes)...she had expectations, and the cake served to underline how differently he felt about the whole event.

The cake seems to double up the rejection...not only did he not want a second drink with OP, but he also was so looking forward to getting home (on his own) that thought he might make a really special night of it with his special slice of cake. And he didn't care if OP knew that was his plan.

OF COURSE objectively there is nothing wrong with buying a piece of cake to take home, but there is certainly a subtext for someone who is already feeling a bit rejected and hurt.

OP I get it entirely, and it isn't irrelevant. But Cake Man is not for you; there is someone out there who will give up cake for life to have a second drink with you.

LHReturns · 19/07/2015 20:56

Hear hear Derxa!! There is something soooooo blousey about his cake requirements...bet he has slopey shoulders and bad shoes.

Original poster
unlucky4marie · 19/07/2015 20:59

Thanks lh :) that's exactly it. Any way I'm logging back into the site to sort out my next date, should of done that earlier. Kinda wish I know what it was as he was chasing me before we met, but guess I'll never know.

OP posts:
honeyroar · 19/07/2015 21:02

Sorry you feel stung OP. I don't think he was unreasonable though. I've been on dates that went on far too long from online dating. I've sat there thinking how the heck can I leave politely! I think it's better to be honest and leave if you can. The cake isn't much of an issue for me. It's not personal, he just wasn't the one for you. Onwards and upwards.

Stitchintime1 · 19/07/2015 21:05

He didn't fancy the OP, but he fancied a slice of cake. I get that. And fancying the cake underscored how little he fancied the OP? Is that it? Sorry, I'm not usually thick about behaviour, but this one is a puzzle. Isn't it a bit like walking round a farmer's market for a first date and deciding you'll buy some feta? Unromantic yes.

plantsitter · 19/07/2015 21:07

Did YOU like HIM? That's the mistake I made when online dating. Thinking it was a test to get people to fancy me and not asking myself what I thought. Ended in tears over really unattractive men more than once.

fastdaytears · 19/07/2015 21:09

unlucky Flowers don't waste a second on "why". It will be a properly stupid reason. All that matters are the nice men out there who would jump at the chance of a second drink with you. Focus on them not cake-boy.

ChilliAndMint · 19/07/2015 21:26

I think that you have dodged someone who in one form of another is abusive.

The act of buying cake to eat at home was most likely a deliberate act to belittle you further.

We've all had short lived dates but it's usually a case of getting out of an uncomfortable situation asap, making your apologies then making a run for the door.

ilovesooty · 19/07/2015 21:31

Most likely a deliberate act to belittle you further

It might arguably have been a bit tactless though I don't think so really, but abusive? That's a bit of a leap.

BabyFeets · 19/07/2015 21:31

I knew it would be an online date. Maybe he didn't think you looked like your pictures, this happens with online dates

MsVestibule · 19/07/2015 21:37

I did online dating a while ago (currently sitting next to my DH, one of the more successful ones). I met one guy in a pub/restaurant had one drink and left before the second saying 'lovely to meet you but there's no spark' etc. I didn't order cake, but only because I didn't think about it.

Honestly, be pissed off because he's clearly an idiot for not recognising all of your wonderful qualities, but forget about the cake. He just fancied a piece of cake.

korkycat4 · 19/07/2015 21:39

Abusive, are you kidding me? This is a stranger meeting another stranger and deciding not to take things further!

AuntyMag10 · 19/07/2015 21:41

Chilli frankly you sound nuts. Abusive reallyConfused?
Poor guy just getting a piece of cake and he's likened to being abusive.

EatShitDerek · 19/07/2015 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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