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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

470 replies

Deeperdown · 18/07/2015 09:06

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

OP posts:
Hellionsitem2 · 20/07/2015 19:40

I think its inappropriate for her to hang around much older children who could be into all sorts. It would be different if you knew them of course, but you don't. Add to this she is supposedly your DD's friend and is being quite nasty to her

sadwidow28 · 20/07/2015 19:41

CamelHump I think what you were meaning by "it's so much harder to bollock someone else's child for bad behaviour" is quite correct. Even I found it easier to just remind my DSD of our house rules and it was enough.

However, when I ran my residential holidays as a teacher, I would find myself negotiating and explaining much more. I would do 1-2-1's with youngsters who wouldn't eat, youngster's who tried to leave our group on days out and try to 'disappear from the day out', youngster's who said they couldn't walk that far, get out of bed for 9am etc.

In this scenario, I would be using the emergency contact number to say "Collect or organise collection now".

Green18 · 20/07/2015 19:44

I agree with camel . It's your family holiday. You've asked her to join you, that means JOIN in with what you do not hijack the holiday. needless to say you won't do it again!

Hellionsitem2 · 20/07/2015 19:45

Actually ask the mother if she would prefer the aunt (responsible adult) collect her OR that you use the £300 to put her in a taxi back. She can choose either option.

Hellionsitem2 · 20/07/2015 19:46

Maybe even let the mother organise the taxi

Hellionsitem2 · 20/07/2015 19:47

How long would it take by car?

Green18 · 20/07/2015 19:51

I meant sadwidow

sadwidow28 · 20/07/2015 19:55

When DN was on a camping holiday with scouts, I was the emergency number. I have a holiday home closer to where he was camping, so I went there for the week (even though I had other things I would have preferred to do at my brick house).

I take my responsibility as an emergency number very seriously.

My SIL went with new boyfriend to Lanzaroti for a week (honestly - that is true!) But I always knew, even before she got on the plane that I was the responsible adult and 1st registered emergency number for DN if a situation arose at scouts.

SIL and I even signed forms to ensure that I would be able to take medical decisions should DN meet with a minor accident and that she would convey her decision via my registered phone number in the case of a major accident.

Why don't people think of the responsibilities before they 'invite children's friends' on holiday?

sadwidow28 · 20/07/2015 20:04

I am so sorry peeps that I am watching this thread so much. I am so concerned about the safety of this 12 year old.

That is NOT because I don't think Deeperdown hasn't done her best, nor that I think the DD hasn't done her best also.

I really think that this 12 year old is a 'smart arse' who knows how to manipulate adults and others. Her own mother got out of the country when Dfriend was 'assigned' to another adult. I am beginning to think that the mother realised she had 'dumped' her problem 12 year old on Deeperdown when she was invited on the holiday with DD.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 20/07/2015 20:28

The older kids were only slightly older and playing on the park on the same row as our caravan is!

OP posts:
Original poster
Deeperdown · 20/07/2015 20:52

and by park I mean a play structure for older kids a few caravans away and in front of the campsite reception. I was checking on her and she was playing on the structure with the girls with the instructions she wasn't to leave the play structure other than to come back or I would call mum.

I haven't sent her to the blooming woods with 16 year old kids, she was on a play structure!

OP posts:
Hellionsitem2 · 20/07/2015 20:56

Send her home OP!

BitchPeas · 20/07/2015 21:02

Spend her £300 on a cab to take her home to her aunt. What a brat. You are a saint OP.

WayneRooneysHair · 20/07/2015 21:03

What if the aunt doesn't want her?

highkickindandy · 20/07/2015 21:04

How far from home are you? How did you get there and do you or your Mum drive?

If you drive you could use the £300 for petrol and/or car hire - one of you drive the girl home/to aunt's house and the other stay with daughter?
Presenting this suggestion to the girl and her family may bring about a change in attitude or it may be a practical way to end the situation which is not making anyone happy at the moment.

ClashCityRocker · 20/07/2015 21:05

I think you're doing a grand job. Hopefully she'll knock about with her newfound pals whilst you get a well-deserved break.

LIZS · 20/07/2015 21:06

The £300 spends aside, has there been any offer of contribution towards the cost of her break and food? I agree that her mum has done a number on you and should be bawling her dd out over the phone.

Dancergirl · 20/07/2015 21:06

OP, the situation's no better and it's not going to change. How much longer are you there? I think you need to do something, there are plenty of suggestions here. Don't just suffer any more, this is your holiday.

So the mother's out the country but the aunt's around? Have you spoken to the aunt? Make arrangements to send this girl to the aunt's one way or another. If you have to take her then so be it or maybe the aunt will be happy for her to travel alone.

But don't take any more. You've tried very hard, it's now time to call it a day and concentrate on your own family.

Please post again once you've made arrangements!

Hellionsitem2 · 20/07/2015 21:20

Come on OP. Don't put up with it.

Text the mum. Say you need to send her back home in a taxi using the £300 and where should you send her? There's bound to be someone. If not the mother should return home. If it's a choice between your mother or the girls mother having a crap holiday, it has to be the girls mother.

BifsWif · 20/07/2015 21:26

Call her mother and tell her that her daughter is ruining your holiday, she has had many chances to change her behaviour and you will be bringing her home. Where should she be dropped off?

That's it. End of conversation.

Ohfourfoxache · 20/07/2015 21:32

It really is time to send this brat home op.

Why isn't the mum giving her a bollocking? I'd be utterly ashamed if she was mine

CamelHump · 20/07/2015 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MayPolist · 20/07/2015 21:50

Can I just ask whether the girl has older or younger siblings and where DD comes in your own family (ie eldest youngest)?

bloodyteenagers · 20/07/2015 21:54

I really cannot understand why she is still with you.
You should have got tough and
Told the parents they either come and get her or you are sending her on the train.
Doesn't matter if they have fucked off on holiday and it spoils theirs. Their child is ruining yours and
They have done a number on you.
Wouldn't be suprised if they are on holiday without her knowing what she is like.

fiddlybulb · 20/07/2015 21:59

OP please correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds as though your DD doesn't have loads of mates, so a big public bust-up with this one would be quite painful for her? Plus I'd also guess, though I could be wrong, that you're not a big fan of confrontation (I'm not either) Wink

If I'm right in my guesses here then it might explain why the OP isn't being all fighty and assertive about it. Easily recommended from a distance, but a bit harder to do in person, especially if the op's Dd might end up being even more upset by it.

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