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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

leaving the first date after one drink and getting take out to eat at home is rude

289 replies

unlucky4marie · 19/07/2015 20:04

Just had a first date, was OK, lasted half and hour or so. He bought the first sok I offered the second, he declined. Fair enough he's obviously not interested in even being a bit friendly and had nothing else on that day got got ready to leave. But just to add insult he got a piece of cake to take away and eat at home. He was planning to eat it as soon as he got home with another drink. That's just rude right? I wanted too burst into tears after this. I'm I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
Original poster
unlucky4marie · 20/07/2015 08:35

I know when he stopped to buy cake for home I should of just said bye then,rather than waiting like a fool. Oh well small improvements. Its kinda nice knowing exactly where I stand, not everyone can like me.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 20/07/2015 08:38

"not everyone can like me"

And you won't like everyone Smile

BrendaBlackhead · 20/07/2015 08:40

Gosh, MN sometimes...

A bad date and the OP gets labelled as a barmy stalker and the (admittedly insensitive) bloke potentially has ASD and is definitely "unmanly" for daring to eat a piece of cake.

The man could have been more polite and the OP could have read his lack of interest a bit better. They both live to fight another dating day.

StarlingMurmuration · 20/07/2015 08:43

So you had a drink together, then he said he had to go, then you said you were going in the same direction and walked with him, then he popped into another shop to buy cake while you waited? Is that right?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 20/07/2015 08:48

If you do online dating for any length of time you soon become quite ruthless. As someone else said it is a numbers game, if you don?t click with someone, move on and don?t dwell on what could have been or start being overly critical, get out there and set up another date.

I must have been on 50+ dates before I found my wife, it can be brutal at times but I would much rather someone told me upfront that they were not interested in me rather than sit there for a whole evening pretending everything is fine. You don?t have to be rude about it but I ended quite a few dates when things were clearly not happening and conversely I have had the same done to me. Prefer that kind of honesty to be frank rather than the ?oh yes lets do this again and not mean it? school of thought.

EastMidsMummy · 20/07/2015 09:02

LTB.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 20/07/2015 09:07

LTB?

Leave the Banoffee Pie?

Leave the Banana Cake?

Leave the Battenburg cake?

Leave the Black Forest Cake?

Leave the Brownie?

Leave the Buccellato cake?

Leave the Butterfly Cake?

hibbledibble · 20/07/2015 09:09

Tbh I can't see the issue here. You met for a drink, you both had a drink. Clearly he's not that into you. I think online dating probably isn't for you if this upsets you.

I have heard from a male friend who frequents online dating that he usually arranges to meet for a drink, then say he may have plans later in case an excuse is needed on the date. If they click then dinner happens, if not then they go separate ways.

Janette123 · 20/07/2015 09:18

unlucky4marie,
If you do OLD you'll get your fair share of nut-jobs.

Just put this down to experience and move on.

And - if you'r not happy/feel uncomfortable on any date give yourself permission to leave - it's not rude it's just common sense.

Original poster
unlucky4marie · 20/07/2015 09:21

Thing is he wasn't a but job, perfectly pleasant but he didn't have to stick the knife in to say he'd rather sit at home alone with a cake than spend any more time with me.

Meeting to 30 mins ands rushing a coffee is fine, but I'd prefer a few white lies rather than being totally obvious you want to get away from someone asap.

OP posts:
Original poster
unlucky4marie · 20/07/2015 09:22

If he had of done a runner I'd feel better as at least I know he's an unpleasant person.

OP posts:
HoldYerWhist · 20/07/2015 09:24

Hang on a second. This was a coffee in the day time?

30 minutes is fine for a coffee!

And you waited while he bought his cake, having already said your goodbyes? But you decided to walk the same way??

Jesus wept.

nooka · 20/07/2015 09:28

Ah, so the OP is sad because he didn't sit and eat his cake with her, which obviously he could have done if he had been enjoying her company. I can understand that. I still don't think it was very bad behaviour on his part, getting a slice of cake to take away.

Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 09:49

Madness. It's all mad. It was a brief sparkless meeting. He bought a slice of cake. That's all. It's ridiculous to be upset by his buying cake. Or did you mean coke?

Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 09:51

Did you like him? Quite a bit? Is that the subtext here?

StarlingMurmuration · 20/07/2015 09:57

I can't decide whether or not he was being a bit rude and thoughtless until I know the exact timeline. If he actually bought the cake in the coffee shop and told OP that he was going home to enjoy it by himself, that was tactless and a bit hurtful. If he did it on the way home, he was probably trying desperately to shake the OP off.

StarlingMurmuration · 20/07/2015 09:59

Maybe he's on dadsnet even now saying, "I had to run into the nearest shop to get rid of her! I pretended I wanted cake, ffs! It was the first thing that popped into my head, I thought she was going to walk all the way home with me otherwise!"

Original poster
unlucky4marie · 20/07/2015 09:59

This is reminding me of people who say they "are real, and say what they think", that usually means a sociopath who says and does exactly what they want to without caring how it affects other people.

No the cake was from the same place, its probably just me - the first time ever that a quick drink has been just a quick drink.

OP posts:
hibbledibble · 20/07/2015 10:21

the first time ever that a quick drink has been just a quick drink

Again, I don't think you are cut out for online dating. If you get so upset by rejection it really isn't for you.

Look at this the positive way, you clearly weren't compatible, and didn't have to waste more than half an hour finding out.

Unless you are able to grow a thicker skin, and accept that a lot of the time, a drink will just be a drink, then I suggest you stay away from online dating.

Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 10:28

I think you might be reading too much into it. He didn't say he'd rather sit at home with a cake and talk to you. That is your interpretation. The date didn't sparkle and he fancied cake. Neither actually have much to do with you. Perfectly nice people can not be our types.

Stitchintime1 · 20/07/2015 10:30

cake THAN talk to you. Sorry. Maybe you should have an OLD binge. Just set up loads of conversations and meetings.

Groovee · 20/07/2015 10:31

Think you had a lucky escape!

firesidechat · 20/07/2015 10:33

If the tales of online dating on here are anything to go by then I think other posters are right, online dating probably isn't for you op. Some of the behaviour described in relationships has gone way beyond rude and strayed right into plain nasty.

The reason I'm possibly not seeing anything wrong with what this man did, is that I would much rather know where I stand as soon as possible. Much better to waste 30 minutes and a cup of coffee than get strung along for weeks by someone who will get your hopes up and drop you later with a vile text or by simply ignoring.

I'm also a bit surprised that you followed him home or walked with him, going out of your way in the process and couldn't read the obvious signs that he wasn't interested.

firesidechat · 20/07/2015 10:37

It's also telling that none of your posts say what you thought of him. Was he nice, chatty, your type, did you like him?

HoldYerWhist · 20/07/2015 10:41

This is reminding me of people who say they "are real, and say what they think", that usually means a sociopath who says and does exactly what they want to without caring how it affects other people

Wtaf?

He's a sociopath?

Because he was in a coffee shop, where you met for a coffee, had the coffee you met for and bought something from the same shop to take home...

Just, what??