Parents who tell other people's kids to "be careful"

[PurpleSweets]

At playgrounds, parent/toddler groups or various events there always seems to be someone who insists on constantly shouting "be careful" at every opportunity.

I'm watching what my kids doing and have assessed the risks of whatever is happening I get incredibly annoyed when some random woman starts telling my child to be careful.

If I allow my son to splash in puddles, stand on rocks, go near stinging nettles etc. I don't expect other parents to try to over-rule my decision about what is or is not safe or deliberately try to provoke anxiety about minor risks.

I was at a soft play / toddler gym the other day with 3 1 year olds. I had to tell 2 4 year olds to be careful as they were using the soft play equipment to hit each other right next to the toddlers - their mothers who weren't watching then asked what the problem was and I said the children were hitting and throwing the equipment big pieces if soft play and that I didn't want the little ones hurt. Apparently "they were best friends; and just playing" the 3 year olds are also best friends yet I don't want them getting hurt by a 4 year old behaving inapinappropriately.

I too let my toddlers play without being a helicopter parent - they climb gym equipment (metal bars) they run across a busy playground asked as long as I can see them I'm happy. However I intervene if I think another child will get hurt and am always aware of what's going on even when I'm having a chat with another parent etc

Offers a grip

If I say "careful" to somebody else's kid it is usually because they are about to land on/ throw sand in the eyes of / bowl or knock over etc. another child (mine or a 3rd party) not because I don't think their parent has risk assessed for them.

It's an automatic reaction and means all sorts of things but not usually "careful you don't hurt yourself " more often it's intended to gently remind them there are adults watching/ to pay attention to smaller kids nearby etc. It gives them a milliseconds pause to decide to go in a slightly different direction/ not chuck the sand or whatever and is less accusatory than "oy!" Orother possibilities. ..

I'd only tell a child to be careful if they were showing off to me (which does happen) and a response was needed - usually an inane comment admiring their climbing/ swinging skill but occassionally when they look about to break a limb/ neck "careful!" with a smile seems better!

I don't helicopter but in some circumstances whensupervising a smaller sibling in a bigger playground or just generally hanging about its natural to interact, eespecially when a kid says to you "look what I can do!" :o Or is about to hurt other kids whether intentionally or not.

YABU
There were 3 out of school clubs at the park when we arrived yesterday. My choice was stand over my 3 year old protecting her every move and completely stifling her or trusting that there were enough responsible eyes and ears around so that all 100 or so DC of different ages could mix in and have a ball.

Since when did community collapse to the extent that we all have to be exclusively responsible for our own precious darlings 100% of the time?

My dd gets that a lot. She's very agile, climbs and jumps a lot. When she's in a supermarket trolley she likes to try to 'surf' it by standing up in the seat but holding on too.
I'm used to it but the amount of hysterical people who come running up to me in the supermarket to tell her to sit down or be careful or to point out to me what she's doing does irritate me because they act like I'm clueless.
I don't say anything rude though. I just agree with them.
I know they're doing it because they're worried for her.

Frankly, having had a child who was highly prone to randomly risky impulsive behaviour, I was grateful for all the help I could get. Though tbh 'be careful' wouldn't really have cut it, it was more about catching and wrestling her as she raced towards the main road, or hared up the climbing frame to jump from 6ft up.

If a child is doing something that is obviously likely to end in injury to themselves or someone else, then intervening is fine. If they're just getting dirty and making a mess, then leave them to it. Weedily muttering, 'be careful' is neither one nor t'other, really.

Though I did restrain myself a few weeks ago on a girls' night out from telling my friend to 'be careful' with her wine glass, which was quite close to the edge of the table. Two minutes later she knocked the glass over and broke it.

There's a moral in there somewhere.

That should be "I'd only tell a child to be careful on their own account (rather than for the sake of others) if they were already talking to me...

NurNochKurz - I LOVE your username.

Pink if you really think children are very good at assessing danger you are in for a very very big shock one day and I hope for your sake it's not fatal.

Never heard such a ridiculous statement in my life.

Zeta there are specific notices on trollies to ask parents to not let children do this and so they absolve any responsibility in the event of an accident. What your dd is doing is very risky and could end in a serious head injury, supermarket floors are bloody hard.

Do you not think people might be right here? And you shouldn't allow your dd to do this.

I agree saying "be careful" all the time is often all about the speaker - almost a form of subconscious "arse covering" ... but it has its place, to give the hearer that split second ' s pause for thought or remind them they are "seen" if they look about to push/ knock over/ throw stuff at another child without accusing them of anything.

I'm afraid it's a natural instinct. I'm not telling the child to stop but to actually be careful. As MrsD said, young children have no ability to accurately assess risk.

Thank you No134 - mundanely it was the title of DD's favourite song at the time I chose it, rather than a reflection of my speedy world saving intentions :o

It's an involuntary response. Or at least it should be.
You are being a bit silly about something inconsequential. I wonder if it annoys you because you dislike anything that implies criticism.

^^
This.
I think people can say careful in a light, conversational tone if they see a child doing something that requires care, such as balancing, climbing etc. Perhaps it feels like criticism, but smiling and nodding might wash the feeling away.

I do this, because invariably the parent is nowhere near and I think the child is at risk in some way.

I'm not going to let a child get smacked in the face by a swing or whatever and I couldn't care less if that irritates their negligent parent

I agree gingham.

YANBU, it undermines children's confidence and it's none of anyone else's business. It annoys me too.

I tend to use it when a child isn't paying attention/getting a bit overexcited and poses a risk to my child (or indeed smaller vulnerable ones in the vicinity). I figured that a "be careful" said in a smiley way is certainly better than having a go at someone else's child (god knows what the OP would think of that!).

Zeta are you the woman who gave me a lecture on children knowing their limits in the supermarket for telling her dd to 'be careful' when tolley surfing? You'll remember if you were, cause it was halfway through said lecture that your little girl fell and split her head open. I helped staunch the bleeding whilst they called an ambulance, remember?

Anyway, if it is you, I hope she's OK and you've learnt to be a bit more careful.

And also, other people butting in to help my children or do something for them when I'm deliberately choosing to let them be independent.

How can it be none of anyone else's business when a child is about to have an accident/hurt another child?

children are good at assessing danger

Absolutely, especially 3-5 year olds, I find their expertise in assessing danger is exemplary.

OP YABU and a tad histrionic "incredibly annoyed". Really?

The op isnt talking about hitting other peoples kids, or standing on the edge of 50 foot drops, she is talking about climbing a small rock or jumping in puddles.
One parent round us told her child to be careful at every single kerb.
It is Irritating.

Lol at undermining children's confidence .

Is jumping in puddles a dangerous activity?