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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

leaving the first date after one drink and getting take out to eat at home is rude

289 replies

unlucky4marie · 19/07/2015 20:04

Just had a first date, was OK, lasted half and hour or so. He bought the first sok I offered the second, he declined. Fair enough he's obviously not interested in even being a bit friendly and had nothing else on that day got got ready to leave. But just to add insult he got a piece of cake to take away and eat at home. He was planning to eat it as soon as he got home with another drink. That's just rude right? I wanted too burst into tears after this. I'm I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 07:12

More likely he wanted to get off home and fancied a bit of cake. No intention of insulting or abusing the op. Just wanted to take off.

BalloonSlayer · 20/07/2015 07:17

Are rock buns "manly cake then"

< Imagines two rock buns and a spotted dick arranged on a cake stand in the time-honoured fashion >

Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 07:19

Or an éclair and two profiteroles arranged just so.

Ruledbycatsandkids6 · 20/07/2015 07:20

To be honest i would always pick cake over a shag.

Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 07:21

Someone mentioned Private Eye. You could do one of their menus. A manly tea party.

Earl Grey tea

Original poster
unlucky4marie · 20/07/2015 07:21

Wow this is a polarising topic. I wonder if the people that think its fine are ones with little dating experience? Some of my friends are useless at advising as they haven't dated for decades!

Annoylighly enough I just signed up to a new site, and cake man was one of the first I saw on this new site. There really isn't many single people out there!

OP posts:
Original poster
unlucky4marie · 20/07/2015 07:23

Confused at the pp who called this lighthearted!

Its no fun being constantly rejected when your feeling down!

OP posts:
patienceisvirtuous · 20/07/2015 07:23

I think he was rude. He decided to cut the date short and made it clear for no other reason than to get home and stuff cake in his gob.

I think you had a lucky escape OP. Takeaway cake ffs.

Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 07:24

Was it cut short though? How long should a meeting be?

Enchufla · 20/07/2015 07:38

Did he buy the cake during the 5 minutes you were walking with him in the wro g direction? Maybe it was a hint to make you shove off

Also interesting on this thread that people who do online dating do so because theyre socially inadequate and that a man eating cake is girly.

Yy to ficking parallel universe

Trills · 20/07/2015 07:38

I wonder if the people that think its fine are ones with little dating experience?

Nope.

I suspect the ones who think you should get over it and move on are those who DO have dating experience.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 20/07/2015 07:51

I think he was rude. He decided to cut the date short and made it clear for no other reason than to get home and stuff cake in his gob.

Confused. Eh. He decided to cut the date short because he didn't click with the OP. He is quite entitled to do that

Imagine the outcry if women were told that they had to stay at a date as long as the man mandated and pretend that they fancied said man and put up with the man following them down the street for 5 minutes after they had left

There would be a total uproar!

This is a person, not a cypher to the OP's self-esteem

stardusty5 · 20/07/2015 08:02

Do your friends know that you are dating? Getting together with someone to talk about the date always made me see the funny side, and it can be really funny sometimes!

Spend today focusing on everything you DIDN'T like about him. And there will have been things... Other than his manners! Then, get yourself back online and write to at least three people. Don't only go for those who seem "perfect". People might surprise you, or if not, being the one to say "sorry but no thanks" can help you put it in perspective and see that just because you don't want to take it any further doesn't mean that you dislike or think badly of the other person.

Gabilan · 20/07/2015 08:04

"To be honest i would always pick cake over a shag."

Ah now that rather depends on the cake and the shag. Good shagging trumps bad cake, and vice versa. But I think I'd pick good shags over good cakes. Finding a man who really knows what he's doing is rare. Cake on the other hand, I can make a lush chocolate orange cheesecake all on my own.

ilovesooty · 20/07/2015 08:06

I don't see why he had to stay for some kind of minimum arbitrary time if it wasn't working out for him.

It is of course possible that he felt the OP came over as rather needy and this informed his decision to cut the date short - as we weren't there we don't know for certain.

FirenzeRoma · 20/07/2015 08:09

Come and join us on the online dating thread, OP, lots of tea and sympathy there.

BrendaBlackhead · 20/07/2015 08:11

It was a fairly brusque brush-off but there've been worse. My (male) friend met an online date in a pub car park before going in pub and straightaway the date said she'd remembered she had something to do. My friend was left standing in the car park looking like a lemon. And the oldest trick in the book is pretending you've had a text or phone call or even pre-arranging for a friend to call you in order to give you a get-out if the date is not going well.

Gabilan · 20/07/2015 08:11

It was fine for him to cut the date short, buy cake and leave.

He could have been more considerate and done it more politely. Although buying cake probably beats going to the loo and not coming back.

The OP is quite reasonably upset. Online dating is not that much fun. She was VU to follow him down the street. Although less problematic for men, they do have to consider their safety when OD and that would have bothered me.

pearpotter · 20/07/2015 08:13

I find his behaviour is quite commendable. You both know where you stand and it doesn't waste anyone's time. I'd much rather have been at home with cake than be on some dates.

ScoutRifle · 20/07/2015 08:18

I wouldn't want to waste time and money on a date if I knew it wasn't going anywhere. Rude or not it's just pointless.

Original poster
unlucky4marie · 20/07/2015 08:24

Ooh where's the online dating thread?
Think I could do with that.

Thankfully I didn't waste any money on that date, thought for a second I should offer to buy his take away but thank god I didn't. I went for a hike afterwards and got some exercise while he sat and ate cake, ageing his already past its best. I'm not bitter honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
unlucky4marie · 20/07/2015 08:26

She was VU to follow him down the street.

I didn't follow him, I did actually want to walk that way for something else. I realised seconds after saying I'm going this way too that it was a bad idea. But I didn't make a total tit of myself by msging or anything after the date. Deleted and blocked.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 20/07/2015 08:27

OK, marie, sorry I got it wrong.

BadLad · 20/07/2015 08:33

Come and join us on the online dating thread, OP, lots of tea and sympathy there.

Any cake?

nooka · 20/07/2015 08:34

I don't get the juxtaposition of the drink and the cake - I can imagine getting cake at a coffee place, but then I wouldn't have more than one coffee, and to me a 'drink' tends to be alcoholic, so not at somewhere that sells cake.

If the date was at a bar or pub, only lasted half an hour, the chap went to leave and then bought cake while the OP was following him (after leaving the drinking establishment) then I really can't see the problem. Actually I can't really see the problem even if the cake was bought in the drinking establishment, but it would I guess be a bit blase.

Not liking the mysogenistic view of cake eating (my dh likes cake way more than I do and he is a 6'5" bearded ex bodybuilder, so quite high on the macho scale as far as these things go)