Parents who tell other people's kids to "be careful"

[PurpleSweets]

At playgrounds, parent/toddler groups or various events there always seems to be someone who insists on constantly shouting "be careful" at every opportunity.

I'm watching what my kids doing and have assessed the risks of whatever is happening I get incredibly annoyed when some random woman starts telling my child to be careful.

If I allow my son to splash in puddles, stand on rocks, go near stinging nettles etc. I don't expect other parents to try to over-rule my decision about what is or is not safe or deliberately try to provoke anxiety about minor risks.

Gosh BarbarianMum that was no way me! Like I said, I know people have good intentions I would never lecture someone for that.
Dd holds on and only wants to do it for a short while to make a point. If I tell her to stop she goes all tantrummy and is more determined to do it.
I keep a watchful eye on her, while she holds on until she's satisfied then she's calm for the rest of the shop.

YANBU This annoys me a bit too but I don't think it will turn your dc into anxious children when it's not constant and not coming from you. I am talking about people saying it while I am very much present with my child eg standing nearby while he's climbing etc. I know it's just automatic though and don't take offence as such.

I say it quite often as it just spills out my mouth before I've even thought about it. After, i think 'whoops over stepped the mark there'
But like i say, its spills out.

IMO quite a lot of people have high anxiety in playgrounds, and not all recognise it in themselves. discussed this with a fellow anxiety sufferer recently.

Some parents are under cautious though. BIL leaves power tools, nails etc., knives everywhere. Mt DD (8) and several friends were recently driven to a party after school in a 4x4 by her friend's mum and reported that the mum told to them to take their seatbelts off while the car was moving (B road) to get changed from school uniform into their party wear! She complied because she didn't like to disobey.

Sorry Zeta I obviously needed to get that off my chest and the phrase 'trolley surfing' set me off . I don't think we mean the same thing anyway. The little girl I saw was standing up in the 'bed' of one of those shallow trollies and trying to get it to move by shifting around - so nothing to hold on to. She literally was 'surfing' with it, only the floor isn't as soft as a wave .

When she's in a supermarket trolley she likes to try to 'surf' it by standing up in the seat but holding on too.

He was a cautious toddler

See, I think it's insanity like that ^ that makes other people a bit OTT or interfering.

There's not being a helicopter parent and then there's just being ridiculous.

A toddler anywhere near a road by himself and a child standing in a trolley is not ok. Not safe. Stupid, really. Why willingly have them in a dangerous situation?

I can't win.

'Be Careful' does annoy some parents.

Unfortunately, just minding my own children and taking no notice of theirs seems to annoy them too, judging by the irritated looks flung my way when some child closer to me than to the chatting/on phone parent has a mishap I've failed to prevent because I was looking after my own offspring.

"Careful" definitely annoyed one mum last summer.

I said that as I caught her 4ish year old by one arm and held him firmly whilst he wriggled and kicked. He started to scream (he had a better repertoire of swear words than I do) and kick harder, I could only grip ever harder and hope his mum/someone/anyone arrived quickly.

She did, shouting and swearing at me, waving her arms around, asking for someone to "Get that fucking woman off my kid".

Oh, forgot to mention, I was stewarding our Open Day, wearing a Security tabard, and was holding her kid to prevent him from walking through the equine yard entrance as about 20 horses were trotting through into the arena for the main event. He was waving his arms and shouting "Horseys, horseys" which was, understandably, spooking a few of them.

Mum got even louder as they were escorted off the premises. Her baby boy loves horses, you see! He just wanted to see them. I'm not sure how much closer he could have got without getting squished. He'd have seen them from very close quarters if I hadn't grabbed him.

She wrote to the local paper to complain. But they ran the story from our perspective, though they did include a beautiful DM sad face of her and baby boy

I know it isn't the kind of thing you meant, OP. But sometimes inane words are all you have!

I suppose it depends on what the kid is doing.
I regularly have to tell the boys in my DS reception class at parties as a lot of parents drop and run, and they are a boisterous who get very out of hand very quickly.
I would not be best pleased if whilst playing superheroes my coffee was spilled on me or my bag stepped on etc, so I tell them to 'be careful'
Nothing wrong with that.

I say 'be careful' if there is a child near us/my child who I think is likely to impact on us at some point very soon, ie, they are a threat.

I don't want to tell them off but I have to say something. They normally look at me and carry on swinging their bat at ds's head or trying to fall on him.

If people prefer it I could say 'Oi stop it you little fecker' but somehow I think be careful wins that one

Yabu but because of posts similar I now cringe and make myself look away. I guess in years to come people will post questions like 'why did no one help or put up a warning sign'.

I've been on both ends of it. I tend to say it when I anticipate that a continuation of a behaviour will result in some kind of incident (tripping, bashing into someone...)

My children also receive it. Ds2 (2) recently had another mother wincing as he climbed into a playpen from a bench. I can understand her seeing the risk, but I have a better knowledge of his strength and capabilities, and he was lowering himself in with good control which she conceded that he did rather competently. He does tend to attract nervous reactions from others in his efforts to keep up with an older sibling, and I can usually judge when he's in his comfort zone or pushing his luck.

Ds1 naturally has much more caution. He's much happier staying within the realms of safety than pushing boundaries.

We used to go a weekly group, the parents were all of the thought that DCs could, and should be free to explore and that they had an inbuilt sense of what was too much so would never actually come to harm if you let them play unrestricted...they actively frowned on the 'be careful' sentiment.

It hurt my head tbh, now I hang out with more normal people. I witnessed quite a few hairy incidents where a 'be careful' or a 'be gentle' would have been helpful.

I have a few to look out for, I do my best but I have had the odd situation where a parent has guided my child a bit when I have been to far away, I think its quite nice.

I get incredibly annoyed with dog poo in the play area, or the word c*unt in graffiti on the climbing frame...peeople being nice, not so much.

If it's "be careful I don't want you to hit another child, or get wet from the puddle you jumped in" SAY that, "Don't hit", "please don't get me wet" Do not say "be careful", as neither of the actions are a result of a lack of care by the child.

I don't actually hear it said much by people to kids other than their own charges although when it is, it's said invariably to girls, boys are allowed much more leeway.

On the park last week, young girl was climbing up a tree, it was fairly young and the branches were snapping. I was sat to the back of her and could see a sharp broken branch near her backside. I uttered the words "be careful" for her mother to tell me that if she got stuck up there and tore her clothes it was her own fault.

Fair enough, but I was more concerned about her tearing another area of her body which her mother could not see as she was stood to the front. I think most people mean well and they are not "over-ruling" you personally.

Why would you say "be careful" though ElsieMc why not say, That branch behind you is breaking it's going to tear your clothes. One is a sensible warning, the other gives no information at all, and it could just be you're someone who doesn't like girls climbing.

YABVU. What about the split second when your head is turned and you haven't seen the danger? Perhaps you might be grateful then? I'm happy for a well meaning stranger to intervene if it adds to the safety of my child.

But maybe you are such an amazing parent that you never ever get distracted even for a moment?

Because even small children understand ve careful. Its short hand and most of the time it is obvious what you are saying be careful about.
Why would you go into long explanations whwn there is a nice shorthand phrase

yanbu, agree that it's often used to girls. If it's potentially dangerous as a grown up you've obviously risk assessed it and come up with your number one threat. It's not helpful to say to a grown up or a child be careful it's selfish and slightly cowardly. You may feel you've obsolved yourself of guilt or responsibility but you need to be direct.
So say, no/stop/slow down followed by there's a rabid bear/broken glass/hidden drop don't leave the two year old/twenty year old to run through all the possibilities. If you generally think it's an issue say so. If your merely transferring your fears, keep quiet .

Be careful is as much use as my mum saying 'don't fall' when I'm at the playground/working at the circus/climbing a lighthouse to fix a lightening conductor. And she rarely ever said it to my brother or the grandsons.

It's micromanaging the children, careful, careful, careful.. Thank goodness I wasn't micromanaged as a child, I bet the parents using this phrase fill out a risk assessment before the children get out of bed...

Just let the little blighters play and if they fall or bump there heads or cut themselves it's hardly the end of the world..

If their parent has dropped them off and isn't present, that's different. If my child was about to have an actual accident (rather than an adult just thinking they might be about to fall when they're perfectly safe), or hurt someone else then I'd tell them myself.

I don't subscribe to the "village" approach. They're our children and we're raising them, nobody else.

I think it's automatic-much like the 'soccer mom save' I've been known to do to my 29 year old son- ie sticking my arm out in front of him to stop him stepping into the road when a car is coming. Possibly annoying but nothing more.

If I'm right there watching them then it irks me if someone tells them to be careful and glares at me. My eldest is really good at climbing. I let her find her own level and I spot her. If I knew she couldn't do it I wouldn't be standing watching her. So its a bit annoying.

It's sad that we have come so far from a sense of community that other people caring about what happens to our children is thought of as 'a bad thing'. Someone saying 'be careful' to your child will not damage them for life, but it might just cause them to think twice before they do that potentially risky thing they were about to do, and so prevent an accident. Another scenario: child takes a risky move on a climbing frame, falls off, breaks arm, lots of pain, arm in cast. Parent says 'It's the council's fault for having that dangerous climbing frame there.' Sues the council. Council takes frame away. Lose-lose. If only some caring person had made the child stop and think before making that risky move!