Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

[Deeperdown]

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

She assumed I'd given him comforting mummy words not the bollocking of his life I think!

.

OP, this sounds like bloody hard work and quite far from being a 'holiday'.

No, you can't put her on a train, she's not old enough. However, I would take one day out of the holiday to drive her to a relative, use her £300 as petrol money, and enjoy the rest of the week.

Decades ago my family took my sister's friend out for the day. It had been made clear that we were going to be outside all day and would climb a large hill/small mountain. The friend was told to have suitable clothing and footwear. She turned up in a silly dress and high heeled boots, then cried because the heel came off one of her boots and she got a blister. My mother took her straight home and the friend cried again because she was going to miss the meal afterwards. Never invited again.

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday OP. If you really can't get rid of the child, you need to be really firm - shouting may be the only way - that she can't behave as she is. Also, make a note of everything so that when she complains to her mum you have a lot of evidence to back yourself up.

marynary you are the proud owner of my first odfod! Are you the brats mother by any chance?

No but I am a mother or teenagers and have looked after plenty of 12 year olds. My guess is that you haven't got children or only have very young ones if you think it is okay to dump a 12 year old on a train (or anywhere else) after you have offered to take them on holiday and look after them.

I agree with AcrossthePond. Hire a child minder on site for her £300 to sit with her whilst you do activities. At least tell her that is what you'll do unless she stops spoiling your holidays, it should get her to join in.

I'm obviously a complete cow with no thought for child safety. Because I used to run a cadet group and if a kid behaved like this parents got a call and a choice. Will you be collecting or shall I pop them on the train? If they said oh we can't do that, I stuck them on the train and let the parent know the local station and arrival time. Only had to do it occasionally, then the kids knew I wasn't joking and so did the parents.

at bury theomey and hand her a spade!

Op, call the mother again and get her collected. It is not fair on anyone to have her there.

They've been to the park and a pool party then swimming, no problems .

Then came out and asked to watch a film on tv. I said yes she then piped up before it started "I don't like parents because they talk all the way through films." but other than that fine.

GemmeFatale What age were the children and how often did you put them on a train without their parents agreement?

My response to that would be I don't like children who are unbelievably rude and need to mind their manners. I am however a secondary school teacher with a tendency to be a bit sarcastic when students think they are being smart!

The film would have been cancelled and something really dull insisted on!

No Mary, OP does NOT have to continue to have responsibility for this child.
She is neither parent nor guardian, and has no legal relationship to her.
therefore she can suite simply tell the mother she is not taking any further responsiblity and the mother needs to get her ass into gear and make immediate arrangements for her daughter.
And having had an 11 year old travel to Aberdeen by train by herself I am perfectly well aware of what a 12 year old is capable of. And sitting on a train is one of these things. If your DC were not able to do that at 12, then that is another matter. Children travel to school by train every single day.

No Mary, OP does NOT have to continue to have responsibility for this child.

Yes LavenderLeigh, OP is responsible for the child until she has passed her back to her parents or other responsible adult. She can't just dump her on a train or anywhere else because she is fed up with her. She agreed to look after her.
My DCs get a train every day to secondary school and have done since they were 11 so I don't need a lesson on what children of that age are capable of doing. However, the trains were local and I went with them the first few times to make sure that they knew what they were doing. Many 12 year olds don't go on trains and it certainly wouldn't be appropriate to deposit them on one many miles away from home.

"I don't like parents because they talk all the way through films." Fair comment, I'd say.

Good to hear things have picked up today! Well done!

I was just going to offer that I had my "everything's boring" phase at about 14-15 so 12 seems reasonable these days. I had to be sort of cajoled through it, until I'd get involved in something I considered childish and boring, then woe betide anyone who crowed "See? You did enjoy it!" That meant I had to sulk about being reminded I'd enjoyed something childish and double-layer the boredom factor to make up for it.

Oddly enough, I really like teens & tweens. I remember the agony!!

I think this child is being sulky... But just needs a good talking to. It's been proved she did enjoy pottery and kids clubs. So you either have the task of bribery and/or talking to her (if so every day, eg one moan out of you and you can or can't have XXXX treat). Chivvying along helps too. Tiring but does work, ignore any silly comments re adults being XXX or tell her off about those comments or make a joke about it.

For your DM maybe she could have a chat/play cards or something with both children. If she hears your DM moaning about her then the friend won't feel wanted.

I wouldn't be putting her on a train I'd make her either have a bad time or say to pull herself together. She may have another day or 2 of stroppiness but most kids will behave after a period of strops.

If she likes pottery get her to do that again. Waste her money in arcade same let her do it!

You could put her on a train but this means coordinating with aunt and this girl's DM who to be frank sounds useless too. You also don't want hassle eg if child is delayed, speaks to strangers etc...

I was so lucky my best friend on holiday as a child enjoyed every minute with my family never complained... But she was ignored and a latchkey kid with her own DM.

All these people saying 12 year olds can't travel alone! I was flying from Aberdeen to London regularly by myself aged 11 onwards. I now travel a lot by rail for work and see a lot of lone young teenagers/older children.

I think it's tricky, I was NEVER into kids activities/holiday camp style holidays and would much rather do what the adults were doing (we never did beach holidays so lots of walking/cycling etc) I'd be bored out of my brain at one now and do think aged 12 I might not have been quite so gracious! But then I was a precocious little so and so.

I however think it is utterly irresponsible for someone to go away when there isn't an older sibling or grandparent who can come and wisk them away at the drop if a hat.

Id also totally put my foot down TELL HER she is RUINING the holiday and she can either go out and do the boring activities or she can sit in by herself.

I really hope you manage to get it sorted OP, it's awful that she's ruining your family holiday.

What is it though, with some kids having such a problem with activities organised for them? My two are 12 and 16, and there are a few of their friends who just react against 'organised' stuff. We treated dd and her friends to a meal out for her 14th birthday, thinking it would take up the evening, but less than an hour after we dropped them off there they were phoning to be picked up, saying they were 'bored', so they'd eaten as quickly as possible

We also took them to a special fireworks display, they were bored again! DD enjoyed it all, but not her friends

I took ds and his friend out recently, they'd been bowling, done all they'd wanted to in town so I suggested watching the outdoor music/comedy display. After 5 minutes ds's friend was SO BORED, so we ended up killing time at the station waiting for the train. What is it with some of them? I, and most of my friends used to really enjoy all that sort of stuff, and my dc's do, too. When you've spent time and money organising it for others and they throw it back in your face it's just hurtful!

DH said on DD's next birthday maybe they'd all be happier just on a park bench with a bag of chips each, sadly, he may be right!

Ex nanny of many years experience, dd 14 wouldn't dream of behaving like this, 20+ years as a youth leader (guides, scouts, girls brigade and youth clubs).

Perhaps I should have said that I hoped that you didn't have older children or experience of looking after them if you think it is okay to dump someone elses 12 year old on a train without the parents permission.

I wonder if the problem is that some kids have just had their every whim pandered too and haven't been made to go along with something graciously because it's something someone else enjoys.

Mind you I haven't got teenagers yet. So we'll see how successful I am then
I think it's an important part of socialisation.

OP is responsible for the child until she has passed her back to her parents or other responsible adult
You are not reading what is being posted, Mary

OP does not have to CONTINUE to have responsiblity for the girl. The 12 year old who is behaving like she is 6. OP has no legal relationship with her and can end the informal arrangement at any point. It is up to the mother to start acting like a parent and take responsiblity for her badly behaved daughter.

You were the person who said that other posters did not have teens if they thought at 12 year old could safely travel alone on a train. But many of do have teens and have put them on a train to be collected at the other end when they were younger and it is absolutely no big deal at all. A younger child, I would absolutely travel with. But at 11 DD was more than capable of sitting on a train by herself for a few hours when the circumstances meant she had to travel alone. So in this case you do need to understand that just because you had to go with your children does not mean that is the case for everyone

This is shocking but I agree with the pp who said can your DM spend some fun time with both girls. It does sound like her behaviour is improving a bit so she needs to feel like she's still welcome on your holiday and can get her way back into your good books! Otherwise it'll all be too hard for her.
NOT saying bend over backwards for this kid though!

camel oh do fuck off dear.
I mean don't though! You seem nice. The above is purely for translation purposes!

OF course a 12 year old could be put on a train and picked up at the other end. I was put on a train, had to change trains and was picked up at the other end aged 8!!