To think parents need to start parenting?!

[grumpasaur]

Dear Parents,

I understand that you love your children. I do. More often than not, I love your children too, and am happy to play with them and indulge their childish whims and imaginative fancies.

However, I do not understand why more and more, you are seemingly immune to the noise and disruption your children cause when you allow them to run rampant in predominantly adult spaces.

Kids make noise. I get that. Some kids make noise no matter how much you try to quiet them. However, you will get a significantly increased amount of support and understanding from me if I see you at least TRYING to keeping them quiet- again, in predominantly adult spaces.

When I see you calmly eating your sandwhich whilst your two twins run around the small café, talking loudly on the phone, screaming at each other, stomping their new shoes to show them off, and indeed even BEATING EACH OTHER UP, and I see you do nothing...well, I want to take your children, discipline them for you, and give you a proper telling off for being a shit-fuck of a parent. I want to give you a spanking and tell you to smarten the fuck up.

Parenting is hard. So I hear anyway. I chose not to have children because I do not wish, yet, to have to disrupt my life with the responsibilities of parenting.

May I calmly suggest that you respect my decision not to have kids just as I respect your decision to have yours. I'll help you as much as you need...really, I will, just ask my friends with children.

But seriously. This lazy parenting which impacts not only the way that your children are treated but also the way parents in general are perceived has got to stop. It's ridiculous, indulgent, irresponsible, and annoying as fuck.

Seriously. STOP IT.

Or go to soft play, where your kids can scream all they like and I am sip my coffee in peace, far far away.

"Noise is fine in a park. It is not fine in a coffee shop"
After being told that some children will never learn to be quiet. Not the op.

zazzie I think what they mean is that unbridled noise is okay in a park, and not a coffee shop. Of course there will be some noise- it's the IGNORING of the noise which is ridiculous!

As in, screaming and stomping and climbing around.

I have never been disrupted or annoyed by adults or children with disabilities... That isn't what is being discussed!

larant Sat 18-Jul-15 22:35:30
Revealall - We are not all as well off as you. For some people eating out is still a treat.

I am not well off. My point was times have changed...every high street is awash with coffee shops and cafes. Much more so than when I was growing up. I begrudge paying money for coffee when I have a jar at home but many parents see it as a normal place to meet up.

In the last two weeks my son has been to Nando's as part of his end of school trip. He has been to a birthday party at Pizza Express and will be going to the local pub next to the school on the last day. The pub is putting up an inflatable for the children.

I would never have gone out to two restaurants and a pub in year at the age of 10. Birthday parties were at home or at in a push in a village hall. Eating out was a picnic.
It isn't unreasonable to expect children to behave but like I said it's a numbers game. They aren't adult spaces in the way they used to be.

YANBU OP

I only have a dd but 95% of the time she is a delight when out and about, the remaining 5% when she is tired / grumpy / deciding to be awkward then I make sure I go to the cafe and buy takeaway versions ;)

I don't know about other people but discipline to me isn't smacking, I see it as clear boundary setting.

And the eardrum shattering roaring dinosaur kind of noise my DC makes in a park would definitely not be ok in a cafe.

That may just be mine, though....

I said earlier on that I don't try to quieten my son if he is making noises that he or I have no control over. It is pointless and stresses him out. That is not the same as letting him do what he wants. I think most people get this but I wonder about a few.

I was in a cafe recently. A man and his two young children (maybe 4 and 6 years old) were at the next table. They were playing some sort of word game together, laughing, and clearly having a wonderful time. At one point the younger child started singing the alphabet song rather loudly (you know those bell-like tones that only young children seem capable of). She sang the song a few times and showed no sign of stopping. If it had carried on it would have been a bit annoying, not unbearable by any means but a bit grating. However, the man was clearly aware that the other customers might not be delighted to hear his child singing. He handled the situation really well IMO, distracted her with the game they were playing and that was that. It was really nice to see a parent who was aware of his surroundings and the other people in the vicinity.

see Elk, to me that is normal parenting. To many of us that is normal. To others you would think it was rocket science!
same as my DC have never ever kicked off in the supermarket. Not once. Because I always involved them, from being tiny. Talked to them the whole time, chatting and smiling and playing 'boo' (not, i hasten to add loudly and obtrusively) - and once they were old enough to join in made it a real game. Ooh look, Can you see all the cats on the cat food tins, what does a cat say? Now which row is it for biscuits? which ones shall we choose today the jam ones or the chocolate ones. Can you point to the bananas. what colour are these apples? how many dogs are on that box? Then you get the people who moan and snap at their tired bored DC all the way round, or those who let their kids run around like it is a park and then get snotty when someone one almost runs them over with a trolley and says 'look out/be careful' to them!

Been to the supermarket today. There was a DC about 4 or 5 years of age, going round the aisles on a scooter. The DC was at the age where they don't really look where they are going and bump into people. Fine when they are walking, but not on a scooter.

Phantom, I suspect that you and I would get along well!!

I LOVE playing games with kids... Despite my post... That is good parenting and I HOPE I will be like that one day!

Zazzie, this is not about special needs. It is about parents who sat and did nothing while their children caused chaos in a coffee shop. Which is crap parenting, full stop.

Exactly,Grump.

Trying to talk about your situation, where you have made it blindingly clear the parents did nothing at all and ignored their children's terrible behaviour.

For the avoidance of doubt, Zazzie - in this particular instance, and only this instance with no implication to any other poster, any other coffee shop or any other children: the parents ignoring of the situation meant the noise was not okay.

Phantom some children kick off in supermarkets no matter how good the parenting is. Some of it is down to luck.

Good post phantom.
It's really not rocket science to consider others needs. My child wasn't a paragon of virtue, but with a little thought it's usually possible to avoid situations where they'll behave in a way that has a large negative impact on others. Dd once threw a huge tantrum, preceded by whinging and crying in an airport queue through being tired and bored and it was unavoidable. But the polite thing was to quickly say sorry she's really tired and bored to those near me and the response was others sharing their stories of times my child showed me up, offers of place saving in the queue etc and people trying to help instead of the filthy looks and rude comments the equally tired adults would have resorted to if I'd taken the attitude that very tired toddlers whinge and scream so suck it up. However while that situation was unavoidable, if after that I'd taken her in an airport cafe cos I was starving and thirsty and tired it would have been inconsiderate of me.
It's really not a case of judging the parent on what the child does, it's how you deal with it, even if your attempts are unsuccessful.