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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

470 replies

Deeperdown · 18/07/2015 09:06

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 20/07/2015 17:02

OP - wow - I can't think of more suggestions... yes childminder or do what you want to do and leave her to sulk. Little brat.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 20/07/2015 17:03

TBH Superflyhigh I wouldn't be in the least bit bothered about upsetting her with a dressing down. I'm not talking about yelling and screaming at her more of a "Right that is enough, your behaviour is completely out of line and I don't want to hear anymore of it. I am tired of your rudeness and I will be having a VERY long talk with your mother when we get home."

If she wants to continue to be unpleasant frankly I would no longer be letting her choose activities and would be completely ignoring her when she chooses to say unpleasant things

LIZS · 20/07/2015 17:04

How would you treat dd if she behaved like this with you?

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 20/07/2015 17:04

Well my mother always said "Only boring people get bored" - I'd be repeating that to her and telling her she must be exceedingly boring indeed

Original poster
Deeperdown · 20/07/2015 17:09

well she came back and sulked in her room for ages.
I asked dd what was up, dd said she wanted to go and hang round with some older kids on site rather than dd, Dd said she was going back and didn't know if she would get in trouble for leaving her there, child came back but sulked in her room so I've sent the child back out. Site isn't huge and we aren't far from the park.

OP posts:
Marynary · 20/07/2015 17:23

It sounds as if she totally lacks empathy and social skills. I would let her know that you're not interested in her complaints and then just try to ignore. I hope your DD is alright. It can't be at all nice for her.

Penfold007 · 20/07/2015 17:27

OP you and your lovely mum Wine Wine and for your DD Cake

CamelHump · 20/07/2015 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 20/07/2015 17:54

Can you not contact this child's mother wherever she is on holiday and tell her what's happening and get her to talk to her?
I agree that sending her home on public transport is not an option.

ClashCityRocker · 20/07/2015 18:15

Best idea, if she's only going to make things a misery.

Well done on being so patient.

ClashCityRocker · 20/07/2015 18:16

Sorry, I meant best idea to send her out where she wants to be. Agree with not sending her home.

Hellionsitem2 · 20/07/2015 18:24

Send a message to mother insisting that the DD is collected by her aunt or other responsible adult as she is ruining everyone's holidays. Mention your mothers illness.

Then have nothing to do with the little shit ever again.

Also that mother must have known her DD would be trouble. It was very selfish of her to bugger off and leave you with no choice but to have such a horrid child

Lastly why hasn't the mother rung regularly to check on her DD?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 20/07/2015 18:52

The way she is behaving is absolutely shocking. I too think you insist on her being collected.
She is ruining things for everyone yourself your dd and your poor sick mum. I really feel for your dd, it must be mortifying for her.
I tell you one thing. It'll make you think twice before you take another child on holiday and you'll probably need another holiday to recover from this one.

Hissy · 20/07/2015 19:00

Call the mother and her the aunt to come and get the child. The £300 will cover the petrol AND the holiday activity club she'll need to go to.

Honestly id not put up with this shit at all.

Hissy · 20/07/2015 19:02

Oh and the friendship IS terminated as of now, I doubt your ds will give this kid the time of day.

Make this the parents problem today, don't sacrifice your holiday or your DM happiness for the sake of a sulky, rude and over indulged child.

Hellionsitem2 · 20/07/2015 19:02

Ask for a CRB checked taxi to drive her to her aunts, using the £300 to pay.

Hissy · 20/07/2015 19:03

Dd not ds - sorry, autocorrect Blush

Hissy · 20/07/2015 19:03

I thought about that hells good idea!

sadwidow28 · 20/07/2015 19:28

she wanted to go and hang round with some older kids on site rather than dd

You have sent her back to the older kids? For goodness sake, there is more going on here than just being 'sulky'. She is not on the same age-appropriate page as your DD.

I agree with Hellion - find a taxi driver who holds a CRB (it's called a DBS now - Disclosure and Barring Service) and sending her home to the Aunt. This is beyond a joke!

Your DD is concerned that when the Dfriend wants to 'hang out' with older kids, she might get into trouble for leaving the Dfriend. You have brought her up well to stay close to friends and look out for one another, but the Dfriend has way more control and say in this friendship.

This should be your plan of action:

  1. frog-march the Dfriend back to your caravan - with as loud as possible to humiliate her! (I don't often advocate humiliating a child, but this one is running rings round everyone!) That will be a huge wake-up call to remind Dfriend that she is 12yrs old and not 20 yrs old
  2. Phone the mother - whilst Dfriend is listening - and TELL the mother that you are sending her back home via train or taxi. Ask for the Aunt's number to make final arrangements.
  3. Send Dfriend to her room to get her bags packed ready for morning pick-up.
  4. Praise your DD for being a good friend, and extra praise for telling you honestly what Dfriend was really getting up to.

Never mind that the park is near enough. If she is not under your watchful eye, how do you know that she will not go out of the park with the 'bigger kids'.

3 months on ...... Mum of Dfriend phones to tell you that she is pregnant. What do you say then? It sounds like DFriend is a 'follower' of the bigger kids. No real savvy to get herself out of tricky situations. I wouldn't take responsibility for this child - and I am a former teacher who took groups of 16 on camping holidays every year!

It was "My Way or the High Way"

sonjadog · 20/07/2015 19:29

I don't understand why you haven't phoned her mother again, told her that her daughter's rude behaviour is unacceptable and told her to sort it out. Has she spoken to her daughter directly? What does she think should be done?

fiddlybulb · 20/07/2015 19:31

God, she is being a right little moo isn't she. I really feel for you and for your poor dd - it must be ruining her holiday too.

Agree that the other kid's parents are at fault here, big time (dad as well as mum, unless I've missed something?)

The charitable guess is that she feels dumped by her parents and is taking it out on you. Not much consolation for you though.

captainfarrell · 20/07/2015 19:33

I'd ring parents and ask them to talk to her on phone. If no improvement then they should come and get her. No way should you have to be put out. Spoilt brat!

Hellionsitem2 · 20/07/2015 19:35

CRB checked taxi ride home using the £300

LIZS · 20/07/2015 19:35

Don't think it is good idea for her to hang around with older kids essentially to give you a break , sorry. They could lead her up to all sorts and you are still responsible for her. Either both girls stay or neither. Agree with the retrieval and possibly grounding if she is disobedient.

Hellionsitem2 · 20/07/2015 19:35

CRB checked taxi ride home to her aunts using the £300