To think parents need to start parenting?!

[grumpasaur]

Dear Parents,

I understand that you love your children. I do. More often than not, I love your children too, and am happy to play with them and indulge their childish whims and imaginative fancies.

However, I do not understand why more and more, you are seemingly immune to the noise and disruption your children cause when you allow them to run rampant in predominantly adult spaces.

Kids make noise. I get that. Some kids make noise no matter how much you try to quiet them. However, you will get a significantly increased amount of support and understanding from me if I see you at least TRYING to keeping them quiet- again, in predominantly adult spaces.

When I see you calmly eating your sandwhich whilst your two twins run around the small café, talking loudly on the phone, screaming at each other, stomping their new shoes to show them off, and indeed even BEATING EACH OTHER UP, and I see you do nothing...well, I want to take your children, discipline them for you, and give you a proper telling off for being a shit-fuck of a parent. I want to give you a spanking and tell you to smarten the fuck up.

Parenting is hard. So I hear anyway. I chose not to have children because I do not wish, yet, to have to disrupt my life with the responsibilities of parenting.

May I calmly suggest that you respect my decision not to have kids just as I respect your decision to have yours. I'll help you as much as you need...really, I will, just ask my friends with children.

But seriously. This lazy parenting which impacts not only the way that your children are treated but also the way parents in general are perceived has got to stop. It's ridiculous, indulgent, irresponsible, and annoying as fuck.

Seriously. STOP IT.

Or go to soft play, where your kids can scream all they like and I am sip my coffee in peace, far far away.

Posted too early there... If you're letting them run riot you're doing them and everyone else a disservice. To suggest that only parents know how to deal with children is daft.

Good question. Yes, how do your children behave in cafes molly. Mine have NEVER behaved like that and if they had I'd have taken them out immediately. Allowing your kids to behave like that in a cafe is crap parenting. It just is.

He sits there fine. But kids can have off days too, it doesn't mean your a shit parent.

He sits there fine. But kids can have off days too, it doesn't mean your a shit parent.

Which the OP (and the numerous parents who've agreed) has agreed happens. Her point is about what the parent does in reaction to the bad behaviour/off day.

That's the bit that matters, and that's the bit that pisses a lot of people (including gasp other parents) off.

That's fine then.

The OP has been pretty clear this is about responsible parenting not child hating. I work as a vet and that means when someone comes into my consulting room I am legally responsible for their health and safety.

So when you drop your dog's lead and sit on the chair leaving me to restrain and examine your dog whilst ensuring your child doesn't lick the consult room table/stick their finger in the sharps bin/root through cupboards of drugs or explore the clinical waste bin I do tend to feel a tad resentful about lax parenting. Because if your child is injured it becomes my responsibility.
Ditto if your child is bitten because it's 'fun' to poke sick or injured patients in the waiting room.

Of course there are responsible parents out there. But in my experience and in a professional context, the irresponsible ones who risk injury to their children seem to be more prevalent.

But as I don't have children myself, I guess my viewpoint makes me a selfish, judgemental child-hater and really I should just suck it up and accept that it's my role to be sympathetic to people who inflict their unsupervised DC on me.

Sorry, i took a break from this thread yesterday as I was getting tired of repeating myself...

Sunshine- exactly!!! That is exactly it. You put it so much better than I did- thank you!

Molly- could you please read the thread? I have said multiple times now that I GET that children have off days. I KNOW that. I am talking about how parents choose to respond (or in this case, choose NOT to respond), which impacts their children and everyone around them in a negative, intrusive manner.

Almond cakes- actually, you are right. In that situation it wasn't just me who was affected, it was everyone around, in particular the people working at the cafe.

So yes, you're quite right- it's an issue that doesn't really have a bearing on my decision to have or not to have kids either way.

It's just rude!

However- almond-

Saying that I live my life like it should be an 18-30's holiday is quite frankly an inaccurate and offensive assumption!

You don't know anything about me, my work, my friendship circles, or what my day to day life involves.

Just because I think parents should be responsible for their children in public, adult spaces does NOT mean I am incapable of normal social relationships with a variety of people.

I agree with your point about it not being about their disrespect for my decision not to have kids but your first post is just rude. And wrong. Really, really wrong.

Also, I wasn't spending £10 on lunch and expecting a child-free environment.

I was spending £10 on lunch and expecting the children who were there to be supervised!

Op, you are in the right. Please don't feel the need to defend ourself. Any rational, considerate person can see you're in the right.

I'd give up if I were you OP.

Go and join your 18-30 friends drinking cider, poolside

Yanbu OP. I'm currently 6 months pg with my first dc. I'm also 40. I'm hoping that I've seen enough of other people's mistakes to make sure that I don't come out of childbirth with the dreaded parental lobotomy that most parents seem to receive when they have a child which makes them think that everything, everywhere and everyone is am indulgence for their pfb/subsequent children. I'm lucky that I have good friends, with and without children that I know will tell me if I'm being a twat.

I don't think it is most parents. Most parents I see are doing a good job with their children. You also have to realise that what works for one child won't work for another. I have to repeat myself calmly over and over again with my son till eventually he learns the expected behaviour.

Shut the F up!!! You don't have children, so you know nothing. You're too selfish to have children, that comes across quite clearly in your post, children will "disrupt" your oh so perfect life, well you know what?....don't bloody habe them then but don't you dare look down your snotty nose at us self less parents who have children and noisy children at that.

I'm a parent and I totally agree with everything she's said. I'm certainly not selfless and yes, I'm snotty and bloody judgemental towards ADULTS who are not even trying to supervise a CHILD.

I don't think it is unreasonable of anyone to expect a bit of peace and quiet sometimes, but why should the needs of parents always trump that of the non-parents?

To the pp who said that childfree people spend their lives on some kind of 18-30 holiday - I think you'll find, if you bothered talking to them like a human being, that they are probably just sick to death of being treated like second class citizens because they have not reproduced and told several times a day that they don't understand this, that or the other until they have children of their own.

Most parents I see are doing a good job with their children.

I think this too. And then I see threads like this where I see people making sweeping statements about how far too many parents are too indulgent, and seem to have had a lobotomy (nice!) and I wonder if maybe my standards are just too low.

Don't get me wrong, I've marched out of restaurants with screeching children under my arm, and sat in the car park in the rain until they've calmed down many times. I wouldn't tolerate stamping on food or shouting. But in my experience, neither would most parents.

Here Here Zeezeek

I am a parent of two grown up children one of whom had ADHD. I avoided quiet nice coffee shops like the plague until his behaviour sufficiently developed. I did not consider I had the "right" to foist the unpredictable and noisy behaviour of my son on all and sundry.

Some children will always be noisy and unpredictable, even in adulthood. As long as they sre being properly supervised you cannot expect them to stay out of places they get some enjoyment out of or prefer.

I have 3 kids and they all know how to behave and have been disciplined when needed so that their behaviour does not impact on others. Some parents are oblivious to their DCs bad behaviour and don't like it being pointed out.
Last time we went to the cinema a preschooler was sat behind me kicking the back of my chair about every 20 seconds. After 5 minutes I turned round, smiled, made eye contact with the mother and said very nicely 'please can you stop kicking my chair'

well, the mother TOTALLY overreacted. Huffing and puffing and moving her DC and their array of drinks and snacks along the row while muttering about 'some people'
so instead of calmly asking her child to be more considerate, she had a strop herself! so how does the kid learn it is not OK to sit kicking the person in front?

obviously I was BVU and should have sat for the entire film being kicked in the back because 'shes only a child' [Grr!]

Which is what everyone is saying, Sasine: that children should be properly supervised. Which means that if they are "a bit unpredictable" the parent doesn't let them run around a busy coffee shop and doesn't ignore them stamping good into the floor.
Noise is fine in a park. It's not fine in a coffee shop. Part of parenting is teaching children how to behave in different situations. How are the children supposed to learn if the parents just ignore the fact their DC are shouting? Unless you think it is fine for the other people in the shop to tell them to sit down and be quiet? Why should the others have to put up with noisy, badly behaved children whose parents can't be bothered to interact positively with their DC?

Sasine? Should have been zazzie.

Haven't read the whole thread, but I agree with the OP.

We have never allowed ours to behave like this in cafe or a restaurant, therefore they don't think to. The only time I've had problems is when we've been out for a meal with a friend who let's her three run riot while smiling indulgently on - oblivious to the eye rolls and glaring. I just don't go out to eat with them any longer, because her kids behaving badly makes my DC think they can do the same.

Noisy does not mean badly behaved. Not for some children. Disabled children and adults are also allowed to be in public places Lavender Leigh.

Noise is one thing, running about and fighting is quite another. Are people really saying they would let their kids do this and that it's acceptable behaviour?

Of course children are badly behaved from time to time, the point is - what do you do about it? Ignore, or discipline and remove them from the situation.

zazzie neither the OP, nor anyone who has agreed with the OP have said that disabled children or adults should not be allowed in public places. Or, incidentally, that noise is unacceptable.

OR that noise necessarily equates to bad behaviour....