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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents need to start parenting?!

289 replies

grumpasaur · 17/07/2015 19:25

Dear Parents,

I understand that you love your children. I do. More often than not, I love your children too, and am happy to play with them and indulge their childish whims and imaginative fancies.

However, I do not understand why more and more, you are seemingly immune to the noise and disruption your children cause when you allow them to run rampant in predominantly adult spaces.

Kids make noise. I get that. Some kids make noise no matter how much you try to quiet them. However, you will get a significantly increased amount of support and understanding from me if I see you at least TRYING to keeping them quiet- again, in predominantly adult spaces.

When I see you calmly eating your sandwhich whilst your two twins run around the small café, talking loudly on the phone, screaming at each other, stomping their new shoes to show them off, and indeed even BEATING EACH OTHER UP, and I see you do nothing...well, I want to take your children, discipline them for you, and give you a proper telling off for being a shit-fuck of a parent. I want to give you a spanking and tell you to smarten the fuck up.

Parenting is hard. So I hear anyway. I chose not to have children because I do not wish, yet, to have to disrupt my life with the responsibilities of parenting.

May I calmly suggest that you respect my decision not to have kids just as I respect your decision to have yours. I'll help you as much as you need...really, I will, just ask my friends with children.

But seriously. This lazy parenting which impacts not only the way that your children are treated but also the way parents in general are perceived has got to stop. It's ridiculous, indulgent, irresponsible, and annoying as fuck.

Seriously. STOP IT.

Or go to soft play, where your kids can scream all they like and I am sip my coffee in peace, far far away.

OP posts:
usualsuspect333 · 18/07/2015 21:10

I'm being defensive because I hate the smug perfect parenting tone on these threads.

My kids were badly behaved sometimes

Original poster
grumpasaur · 18/07/2015 21:11

Maybe- yes, you put it perfectly.

I am not some ignorant and intolerant child hater.

I have 13 cousins who between them have 26 kids, and am often the go-to babysitter for many of my friends with children. I also run family groups at my charity. I know that isn't even close to the same as having my own children, but it does mean I have witnessed a lot of good / different parenting styles and understand what kids can be like!

OP posts:
Wideopenspace · 18/07/2015 21:12

I hadn't picked up on any smugness usual.

P'raps my smugdar is faulty... Grin

maybebabybee · 18/07/2015 21:12

I don't think anyone has said they're a perfect parent. Or implied it.

And again its not about the kids behaving badly. Kids will be kids. It's when parents don't try - note I said try - to control them.

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/07/2015 21:12

usual you are acting as though the OP is talking about you personally. Can you not at least see slightly where she is coming from?

usualsuspect333 · 18/07/2015 21:14

Nope. I think she's one of those tutting huffing people who make parents lives harder.

DancingHat · 18/07/2015 21:15

Yes. Some parents do not give a shit about who their kids bother. I have a noisy and often grumpy toddler but when I take her to nice adult spaces like restaurants I keep the nice ambience I chose the place for. There are adult spaces and kid spaces. I let her shout and run around at soft play. I give her crayons and paper at a nice restaurant. Before I had kids I was annoyed at noisy kids with lax parents. As a parent I am even more so because I sacrifice my unequivocal enjoyment for the greater good. Don't get me wrong I enjoy myself but I'm always on guard.

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/07/2015 21:17

So usual do you think it is your right to just allow your child to run riot because you are a parent? Can you not see how fucking irritating unruly children can be when their parents refuse to control them?

stayanotherday · 18/07/2015 21:22

It's dangerous more than anything.

pictish · 18/07/2015 21:26

Everyone thinks they know how to parent until they actually have to do it. Not dealing with other people's kids, but actually being a parent every minute of every hour of every day.
We've all had a chuck-it-in-the-fuck-it-bucket moment. We've all been that parent with that kid at least once.

If the OP ever has a child of her own, she'll have a moment too.

I hope she remembers her haughty, insulting open letter on here if she does.

maybebabybee · 18/07/2015 21:29

Plenty of people on this thread have got kids and agree with the OP. RTFT.

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/07/2015 21:30

What is insulting about pointing out that letting your children run riot is not acceptable? You might have had 'moments' like that with your children but I certainly haven't with my son and I'm sure that other posters didn't let theirs behave like that.

Wideopenspace · 18/07/2015 21:32

pictish the OP was complaining, in a clearly over the top tongue in cheek way about specific situations where children have been allowed to behave inappropriately for the situation.

Thinking this is not ok has fuck all to do with being a parent.

Is is SO incomprehensible that sometimes people parent in a way that is deserving of criticism? It is not always additional needs/parents struggling/whatever. Some people just don't consider the impact their children have on others.

maybebabybee · 18/07/2015 21:32

The OP was not complaining about kids behaving badly. She was complaining about kids behaving badly when parents make no attempt whatsoever to curb said bad behaviour.

pictish · 18/07/2015 21:33

I have RTFT. I am following TFT.

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/07/2015 21:34

Sometimes I think some people believe that as soon as they become parents they have some god given right to behave like knobs however they please. Newsflash: you don't.

maybebabybee · 18/07/2015 21:36

Well then why have you completely ignored the many many posts here from posters who are parents yet who agree with the OP's position?

Being a parent doesn't come into it.

kali110 · 18/07/2015 21:42

I don't think yabu op.
I have worked in a cafe and whilst i served some lovely families i couldn't believe what others just left their kids doing.

stayanotherday · 18/07/2015 21:43

I think the OP has gone as there's no more she could add after explaining herself reasonably many times in the face of being called a smug t**t etc.

pictish · 18/07/2015 21:44

I'm not getting into it with anyone here.

usualsuspect333 · 18/07/2015 21:46

No, best leave the perfect parents to it.

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/07/2015 21:47

Well then don't pull the haughty 'you don't understand until you're a parent' nonsense if you aren't willing to discuss it.

Wideopenspace · 18/07/2015 21:47

Oh but you are Pictish, otherwise you wouldn't comment at all.

There's something a bit passive aggressive and smug about your last comment.

stayanotherday · 18/07/2015 21:47

I believe you Kali. We've had to ask some parents nicely to stop their children running around in work as there's wires and sometimes they fall. I then give them paper to draw on that keeps them occupied!

maybebabybee · 18/07/2015 21:47

Oh FGS. Literally no one on this thread has either said or implied they are perfect. Don't be a victim.