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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents need to start parenting?!

289 replies

grumpasaur · 17/07/2015 19:25

Dear Parents,

I understand that you love your children. I do. More often than not, I love your children too, and am happy to play with them and indulge their childish whims and imaginative fancies.

However, I do not understand why more and more, you are seemingly immune to the noise and disruption your children cause when you allow them to run rampant in predominantly adult spaces.

Kids make noise. I get that. Some kids make noise no matter how much you try to quiet them. However, you will get a significantly increased amount of support and understanding from me if I see you at least TRYING to keeping them quiet- again, in predominantly adult spaces.

When I see you calmly eating your sandwhich whilst your two twins run around the small café, talking loudly on the phone, screaming at each other, stomping their new shoes to show them off, and indeed even BEATING EACH OTHER UP, and I see you do nothing...well, I want to take your children, discipline them for you, and give you a proper telling off for being a shit-fuck of a parent. I want to give you a spanking and tell you to smarten the fuck up.

Parenting is hard. So I hear anyway. I chose not to have children because I do not wish, yet, to have to disrupt my life with the responsibilities of parenting.

May I calmly suggest that you respect my decision not to have kids just as I respect your decision to have yours. I'll help you as much as you need...really, I will, just ask my friends with children.

But seriously. This lazy parenting which impacts not only the way that your children are treated but also the way parents in general are perceived has got to stop. It's ridiculous, indulgent, irresponsible, and annoying as fuck.

Seriously. STOP IT.

Or go to soft play, where your kids can scream all they like and I am sip my coffee in peace, far far away.

OP posts:
MayPolist · 18/07/2015 20:37

The Op has had a hard time on here.Of course children should not be running round acafe shrieking and fighting.If they are doing so the parents should be making an effort to stop them.

clicketyclick66 · 18/07/2015 20:37

OP YANBU, and I say that as a mother of 3 - with one son who was very challenging as a toddler.

stayanotherday · 18/07/2015 20:37

I agree. Confused - Op has explained many times in a reasonable way and has been kind to you. Nobody is judging you personally.

ConfusedInBath · 18/07/2015 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2015 20:38

I agree with you op. It isn't the fact the kids are mucking about or being inappropriately loud. Kids do that, that's fine. It is the parents totally ignoring it so everyone else has to suffer. Guaranteed if you intervene and tell the kids to quieten down or stop behaving badly the parents will have a go at you for sticking your nose in. The vast majority of parents do a great job but it is awful when your train journey/nice lunch out/best friend's wedding is ruined by soneone letting their children run riot without making any effort at all to correct their behaviour.

Wideopenspace · 18/07/2015 20:41

No, confused it doesn't. I know my own child very well, that does not give me an insight into anyone else's, particularly when you are talking about children with additional needs, or hidden disabilities.

And whilst 'ignoring' behaviour may well be a valid parenting strategy in some situations, I think it would be obvious this was happening - very different to people just socialising/on their phones whilst their children behave inappropriately to the situation.

odyssey2001 · 18/07/2015 20:42

I'm going to add that I'm a parent of a very challenging four year old and I completely agree with the op's position.

Unruly children should be parented. This is not about a child having hidden issues but noisy children with feckless parents who don't care who their children disrupt.

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/07/2015 20:44

I am a parent and I can't think of any decent reason for ignoring the behaviour op described. If there is a good reason to ignore it then the parents should not be taking their children to a place where they will potentially break furniture, destroy stock, run riot and most importantly possibly injure themselves.

MayPolist · 18/07/2015 20:45

You can't ignore challenging behaviour when it is affecting others.

LaurieMarlow · 18/07/2015 20:48

OP, sweetheart, come back to is when you have two of your own, haven't slept for days, haven't had a break since God only knows when.

The maybe you'd understand why we just want 5 mins to drink our coffee in peace without having to break up world war three.

Jus saying

It can be wearying out here in the trenches. It's not something you're very qualified to comment on until you've lived it.

zazzie · 18/07/2015 20:49

There is some behaviour you can't ignore. When my child is making loud noises though, there is no point in telling him to quieten down. I used to when he was younger simply so that other people thought I was doing something about it but now I do what I think is in his best interests and will help him best in the long term.

maybebabybee · 18/07/2015 20:50

There are plenty of people on this thread who do have toddlers and still agree with the OP.

camtt · 18/07/2015 20:52

OP, there are annoying people wherever you go. Some are loud children, some are overly (to me) laissez faire parents, some are old couples,some are young groups of singles. Trouble is, if you're going to use public spaces you are going to encounter people sooner or later who annoy you. You might annoy them too.

odyssey2001 · 18/07/2015 20:53

Laurie, as parents though, we should be prepared to sacrifice our sanity for the sanity of others. Think about the other people around you who also may be having a really hard time who want five minutes peace and quiet that you are prepared to shatter so that you can get yours. Selfishness is never an excuse for laziness.

Wideopenspace · 18/07/2015 20:55

Laurie are we now saying that anyone with less than 2 children is not qualified to comment?

maybebabybee · 18/07/2015 20:56

I just think fair enough if you're happy to let your kids run riot and stomp food into the floor and shout and scream without wanting to do anything about it - fine. That's your look out and they're your kids. But don't then get outraged when other people have the audacity to get annoyed by that. They're allowed to.

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/07/2015 20:59

Laurie that is a prime example of selfish behaviour. If you want five minutes peace then bung them in front of the TV or out in the garden. You don't inflict their terrible behaviour on others, especially in a relatively adult environment.

usualsuspect333 · 18/07/2015 21:02

Everyone thinks they are great at parenting and everyone else is crap.

People think it about you too.

LaurieMarlow · 18/07/2015 21:02

No Odyssey of course not. But there are occasional lapses, right? Not because we're trying to be selfish arses, but because we have reached the end of our bloody tether.

I sympathise with the OP in a way, because I too thought parenting was going to be easy. I couldn't understand before having my dc how the daily grind would get you down. So I'm infinitely more forgiving of struggling to cope mums than I was.

Wideopenspace · 18/07/2015 21:04

I don't think that usual

But I do think being considerate is important.

Kayden · 18/07/2015 21:05

"Everyone thinks they are great at parenting and everyone else is crap."

Oh I dunno, I reckon I'm average at best. Grin

Original poster
grumpasaur · 18/07/2015 21:05

Exactly to the recent posters- thank you!

The reality is that you don't know anything about anyone. For example I was taking a day of TOIL because I have been working my arse of lately and am tired, stressed, and a bit down.

I don't have a lot of money but chose to spend £10 on a sandwich and coffee as a treat for myself- in a cafe that is very clearly not selling itself as a family friendly environment.

My lunch was ruined and my money wasted because of these two families. I don't need to have a toddler or ten to know that when I saw the parents not paying attention to their kids, who were not behaving well, it was rude!

Why is my money / experience / time suddenly irrelevant because I don't have a child?!

OP posts:
usualsuspect333 · 18/07/2015 21:06

There are times in a parents life when you just do what you can to get through the day.

maybebabybee · 18/07/2015 21:07

Usual you are being incredibly defensive when the majority of posters here are being relatively level headed.

At the end of the day people do have a right to feel annoyed if their day out is ruined by children behaving badly - badly, not 'just being kids' - when parents make no attempt to control them. The kid I mentioned upthread is a good example. He kept running up to me and hitting me. If his mother had told him to stop I wouldn't have cared, even if he'd continued to do it. It's the fact she saw what he was doing, smiled indulgently at him and just turned away and carried on chatting. I don't see how that's ever going to be acceptable.

Wideopenspace · 18/07/2015 21:09

Yep, agreed usual - but if you need to just ignore the DC for a while, do it in a park. Or at home. Or in a softplay place. Or one of the many, many cafescomeplayspaces.