leaving the first date after one drink and getting take out to eat at home is rude

[unlucky4marie]

Just had a first date, was OK, lasted half and hour or so. He bought the first sok I offered the second, he declined. Fair enough he's obviously not interested in even being a bit friendly and had nothing else on that day got got ready to leave. But just to add insult he got a piece of cake to take away and eat at home. He was planning to eat it as soon as he got home with another drink. That's just rude right? I wanted too burst into tears after this. I'm I being too sensitive?

Oh for gods sake, no one said anything about buying cake being gendered! This is just a fun topic, let's keep it that way. If a woman bought cake at the end of a bad first date - right in front of the guy who was clearly interested in her - and said she was taking it home to have alone with a drink, I would equally say what bad manners that was, and come up with a female equivalent of big girl's blouse. In this instance it happened to be the man that, in my opinion, behaved well below par. At a minimum wait until OP has departed and then sneak back for your special cake.

I get it OP. It's the way it makes going home and eating cake there more enjoyable than sticking around for another drink with you. It at least would soothe the ego a bit if he ended the date early but didn't appear to be putting energy into time on his own instead. He could have got cake from somewhere else on his way home! Hope the next date you have is better.

Where is this place that does take away cake? Is it a London thing?

Asking for a friend....

The op didn't sound very lighthearted. Quite the opposite in fact.

Err, I don't really want potential dates / boyfriends to be girly, no. Quite like a tough guy myself. Describing him as girly was one way to point out to OP that she hadn't missed out on anything.

"If a woman bought cake at the end of a bad first date - right in front of the guy who was clearly interested in her - and said she was taking it home to have alone with a drink, I would equally say what bad manners that was, and come up with a female equivalent of big girl's blouse"

And the female equivalent of big girl's blouse is what? If you think "big girl's blouse" is gender neutral, then I think we have a problem.

Ah, so you want a big, tough macho man who chews on raw steak and would never give the time of day to a slice of victoria sandwich. Now I get it. No gender stereotyping here then.

I bet Daniel Craig can eat cake and look sexy. Just saying, like.

He wanted another drink. He wanted the cake they sell on the premises. But he didn't want to stay and have them in the OP's company. It's the opposite of letting the other person save face a little, by saying something like: "I better get going, I have a thing tomorrow" even though you do not, in fact, have a thing tomorrow.

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I feel a bit sorry for him.

He turned down the offer of a second drink, which was the cue to leave him alone.

It was rude to keep on pressuring him.

Daniel Craig would do FINE!! Ok, ok, I accept I like a traditional macho man..can't help it, sorry!

If a woman did the cake thing on a date I'm thinking I might call her a big girl's blouse too, as I find it a very odd and fluffy thing to do while still actually with the date in question.

My position is simply that I believe he showed poor manners; other posters have posted why more elegantly than me. If a friend of mine described that situation to me I would immediately snort with derision and say how girly to buy cake at end of a bad date, as I would hope this would mAke her feel better. That's all. In essence I believe his manners were poor, but accept opinions about manners differ a great deal.

I am now eating a piece of cake in bed....

Ah, thank you Mitzy. OP, did your date look like that? If so I can understand your disappointment that he turned down a second drink.

He was a bit inconsiderate, you're better off without him.

You followed him for five minutes instead of just letting the poor man go and have his cake! That's not his fault!

The term 'big girl's blouse' is offensive misogyny and there is no female equivalent to my knowledge.

*She followed.

Forget the cake, I want to eat Mr Craig!

She followed him and is upset over someone she met for half an hour ??? Yup, someone had a lucky escape...and cake

I don't think buying a cake to eat at home is " girly",

The reason he is probably using online dating is because he is unable to meet people in RL due to his social inadequacies.

Part of his allure might have been his quirkiness and the reason why OP was drawn to him OL.

His lack of social graces could also mean he has AS .

Whatever..it was a very odd thing to do.

This sort of irrelevant date will no doubt happen again, and again, and again. You will need to suck it up. Message as much as you like but you won't have a clue what they're like until you meet them.

And yes, they will tend to look like their most unflattering photo.

Compared to some men, he was quite gentlemanly, he actually paid for a drink, and you didn't. Result.

Perhaps you are a bit sensitive for online dating, what site are you on?

His lack of social graces could also mean he has AS

Wow, you're on fire on this thread. He's abusive or has SN? Because he bought some cake?

Of course he doesn't have SN.

The poor man was trying to get out of a date. He did the normal polite thing, and the OP ignored it.

Perhaps it was very manly cake. Rock buns maybe.