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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents who tell other people's kids to "be careful"

180 replies

PurpleSweets · 17/07/2015 00:29

At playgrounds, parent/toddler groups or various events there always seems to be someone who insists on constantly shouting "be careful" at every opportunity.

I'm watching what my kids doing and have assessed the risks of whatever is happening I get incredibly annoyed when some random woman starts telling my child to be careful.

If I allow my son to splash in puddles, stand on rocks, go near stinging nettles etc. I don't expect other parents to try to over-rule my decision about what is or is not safe or deliberately try to provoke anxiety about minor risks.

OP posts:
Pinkcloud6 · 17/07/2015 07:31

I'm with you op. We have grand parents that do this all the time.

Every single time I told them we don't say be careful, children are very good at assessing danger. ( obviously not if walking on the road) if your just running across the room you don't need to be told to be careful it's rediculous.

MythicalKings · 17/07/2015 07:34

YABU for all the reasons given.

ptumbi · 17/07/2015 07:38

children are very good at assessing danger - Really? Hmm

Wideopenspace · 17/07/2015 07:43

Small children are NOT good at assessing danger! Really, they aren't. Assessing danger is about using your experience, quickly, to decide if a situation is overly risky. Small children don't have much experience (because they haven't been around long). That's why they live with adults.
Oh, and OP, YABU. It takes a village....

MavisG · 17/07/2015 07:52

Yanbu. Adults often say this to alleviate their own feelings, or it's 'just something to say' according to a pp - really?? Our children get so little freedom these days, adults always around, the least we can do is to try harder not to interrupt them with invasive drivel at every sodding opportunity.

If your child is poor at judging danger it's probable that you have been doing this hovering over-parenting at them since they could move off their cushioned playmat. Stop it. Wean yourself off it and let the poor wean learn in the playground how to judge risk instead of having to figure it out for the first time at 12 or whenever.

thatsshallot · 17/07/2015 07:53

I have to say I agree with OP to some extent. Having been brought up my a worrier and thus being one myself I am desperate to not pass this onto my kids as its a huge burden.
I may not say be careful out loud but you can bet I'm biting my tongue stopping myself.

There are always times of immediate danger when yes it is appropriate but often it's just a difference in opinion.

So YANBU

aderynlas · 17/07/2015 07:56

Be careful was the first thing i said to the little boy running around the splash park this week. Its fine for little five year olds to learn and explore but not when they are crashing into the smaller children.

SomethingFunny · 17/07/2015 07:59

Be careful does serve a purpose though- it reminds the child they are doing something potentially dangerous and therefore to pay attention to what they are doing and be careful doing it.

It is also an involuntary response to a situation that you see a child in that is potentially dangerous/ has been dangerous (ie they have hurt your child with their actions).

Although I do agree with you about other parents undermining your parenting decisions. For example, my son kept going down a slide and bumping himself and coming off the bottom crying. He was fine though and wanted another go. I was happy for him to have another go in the hope that he would go down without bumping himself, and had explained to him how to achieve this, and so we could then leave the slide with him having a happy memory of it. Another parent came over to him at the bottom of the slide and told me "I think that had better be the last go". Shock

Sparklingbrook · 17/07/2015 08:01

Just let other peoples' children hurt and half kill themselves. It's not hard.

RabbitSaysWoof · 17/07/2015 08:04

I dont get incredibly annoyed but this does irritate me too, specially the examples you give puddle splashing, balancing on rocks it is irritating when someone over parents your child.
I say back to my child in an equally loud voice "no your okay, carry on" fwiw I haven't needed to visit a&e yet with a child and I was a nanny for 14 years before dc.
I'm quite excited cos I'm a geek about the new initiatives in schools and nurseries now where dc can experience more challenging play with large construction materials, it's been recognised that we may be a bit 'too safe' to the point alot of dc are not learning to risk assess.

redfairy · 17/07/2015 08:05

OP Do you think another person advising your child to be careful is somehow criticising your parenting? Your post sounds very defensive.
YABU for being anything more than mildly irritated.

RubySparks · 17/07/2015 08:09

YABU - some parents can't assess risk well - two children at the airport last week playing on the luggage carousel in front of their parents and a large sign telling parents they must ensure children are kept away from it!

Sparklingbrook · 17/07/2015 08:11

If you are at a park and you happen to see a child potentially about to have an accident you say something.
How would you feel if the child went on to have the accident while you watched?
In a place like a park you don't know which child is with which parent and that they are being supervised etc.

Thankfully mine are teens now, and can make their own risk assessments but even that isn't without it's problems....

Pagwatch · 17/07/2015 08:11

It's an involuntary response. Or at least it should be.
You are being a bit silly about something inconsequential. I wonder if it annoys you because you dislike anything that implies criticism. You should get over that really, if only to stop being one of those women who glare at you if you hand them something their child dropped.
They are awful.

Pagwatch · 17/07/2015 08:15

Ruby - I had a similar experience last time I flew except the parents watched as their child climbed on a carousel which was stationary. He then ran up the slope at the back of the raised central bit and was standing by the straight drop. Then the warning alarm that it was about to start went off.
It was a 'pick your injury' moment.

MrsDeVere · 17/07/2015 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RabbitSaysWoof · 17/07/2015 08:20

To be fair to the op tho she is talking about carefree pottering in a park, not a road, knife or baggage carousel in sight. Just ordinary play without panic.

Sparklingbrook · 17/07/2015 08:23

OP refers to 'playgrounds'. They aren't safe places without adequate supervision and it's not always obvious who is supervising the children.

When my two were little many parents would just perch on a bench with a coffee and a book for the afternoon oblivious to anything their child did.

LadyPlumpington · 17/07/2015 08:31

I got lectured at a rhymetime for doing this once. I was chatting to a mum of 2 (toddler and baby) whilst corralling my 2 toddlers - we were sitting and waiting for the singing to start, in a crowded room. Another toddler dived across and very nearly wiped out my friend's baby; I shouted 'No!' as a sort of panicked reflex. Note that I don't think it sounded aggressive, more of a knee-jerk response.

The mum of the toddler (who also had a baby) lectured me for 5 minutes at the end of the session about how inappropriate it was for me to speak to her son in that way. I'm still quite proud of myself for just nodding and saying 'Right' in a neutral tone while she talked; I think in the end she was quite annoying that I hadn't apologised.

I'm not f*ing apologising for telling a child to be careful if he/she is putting others at risk. Sod that.

I think YABU op, unless the other parent gave you a lecture on your parenting whilst they were about it.

MrsDeVere · 17/07/2015 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JassyRadlett · 17/07/2015 08:49

You seem to forget, OP, that your kids don't exist in a bubble. Their behaviour may be within the risk profile you find acceptable, but in taking that risk they may be creating an equal or greater hazard to other children that their parents aren't comfortable with.

Passmethecrisps · 17/07/2015 08:53

I have a child who likes to climb, bounce, balance and generally put herself at risk. When I am with her I let her take risks and can generally step in before she does herself some damage. This makes other people nervous and I completely understand this.

She was a very early walker so I got used to the winces, cries of 'be careful' and reflex steadying hands.

I smiled and chatted to them. Thanked them for their concern or commiserated about how anxiety inducing it is to watch toddling.

Almost everyone knows that a wee one stumbling or tripping is part of learning and is actually good for them but no one wants to see a child get hurt. It is instinctive.

It had never occurred to me to be annoyed about it.

ChwatFeechers · 17/07/2015 08:54

Fuck me daft! ''Be careful'' gets you incredibly annoyed.

Not an offer to go and see some puppies, just some concern that your child may possibly be in some immediate danger that you haven't noticed.

It wouldn't bother me if someone said it to my child, and I'll have no problem saying it to a child either.

SoupDragon · 17/07/2015 08:55

I agree. what bastards, showing care for an apparently unsupervised child.

Hellionsitem2 · 17/07/2015 08:58

Hilarious being cross at people showing consideration/care to your child