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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

470 replies

Deeperdown · 18/07/2015 09:06

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

OP posts:
Original poster
Deeperdown · 20/07/2015 21:59

May.
The other girl is the youngest of three.
Mine is an only child with additional needs who is mentally more an age of around 7/8

OP posts:
Original poster
Deeperdown · 20/07/2015 22:02

Dd does not have any other friends in school. She spends her breaktimes in an additional needs room.

OP posts:
MayPolist · 20/07/2015 22:05

meanwhile back in the real world...
I do feel sorry for you OP.We have had threads similar (very similar) to this on MN and IIRC the kid starts joining in more as the week progresses.
Hopefully now she has found these older kids she will hang out with them and cheer up a bit

AspieAndNT · 20/07/2015 22:07

Do you think that she is bored then as what a 7yr old wants to do is babyish for a 12yr old.

MayPolist · 20/07/2015 22:08

So, she is much more comfortable with older kids.I really don't think this was ever going to work.Very few 12 yr olds wants to do 7/8 yr old things, or even organised activities really.they just want to hang out with friends.

AspieAndNT · 20/07/2015 22:09

May - what do you mean by "back in the rear world " ?

fiddlybulb · 20/07/2015 22:10

Well Flowers for you and your Dd

My opinion is that you're doing the best you can here: trying to minimise disruption for everyone without having a massive drama.

Sort of like you're in an aircraft with one engine knocked out and you're the only one who can land the plane!

It means a crappy few days of stress for you but I can understand why you'd rather just get your head down and get through it.

Make sure you get yourself a treat of some sort when you finally get home (possibly with some of the £300 - I wouldn't normally advocate stealing off a child, but you're definitely owed a bottle of wine and a massive bar of chocolate at the very least...)

PunkrockerGirl · 20/07/2015 22:13

Send her home at the parent's expense. Or they come and collect her. It's your holiday and you kindly have taken dd's friend along. She has, however, behaved like a complete ungrateful brat and you need to remove her so you can enjoy the rest of your holiday. Her parents need to be told exactly why you can't accommodate her any longer. Holidays are precious, you don't have to have yours ruined. Send her home.

Jen1610 · 20/07/2015 22:16

Is the girl friends with your daughter and do they normally spend a lot of time together?

MayPolist · 20/07/2015 22:19

The real world where you can not take responsibility for a child for a week and then ditch her when the going gets tough.The parents can't get there.You can't steal the £300 to spend it, even on sending her home.I have seen nothing to say that the aunt is the emergency back up.Why would she take responsibility for this brat child?

CassieBearRawr · 20/07/2015 22:19

The other girl is the youngest of three. Mine is an only child with additional needs who is mentally more an age of around 7/8

Several days and 12 pages later...does this not answer a lot of the questions over this kids behaviour! Yes she's behaved awfully but 7 and 12 are very developmentally different. No wonder you're struggling to find shared interests.

fiddlybulb · 20/07/2015 22:28

OP said a while back that her dd has Sen and struggles with lots of things.

OP has put herself out massively trying to cement her dd's friendship, give her mum a nice holiday and generally prioritise everyone but herself. It's turned to shit and she's having to manage it all. Telling her that she shouldn't have done it in the first place doesn't seem very kind, or even practically useful. I doubt she'll be doing it again!

Original poster
Deeperdown · 20/07/2015 22:40

She spends every break and lunch with dd, she choses to join her in sn room.
Dd has been away with them for four days.
She knows what dd is like.
She chose to come.
She asked to come.

Dd has done or is doing
sedgeway (think thats what they are called)
daily Swimming - both picked
aqua jets - child picked then whinged
climbing wall - both picked
kayaking
fencing
aerial zip wire and High climbing thing - child picked
Pool party for age ten plus - both picked
pottery - child picked

child is doing or has done alone target shooting
mini golf
zip wire
High aerial adventure

so I'm hardly forcing her to do baby activities.
She's been told she's free to do any activities she choses even if dd doesn't do it.

OP posts:
MadamArcatiAgain · 20/07/2015 22:43

well that is a massive plot twist!!!!
I think the OP has been very kind, but massively, massively naive.

The girl will probably be quite an 'old' 12 with 2 older sibs, and probably her holiday at the site with them was quite different to the kind of things you are doing.they wuld be just seeking out teens to hang round and chat with. I don't think she realised that it wouldn't be like that with your family.

Metacentric · 20/07/2015 22:55

The other girl is the youngest of three. Mine is an only child with additional needs who is mentally more an age of around 7/8

Which, I think we might suggest, quite the drip feed.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 20/07/2015 22:56

it's not a plot twist when I've stated from the start dd has additional needs.

The child knows dd very well, has been away with her, I've gone out of my way to provide age appropriate activities for her and make it clear that she's free to do activities of her choice.

Does the fact she's chosen to come on holiday with my dd who is mentally younger REALLY excuse her awful behaviour? Because dd has missed out on things she would like to have done in order to accommodate this child.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 20/07/2015 22:59

OP, you haven't responded to questions about the logistics of sending her home. Do you actually want some sort of proper holiday or do you just want to moan about her?

pippitysqueakity · 20/07/2015 22:59

Ooh, think I have just come back from same holiday camp, OP.
Wish I'd known, could have popped in to offer support!

WayneRooneysHair · 20/07/2015 22:59

It doesn't excuse her behaviour but it does put a different angle on it IMHO.

WayneRooneysHair · 20/07/2015 23:01

The OP has already said that she will not send the girl home as it involves two trains and a bus, I wouldn't feel comfortable myself in sending a 12 year old to make that journey.

MadamArcatiAgain · 20/07/2015 23:05

But generally teens (and I am classing this girl as a teen in view of the fact that she has teen sibs) don't 'do' activities.that is the whole point.

I agree that she has behaved in an ungrateful ill mannered way

cuntycowfacemonkey · 20/07/2015 23:06

It's not a plot twist and it certainly doesn't excuse her behaviour. I'm sure the OP wouldn't just invite some random child on their family holiday if she didn't think she and her daughter were friends.

OP has made it clear from the start her DD has additional needs.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 20/07/2015 23:11

dancergirl I've already said I'm not sending her home, that we will see the week through and never again.

Waynerooney I get you but all the activities they have done have had much older teens or same aged kids in so I've hardly been making her watch postman pat.

Obviously the fact that my dd has additional needs (which I've said from the start, which her Mum knows about and the dd knows about) makes me unreasonable.

Obviously asking and choosing to come away with a child with an give you the leeway to be utterly rude within an hour of arriving

Ah well lesson learnt.

OP posts:
MadamArcatiAgain · 20/07/2015 23:11

Of course it is a plot twist!!! The Op's dd is mentally 7 not 12!!!!

MadamArcatiAgain · 20/07/2015 23:16

The OP said on p[-age 5, that her daughter has SEN.That means a difficulty affecting her education like dyslexia!!