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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To let DS aged 16 go away for 3 nights with 7 of his friends?

156 replies

Georgethesecond · 18/07/2015 17:19

He wants to get the train to a city in the UK that is far from ours. Maybe three hours drive. It is a mixed group of girls and boys and they have all finished their GCSEs this summer. They will stay in a flat owned by the parents of one of the kids, and the mum will stay with friends nearby - so she will be in the same city but not on the same premises. I don't know exactly how far away she will be, basically she cannot supervise them but she can bail them out if she is called to do so. I don't know her and have only met her once. She will drive half the kids down there, the others will get the train and the travel costs will apparently be shared equally among the kids. (I expect she will pay for the petrol!) DS has enough in his bank account to cover the train and also his food and so on.

None of them has fake ID and I do not think they stand any chance of buying alcohol. Obviously this does not mean that they won't take any with them. I won't give DS any to take. I don't think any of them has ever taken drugs or has any interest in them. I know I can't know this for sure. They are all conscientious high achievers heading for university. They do drink alcohol but obviously are inexperienced as they are so young. I have spoken to DS about drinking, about what too much alcohol looks like, about what to do if someone drinks too much and how you can tell that they have.

DS is talking to me about it and understands that he needs to have a proper plan and why I might have reservations about the trip. He has researched the train fares and I think he would keep in touch by text if he went. He is reasonably practical and used to getting trains around our local area. He is a sensible boy who has never given me cause to doubt him and has never lied to me to my knowledge.

I am leaning towards letting him go. Am I mad? What do I need to talk to him about if I do let him go?

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 22/07/2015 23:11

I don't see why you wouldn't believe him. My DS didn't drink anything alcoholic at 16 yrs - he didn't like the taste. He still wasn't drinking alcohol at 18 yrs for the same reason. He started to drink a bit at university but never very much. He isn't alone in this.

nooka · 23/07/2015 02:04

My children both like a can or two of beer/cider but are quite wary of getting drunk. They have friends that don't have a good relationship with alcohol who woudl get drunk and friends that hardly drink at all. Not all teens go on benders the instant the adults take their eyes off them.

Georgethesecond · 21/08/2015 16:39

Just thought I would update this, as I found the whole thread really helpful.

He went on the trip, he kept in touch by text, he phoned twice and sounded really happy both times, he came back in one piece. There were no problems with the flat (or the neighbours) and he generally seemed to have a lovely time. So all good! Thanks everyone.

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YUDOTHIS · 21/08/2015 17:36

You do realize he can legally move out...?

boobyooby · 21/08/2015 17:56

Glad it all worked out George. My DS is the same age so I've got all this exciting stuff to look forward too, no doubt very soon (he's already started murmurings about a holiday with friends next year, eeeek!)

Georgethesecond · 21/08/2015 21:23

He may legally be able to move out, yudo, but he has no job, no accommodation and is too young to sign a tenancy agreement. Minimum wage at his age is too low to live upon. So I rather think that is academic.

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