Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

leaving the first date after one drink and getting take out to eat at home is rude

289 replies

unlucky4marie · 19/07/2015 20:04

Just had a first date, was OK, lasted half and hour or so. He bought the first sok I offered the second, he declined. Fair enough he's obviously not interested in even being a bit friendly and had nothing else on that day got got ready to leave. But just to add insult he got a piece of cake to take away and eat at home. He was planning to eat it as soon as he got home with another drink. That's just rude right? I wanted too burst into tears after this. I'm I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
ChilliAndMint · 20/07/2015 10:49

It's 30 minutes out of your life..count yourself lucky.

FWIW I have just been blocked on Whatsapp by someone I have been talking to for months..he lives quite a distance away and we had planned to meet this week.

The vast majority of men I've met on OLD have been bonkers.

Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 10:50

The verdicts on this many have overstepped the boundaries of common sense.

KidLorneRoll · 20/07/2015 10:53

Two people have bad date.

Man buys cake afterwards and makes the criminal mistake of doing it front of the person he didn't connect with.

For that, the MN crazies label him as abusive(!), rude, "blousy" and a sociopath. Get a fucking grip.

Poor bloke. I hope the next person he meets is a bit more easy going and less prone to blurting out every little petty experience on the internet.

TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot · 20/07/2015 11:06

I don't think it was rude of him to buy cake on the way home.

It sounds like you thought the date wasn't over because you were going out of your way to walk with him, but from his point of view it was over, you were both going to your separate homes and the only reason you were still together was because you just happened to be going in the same direction.

It doesn't look like he was deliberately trying to make you feel bad. It just sounds like the date didn't work out, and then he wanted cake.

StarlingMurmuration · 20/07/2015 11:25

Ok, so now I think he could have been more subtle/nicer. If I'd been in his situation, I'd have told you I had an emergency/somewhere else I had to be, and foregone the cake, even if it were my favourite cake from my favourite coffee shop, because I wouldn't have wanted to hurt your feelings. Do unto others etc. I'd have been sad on the inside about the cake, though.

Did you like him, OP? Would you have been less hurt if you'd thought he wasn't your type too?

firesidechat · 20/07/2015 11:29

Why is saying he had an emergency/somewhere else to be better than leaving after one drink and buying cake? The emergency phone call is the biggest first date cliche on the planet. I would be much more insulted if someone tried that one on me.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 20/07/2015 11:38

Man buys cake shocker!

The only worrying thing about all this is pretending to live his way to spend some extra time with him.

Draw a line and move on.

HoldYerWhist · 20/07/2015 11:39

In fairness to this poor man, they arranged to meet for a coffee and he met her and had the coffee. He did enough.

Saying a polite goodbye and going about his business in not rude or socially unacceptable.

If OP chose to then aimlessly follow him for five minutes, that's her lookout but he shouldn't have to adjust his perfectly reasonable behaviour because OP couldn't or wouldn't let it go!

LHReturns · 20/07/2015 11:55

OP I think some of the posters on here would quite like Cake Man's number...

For me still a very girl's blousey thing to do in front of you in the same shop where you met (not when he was going about his business after you had left). I'm sure you did have too much invested in this date but he is still The Cake Man!

I am honoured to be a MN Crazy...

Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 11:57

Why the fuck is so bad about buying cake?

Rebecca2014 · 20/07/2015 11:59

Okay I been on 8 first dates so can give you a bit of advice...you need get a thicker skin, not everyone going find you attractive.

I met one of my dates, I could tell he was not attracted to me. He was the only guy to not buy me a drink and the next hour was a strain.

I have sworn off dating now for a few months as I was getting disheartened by it but welcome to the world of dating, not everyone going like you but there be many who do.

HoldYerWhist · 20/07/2015 12:02

For me still a very girl's blousey thing to do

That doesn't make you a 'MN Crazy'.

It just makes you a bit of a gobshite.

firesidechat · 20/07/2015 12:03

I don't like a man because he likes cake. I would like/not like someone for many reasons and in spite of their liking/not liking cake. It's such a weird thing to have as a benchmark of masculinity or as a deal breaker.

LHReturns · 20/07/2015 12:05

Very likely! Although I would never use such a naff word. Someone else up thread said this was MN Crazy which I quite liked.

And you get far too clenched about this subject on a Monday morning. You and Cake Man would probably get on well.

WayneRooneysHair · 20/07/2015 12:06

The poor bloke has done nothing wrong, why is he being called an abuser or a girls blouse etc?

LHReturns · 20/07/2015 12:09

So let's be comfortable expecting different things from men! I said many times that is wasn't about liking cake or not, but about the manner in which he felt the need to purchase it in front of her.

In our support for OP when we weren't all tearing her to shreds we agreed that not everyone is going to like OP. So equally we all are allowed to fancy men - or not - for different reasons. I am sure Cake Man would not like me either and that is utterly fine.

SorchaN · 20/07/2015 12:10

I'm not sure it's a question of developing thicker skin - dating, like the rest of life, can involve dealing with rude people. I'd expect the same standards of politeness at a first date as elsewhere, and if I thought someone was rude I'd go right off them. I do think the cake thing was a bit insensitive - and I wouldn't want to date someone insensitive.

But I do think it's a mistake to focus on whether the other person likes you. I think it's much better to think about whether you like them. If it turns out you like them but they don't like you, then that's a reason to reassess your liking for them. Because if someone doesn't like you it doesn't mean you're unattractive or boring - it just means that they're looking for something different (and possibly they have very unrealistic expectations).

If he wasn't that into you, it's his loss, not yours.

MitzyLeFrouf · 20/07/2015 12:10

I once dumped someone when I found a Westlife CD in their flat.

firesidechat · 20/07/2015 12:14

It's fine to say you can't fancy a man who buys cake, although I can't understand it myself, but it does not make him less of a man. Just like the fact that I love rare steak doesn't make me butch.

HoldYerWhist · 20/07/2015 12:21

Naff word? You realise you just used the word naff? Grin

It's fine not to fancy him. It's not fine to use misogynistic terms. I can't make it any simpler than that.

Oh and you should probably stop trying to make 'Cake Man' happen. You're embarrassing yourself, dear.

LHReturns · 20/07/2015 12:27

Gobshite is a very naff (and offensive) word that categorises you immediately (bit like girl's blouse apparently). But thank you for talking in such simple terms. The embarrassment is really getting to me - will definitely make me stop.

Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 12:28

Why is it insensitive to buy cake in this situation?

HoldYerWhist · 20/07/2015 12:30

Glad to help.

And I will refrain from calling you a gobshite in the future. As soon as you stop acting like one :)

MitzyLeFrouf · 20/07/2015 12:31

Forget cake, if there were cream pies available you'd be flinging them at each other!

ilovesooty · 20/07/2015 12:33

Personally I think the man on question here had the lucky escape.

Swipe left for the next trending thread