leaving the first date after one drink and getting take out to eat at home is rude

[unlucky4marie]

Just had a first date, was OK, lasted half and hour or so. He bought the first sok I offered the second, he declined. Fair enough he's obviously not interested in even being a bit friendly and had nothing else on that day got got ready to leave. But just to add insult he got a piece of cake to take away and eat at home. He was planning to eat it as soon as he got home with another drink. That's just rude right? I wanted too burst into tears after this. I'm I being too sensitive?

He was being rude.

I think most ( sane) people get quite excited about meeting someone for the first time and understandably feel disappointed when their date is not how they imagined they would be in terms of looks, character and so forth.
When dates don't click there is usually a terrible awkwardness for both parties.

This bloke seriously lacked empathy if nothing else.
.

Unlucky, you will never know and even if you did the thing that made him uninterested could well be something the right person loves about you. He wasn't right for you for whatever reason, move in to the next and have fun.

Only on MN would wanting some cake be 'blousy'? wtf? and, I'm sorry, abusive??

You met, he didn't feel anything, he said his goodbyes, admitted the heinous crime of wanting cake and went about his business.

I'm sure you're lovely but your hang ups aren't his problem, harsh as that sounds.

Also; I was heading off in the other direction to him but pretended I was going his way to get 5 more mins with him

What??? After one drink?! Why??

The problem with OL dating is that you can sometimes feel as if you are already romantically invested in the person you are exchanging messages with...a sort of textual frisson.

I recommend binge dating. It's not for everyone but I found it kept things fun for me as I have a tendency to take things seriously quickly and can end up spending more time with someone unsuitable, sometimes out of misplaced/unwanted kindness. Binge dating, having multiple first dates lined up in the week, kept things light for me, helped me keep perspective. I met a lot of guys from different life styles and still treasure the conversations, and some of the weirder stuff, like your date buying cake, became things to laugh about. You won't be dating him again. Rather than this being a story about him not being into you and being rude can it be a "let me tell you the oddest ending to a date i've had!"story!?

Wanting cake is not blousy. Wanting it so much that you need to get it in front of your unsuccessful first date, and make clear you are going to gobble it up back at home is blousy (and bad manners...and if you are rejecting someone who seems to be more interested than you, then good manners are not a lot to ask).

He was either being blousy or being deliberately offhand with OP. The former is giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Agreed TheHappinessTrap. Or speed dating!

Sounds like a lucky escape. Better luck with the next one.

What does blousy mean, exactly?

I think you're being oversensitive. The cake thing is neither here nor there and certainly not an indication of an abusive (!) personality. But it sounds as though he was rude in the way he rebuffed your offer of a second drink.

I bet he's been in the online dating world a lot longer to you and has become a bit battle weary and desensitised. Try not to take it personally (easier said than done I know) but it's all about the spark, if there's no chemistry there's no point dragging it out.

A friend of mine does a lot of OD and tells all first dates she can only meet for an hour that way there aren't any hurt feelings if she takes her leave.

Forget this guy and on to the next!

The act of buying cake to eat at home was most likely a deliberate act to belittle you further.

I really don't think male brains work like that... If he had wanted to belittle you it would have been far less subtle! He was a little insensitive, no more, and as for abusive.... If that behaviour counts as abusive, there's probably not an unabusive man out there!

My advice is to keep at it... You'll soon be brushing off things like that as nothing.

Sorry, I meant 'belittle the Op'

" I once dated someone for two years and I wish I'd declined a second drink from them"

Oh yes. A year with someone. Made very bad decisions when I was with him. If I could go back in time and not have that second drink, I would. I can't though, so onwards and upwards.

Holdyerwhist, in this thread it was used as in 'big girl's blouse' which means wimpy, and in particular other men would likely laugh at him 'what, you got CAKE??!! You big girl's blouse!!!!'. I abbreviated it to blousy, as that word always makes me laugh when used to describe an ineffectual man (carrying his little bag of cake home).

It's parallel universe time on mn.

Men don't eat cake and if they do they are a big girl's blouse.

A man who orders cake to take home and eat is abusive.

Really? Really? I honestly don't see what he did wrong. He met the op for a blind date, it didn't go well, he decided to call it a day (wasn't abusive or nasty) and ordered some cake to eat at home in peace and quiet. I might do the same if I had a not so great date. Cake makes everything better.

What a dork. I imagine him eating his yummy cake with an open mouth and a self-satisfied facial expression, like Malcolm McDowell at the end of a Clockwork Orange. Did he also open a bag of gummy bears and stuff his face, refusing to share? You've made a lucky escape, OP! He's a childish ass. You don't buy yourself a bloody treat at the end of a bad date and declare that you're going home to have another drink. I'm surprised that so many here don't see how disrespectful that is.

FFS - how on earth can this man be deemed to be "abusive"?! . It's bonkers labelling like that that completely undermines all the really important work being done about this.

Next thing, OP will be being told to call WA.

We've all had short lived dates but it's usually a case of getting out of an uncomfortable situation asap, making your apologies then making a run for the door.

Er. He did. With his cake.

It wasn't abusive it was just ridiculous.

RoboticSealpup you are hilarious!!! I am sniggering away here (although might need to go to downstairs and find some cake soon).

I've sometimes ordered a takeaway cake after meeting friends for a coffee. It's not a reflection on whether I had or good time or how much I value them. It's for all sorts of reasons unconnected to disrespect or twatishness.

Why ridiculous? I know real men don't eat quiche. Don't they eat cake either?

"The act of buying cake to eat at home was most likely a deliberate act to belittle you further"

Or he was hungry and they were somewhere that sold good cake. And with all this talk of cake, I'd like some.

And really, is the act of buying cake now gendered? Male, female, macho or not, if you want cake, buy it.

Ah, ok so it's girly to eat cake. And being 'girly' is just about the worst thing ever, right?

Thanks for explaining.

This thread is turning into a Private Eye spoof.