Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

[Deeperdown]

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

Look I would just ignore. State that you are doing x and y, take the dcs there and then let them get on with it.
She can chose to join in and have fun. Or she can chose to stay on the bench and wait.
Of she complains, tell her this is her choice and that's it. And then ignore.
I would also take photos if her having fun and look at said photos (in the middle of all the others!) with her at the end if the day.

She knew what the holiday would be like, but she is trying hard to stir it to what she would like to do (and knowing there is so much money available to spend probably doesn't help tbh).

Just a thought. Does the friend have SEN too? Only asking because my child very often refuses to participate in things because they are 'boring' but really it is because she is scared to try them because it is new/she probably wont be very good at them. If I am able to coerce, they normally end up having a great time.

I so feel for you. I would be texting mum and saying "your DD is clearly miserable and unhappy despite all our best efforts (list a few things) and she is ruining our precious holiday for everyone. Please make arrangements for her to be collected ASAP for her sake and let me know who'll be picking her up and at what time so I can tell her and hopefully this will cheer her up a bit"

Puts the ball in her court!

I'd also give her the £300, point her in the direction of the arcades and say "have fun!!!"

And to add to the 'traveling alone' debate, my cousin's son who is 14 was due to come and see us from London on a direct bus last autumn/winter. The bus company realised he was 14 and said "U16s can't travel alone" (my cousin, who is skint and couldn't afford her fare to us and back, hoiked him off the bus and put him on the next one with no mention of age). So it's possibly up to the individual travel company (I think this was Stagecoach, but might not have been).
My cousin's son is VERY dozy and has missed his stop (it was the terminus!) twice. TWICE!!!! And he's 14. I would not put this responsibility on a 12 yr old unless they were VERY savvy.

It will be up to the individual travel company, and probably based on them avoiding extra work or hassle as much as anything. But there is nothing in Stagecoaches terms and conditions about this. And indeed they say drivers are obliged to transport under 16s who do not have enough money for the fare, as long as they give their name and address.

OP any update here?

I know this is a get out clause but remember this girl is 12 and in 'tween' mode.

Neighbour's DD, 11 and a half 12 in November, came round the other day, locked out with her mum, I brought out various puppets (bull, Prince Charming etc) and cries of 'eww' were heard yet she loved my cat's white Rattus (Ikea white plush rat) and wanted it... . She managed to devour most of a packet of Digestive Biscuits... and when she was asked about 'her' (her DB is on autistic spectrum and gets a lot of attention) she was quite [shocked] to be asked. This girl is typical sulky/a bit precocious for her age but I just tease her or leave her be...

No way would I allow coach to transport just in case something happened perhaps I'm too kind

I think tbh now I would just divy her money up for the days left and send her off to the arcade each day with instructions on what to do when it runs out and go and do activities with my lot. She goes alone without company she might change her tune at some point if she's not made to do anything.

gamer I think I would suggest at start of the day activities. If sulking or stroppiness then send her to the arcade but at least give her/the child a choice of what to do. if she messes up then arcade it is.

I occasionally when my DM's friend looked after us when DP went on holiday was a bit petulant (8 or so) not stroppy as such but sometimes had to be cajoled into doing stuff (making cupcakes) - as soon as I did it, or went to adventure playground for the day with other kids and DM's friend I was absolutely fine. some kids are like this and need chivvying along and some also do this behaviour for attention.

I have been on trains that have developed a fault and had to wait hours in a station for another train to come. Sending her cross country alone on a train is completely different to travelling to school!
What if she decided to get off midway with her £300 to spite you.? She could survive a few days with that and in the meantime you would be frantic and being questioned in a police station .

How are things today OP?

I do feel a bit sorry for this child. Imagine being so unpleasant at 12. I fear the world is not going to be her oyster due to the terrible socialization she has had.

I remember going with a friend and her parents on a similar sounding holiday at thirteen.

To be brutally honest, all we wanted to do was hang around the rather crappy play park eyeing up lads and knock about onsite. The idea of going to evening entertainment with the parents would have been mortifying.

I know my friends dad and step mum were very disappointed in us - they had naturally thought the holiday would be some nice family time together and my friend and I spent most of the holiday telling them that we didn't want to go xyz, do this, that or the other because it was boring. They must have thought we were a pair of the most ungrateful little shits going.

Looking back, I'm mortified that we could be so rude; however it was one of the best holidays I ever had (for all the wrong reasons, of course).

i guess what I'm saying is, it's an awkward age for family holidays, especially with friends. It sounds like she is influencing your daughter who would otherwise happily be joining in with the activities.

clash you have it in one... when I went to stay in a boring seaside resort in a holiday cottage owned by a relative when I was 13-14 the local amusement arcade (with rides, machines and exchange students), plus the village disco, beach etc were far more amusing than the local stately homes, zoos etc... we were luckily allowed to do our own thing generally but I do recall going to a friend's house at 14-15 when I was 'unwell', friend's DM wanted me to stay in, I wanted to go out, and out I went to the nearest nightclub where I got into a fight... and we lied to my mother by she knew...

sorry OP the above isn't designed to make you feel better. hope things are better with Madam today though.

This morning we went to kids club. Told she didn't have to come. I took dd , she decided to come with me, Sat with a sulky face, joined in when I left while telling my dd (which I didn't see) how boring it was.

She then started with can we go and d x now. I told her to wait until dd had finished as she was enjoying it.

We went to the next activity she chose. We all did it. She finished before us and immediately started because we hadn't finished shouting 'I'm Done I'm done' then 'what do you want me to do now , do you just expect me to sit here do nothing. I told her I had sat for hours watching them do activities and I was only expecting them to wait five minutes while dd finished.

We then went to another activity they both chose and my dd was winning hers in a race. She waited until she was right at the side of my Mum and said it was ridiculous and boring.

She had the day before been commenting how rubbish and crap my dd was at fencing.

My Mum was praising dd over how she had done good (dd struggles at everything) and she was constantly interrupting wanting attention.

Dd was talking to my Dad on the phone and my dad was joking to dd that he was having scraps for tea as we had took all his money, dd told him that he had plenty of food in the freezer and the child made some comment about him being stupid.

I've no intention of sending the child on 2 trains and a bus home. We will have to last the week out and never again.
I'm slightly worried this will spill over to school though.

Gosh that does sound like hard work. How much longer are you there for?

You're very patient OP I would have given her a massive dressing down by now and please DO NOT down play her behaviour when you finally return her to her mum.

just to add we have repeatedly told her she doesn't have to come to the entertainment, she doesn't have to do the activities, she can chose different to dd etc etc.

Are you going to tell Her mother what she was like?

Deeper well done for coping with it all. Sounds like you have done the best thing in encouraging your DD in her activities and ignoring her silly comments. It really does sound as if she either lacks social skills or is a bit ADHD (sorry to any parents with SEN apart from yours).

The thing I would may say to this nasty child in private or pubic that you don't want to keep hearing her saying it's boring or to tell your DD that she's rubbish eg at fencing. Maybe point out its not what friends do.

You could also (reverse psychology here and it may stick in your mouth to do it but could work!) try praising nasty child for when she does things well, finishes early etc AS WELL as praise your own DD. Doesn't matter if you don't mean the praise for the other child.

I was wondering about school yesterday too - does your DD have other friends, if this spilled over into bullying what's the school policy etc? I don't mean to worry you but I was bullied briefly by a friend aged 12 over something ridiculous turned out she was jealous of my home and home life. we had been best friends and luckily school nipped it in the bud and we were ok afterwards.

for what its worth also you and your family sound great for putting up with this brat and your DD even more so... maybe a chat with DD when you get home would be good/nice just so she knows none of this was her fault, not to let nasty kid's comments affect her.

Seriously, tell her one more snide remark and she WILL get a childminder for her £300. Do it.

cunty - the thing is - if you give another child a massive dressing down especially if you don't them you risk a very upset child who may decide to be even more unpleasant after this...

It does beg the question what on earth are the other mother's parenting skills like that her DD behaves like this? It can't be the only time it happens, must happen at home?!

reni - yes I think now with another week I'd get a childminder and sod being nice with treats. Treat her like a child. Maybe after a day of being minded she'd be contrite enough to behave for the rest of the week.

She is incredibly rude but maybe this is how she behaves on holiday and they just throw money at her. Wonder why her mum was so happy for her to come with you.

Can't you just ignore her when she whines on like that? Id be walking off and leaving her to it every time she says the b-word etc. I might also go a big yawn in her face before leaving her too.

And I think she's shot her chances of choosing what activity you all do hasn't she? Just do what you all want to do and leave her to sulk.

You do know she's going to go home and tell her mum she had a really nice holiday and when can she do it again?

I have praised the child when they have done good. if anything I praised the child more initially than my own.

So it sounds like more than 'brattiness' or tween 'sullens' if she's insulting others and denigrating them. Especially someone who is supposed to be her friend! I know at that age they can be vocal about 'cool' vs 'uncool', but she's taking it a bit too far if she's putting your dd down and being generally insulting to others. I still think at this point I'd arrange for her to either stay behind during activities or to be able to remove her from an activity if she starts in. Can you pull her out and send her back to the caravan or room? You've done enough to try to include or appease her. At this point you could probably have whatever 'boy band' is popular serenade her and it would be 'boring'. She's determined to be, and make everyone else around her, miserable. I feel sorry for her if she is truly that unhappy, but not to the extent of allowing her to ruin my own family's holiday.

I agree that you can't just send her on a cross country journey home alone. But I would make arrangements to keep her away from DD as much as possible. And I would definitely try to ease DD out of the friendship when I got home.

And, yes, I would definitely tell her mother what a misery she's been (in nicer terms). I'd want to know. Mine were always the opposite! They'd drive me crazy at home but their friends' parents would always say how polite and helpful they were. I'd always check to be sure they'd brought me the right children!