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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents need to start parenting?!

289 replies

grumpasaur · 17/07/2015 19:25

Dear Parents,

I understand that you love your children. I do. More often than not, I love your children too, and am happy to play with them and indulge their childish whims and imaginative fancies.

However, I do not understand why more and more, you are seemingly immune to the noise and disruption your children cause when you allow them to run rampant in predominantly adult spaces.

Kids make noise. I get that. Some kids make noise no matter how much you try to quiet them. However, you will get a significantly increased amount of support and understanding from me if I see you at least TRYING to keeping them quiet- again, in predominantly adult spaces.

When I see you calmly eating your sandwhich whilst your two twins run around the small café, talking loudly on the phone, screaming at each other, stomping their new shoes to show them off, and indeed even BEATING EACH OTHER UP, and I see you do nothing...well, I want to take your children, discipline them for you, and give you a proper telling off for being a shit-fuck of a parent. I want to give you a spanking and tell you to smarten the fuck up.

Parenting is hard. So I hear anyway. I chose not to have children because I do not wish, yet, to have to disrupt my life with the responsibilities of parenting.

May I calmly suggest that you respect my decision not to have kids just as I respect your decision to have yours. I'll help you as much as you need...really, I will, just ask my friends with children.

But seriously. This lazy parenting which impacts not only the way that your children are treated but also the way parents in general are perceived has got to stop. It's ridiculous, indulgent, irresponsible, and annoying as fuck.

Seriously. STOP IT.

Or go to soft play, where your kids can scream all they like and I am sip my coffee in peace, far far away.

OP posts:
answersonapostcardplease · 18/07/2015 21:48

Odfod

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/07/2015 21:48

Perfect parents? My goodness, if not letting your child rampage around a cafe if the making of a perfect parent then there is something seriously wrong with society.

Wideopenspace · 18/07/2015 21:49

usual I am fascinated to know who you think is being smugperfectparent. Can you provide a list?

pictish · 18/07/2015 21:49

Really...I'm not looking for a shit sling, so argue amongst yourselves if you like. I have stated my opinion on the OP and her open letter and that's it.

stayanotherday · 18/07/2015 21:49

I don't want them to fall and cry that's all.

Wideopenspace · 18/07/2015 21:50

answers which dear do you want to FO? Grin

maybebabybee · 18/07/2015 21:50

People are talking to usual, Pictish. All I did was point out that you implying only childless people would agree with the OP was incorrect.

almondcakes · 18/07/2015 21:53

Well I am torn on this one.

On the one hand, I do find it really irritating when children are allowed to run around in cafes.

On the other hand, I hate it when people who don't have kids think this means they get to opt out of having to interact with people of all ages, as if their life is some kind of extended club 18-30 holiday which children, young teens, uncool middle aged people, pensioners or whoever else they don't like should tiptoe around the edges of.

So yes OP, parents should not allow children to run around in cafes or do other dangerous things.

But no OP, you don't have some kind of right to spend ten quid on lunch and then expect an adult free environment. This isn't because you don't matter as you put it. It's just because children are a thing that exist in society and therefore may appear at pretty much any moment in public places.

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/07/2015 21:55

But almond the OP was talking about extreme behaviour from these children, she didn't expect child free, she expected decently behaved children or at least parents attempting to keep them under control.

revealall · 18/07/2015 21:56

It's a numbers game.
In my day taking the children out to a restaurant was an occasion. They behaved because it was unusual and it was obvious it wasn't about them.

Now every child including mine get taken to McDonalds, cafes , restaurants, pubs etc all the time. It's just how we live now. So pretty much they behave like children because it's their time as much as adult space. If it's the third time in as many days they've been required to sit still in a chair for two hours and do colouring ot's not rocket science to think this won't engage them.
I have a well behaved child ( no running around) but he and his friends are very used to eating out. They know the score and get loud after an hour or want attention or the alternative of a screen.
Nothing to do with parenting but more to do with many more children out and about in adult spaces.

downgraded · 18/07/2015 21:58

You've said it yourself morethan - you were a SAHM with no other children that you needed to consider.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 18/07/2015 22:00

I don't find anything described in the OP more annoying than over-expressive, smug-as-shit open letters.

Wideopenspace · 18/07/2015 22:00
paddlenorapaddle · 18/07/2015 22:02

haha who died and made you the centre of the universe !

youarekiddingme · 18/07/2015 22:04

Yanbu.

I say that as a parent of a child with hidden disabilities.

I say that as a parent of a child whom I want accepted in society and to learn to live within society.

But I totally agree that where there does need to be tolerance there also needs to be an expectation to adhere to societies rules.

Parks, open spaces, playgrounds etc are places to run around and scream. (I hate screaming but accept it).
Shops, cafes, restaurants, libraries, waiting rooms etc are not places for running a round and screaming. Yes, children will do this here - my DS included. Yes, if I see a parent doing their best to sort it out I'm empathetic.

But when I'm walking through a coffee shop carrying hot coffee I do not think it acceptable that I'm dodging children running around.

almondcakes · 18/07/2015 22:15

Twinkie, kids poking food other people are going to eat, and throwing food on the floor etc while the parents ignore it are potentially irritating to anyone.

To interpret the parents' behaviour, as the OP has done, as disrespecting her choice not to have children or treating people who don't have children as if they don't matter is bizarre.

It is no more disrespectful of her than it is of people who have kids.

larant · 18/07/2015 22:35

reveaall - We are not all as well off as you. For some people eating out is still a treat.

JassyRadlett · 18/07/2015 22:36

Nope. I think she's one of those tutting huffing people who make parents lives harder.

I don't know, my life as a parent is made harder by other parents who let their kids run riot without trying to control them than by 'tutting huffing people'. I've encountered more of the former than the latter.

TwinkieTwinkle · 18/07/2015 23:01

Let's face it. The people who let their kids run around, causing chaos, are more annoying than people who are irritated by those kind of parents. Gah! I just hate people sometimes!

FanOfHermione · 19/07/2015 07:56

Can the posters who think that the OP is just an annoying person who doesn't children therefore has no idea how hard it is to parent explain me something?
Why us that it that some many other posters, incl myself, who DO have children agree with her?

I can only see three reasons
1- actually the OP has a point and the fact she isn't a mum had nothing to do with it some behaviours are just unacceptable.
2- the posters who are claiming that she isn't 'allowed' to comment are the ones who would let their dcs do that
3- says posters are so insecure about their own parenting that anyone making any comment about behaviour that might Be applying to them is sending them into a frenzy.

OP the behaviours you describe are just not acceptable. I recognise that I can be judgey if the way some parents parent their dcs and that some people would disagree with my view (fair enough) but not doing anything at all is just not on.

Yarp · 19/07/2015 08:06

I agree Fan

Alconleigh · 19/07/2015 08:35

In the trenches Laurie? Are you Liz Hurley?!

mollysmummy1970 · 19/07/2015 08:42

God help you when you have children of your own. You will look back at this thread and cringe.

bigbuttons · 19/07/2015 09:12

Thought I'd read the Op and then read the last couple of comments to see which way this thread has gone.
Actually OP I agree with you. There are far too many indulged children around. I see what you see on a daily basis and it annoys the hell out of me too.
I have 6 of my own btw and have always been aware of their impact on member of the public. I would have found it unthinkable to have let them run round a restaurant screaming9 no they are old enough never to do that), infact the only place I would have let them run round screaming was a park/playground/other place designed for kids to let off steam.
I hate having to put up with other's indulged darlings.

PurpleDaisies · 19/07/2015 09:14

God help you when you have children of your own. You will look back at this thread and cringe.

How do your children behave in cafes?