Parents who tell other people's kids to "be careful"

[PurpleSweets]

At playgrounds, parent/toddler groups or various events there always seems to be someone who insists on constantly shouting "be careful" at every opportunity.

I'm watching what my kids doing and have assessed the risks of whatever is happening I get incredibly annoyed when some random woman starts telling my child to be careful.

If I allow my son to splash in puddles, stand on rocks, go near stinging nettles etc. I don't expect other parents to try to over-rule my decision about what is or is not safe or deliberately try to provoke anxiety about minor risks.

I often berate gently remind a mass of children on the bouncy castle (it's party season here) to be careful. Everybody else's children are a bit scared of me and quiet down immediately, because they are 4 and know what I'm saying to them. My own precious darlings continue to be arses explore the limits of their independence and so I am usually very grateful when another friend steps in and orders them to can it

If someone is pursing their lips and looking disapproving at everything you do then yes it is annoying; however an occasional 'whoops a daisy' is not misplaced. I actually find it quite nice to think that other people are keeping a parental eye on my child (as I probably am on theirs) in any mixed play setting. It makes me feel like we're all helping each other and are a source of mutual support.

Is jumping in puddles a dangerous activity?

No but it may spray other people and people are probably meaning "be careful, I don't want to be soaked"

I know this isn't identical to the OP ' S playground scenario

but there is a ridiculous family living in our village who have the archetypal spoilt pfb they cannot say no to. They live in a small semi with a tiny garden but have bought their 7 yo a diesel motocross motorbike - and all the safety gear, meaning he's alright Jack... They let him ride it on the pavements because they have no suitable outdoor space, while they trail him riding on their scooters (as in motorcycle scooters not push along) on the road. Usually both parents and the boy go out like this together, going about 15 mph.

When I say "careful" when he stops at our gate to show off to my kids, I mean wtf are your idiot parents thinking, dont they know you're going to seriously injure a pedestrian whether you are protected in proper clothing or not, don't they care? Stop it. Go away. Go home careful of everyone else, I know his parents would bubble wrap him if they could but don't give a shit about anyone else beyond their usefulness if they can get them to play with their little horror darling.

Ah righ bruffin yes, that makes sense. i got the impression that the OP meant that it was a risky activity along with standing on rocks and playing in the stingers.

If 'undermining a child's confidence'involves preventing said child from sustaining a injury themselves or causing an injury to another child then yes afraid I would undermine.

Jumping in puddles is absolutely fine

There is a mid line between being a pain in the arse helecopter parent or the equally twattish who, eg, allow their kids to scoot at amazing rates on the pavement careering into elderly people (my frail dm) and generally causing mayhem to me while walking mindees to school.

I also detest those parents who constantly loose toddlers and allow 3 and 4 year olds to run ahead and run across the roads because they won't hold hands or wear reins

All these years I have replied well make them and if only I realised the children themselves were ok as they were good at assessing the danger they were in.

Fucking hell.

I would say yabu if there wasn't a woman on the school run who does this to my child.

He runs a little way ahead (within my sight) down a hill and hides behind a post box every day. It's a little ritual, I follow after him with DD and he jumps out to shout BOO! Every time this woman happens to be nearby she grabs hand (or tries to) and starts to fuss about him being near a road, casting me worried glances and telling him to be careful and hold her hand. He's known how to behave near a road since he was 2

It's a bit annoying but I'm sure she means well, which is why I don't say anything.

He's known how to behave near a road since he was 2

back at you. He was a very cautious toddler. They do exist.

As a PP mentioned earlier, could it be that your dc is very agile? (as well as the fact that, in my opinion, a lot of parents are over protective)

Ds has always been very good with his psicomotor skills and an early walker, etc. This coupled with the fact that he is short (which I think has something to do with his agility) and looks young for his age means I used to get this all the bloody time....

Although I completely understand that people mean well, and I didn't feel angry towards them or anything, it was extremely annoying having to get up for the 5th time in 10 minutes to explain to a concerned grandmother that yes, he can climb the climbing frame and has done so safely for the past 6 months...

Dd on the other hand is not agile or safe, therefore I don't even attempt to sit down when I take her to the park

Unfortunately, cautious toddlers can not be relied upon to remember how to behave next to a road if something catches their interest.

He was a very cautious toddler. They do exist.

You can teach your toddler road safety up to a point but the main issue is their reasoning skills are not developed enough to assess situations.

No indeed. Though at five I think I can trust him not to chase something shiny

I've just realised I've been guilty of doing this though. A small boy was climbing a 6ft gate, those metal ones with the sharp pointy tips. He was getting quite high and his mum was nowhere to be seen so I went and stood there until he came back down safely. He just looked at me like

Cautious toddlers usually are unaware of the dire consequences if you run out into the road

If your child is poor at judging danger it's probable that you have been doing this hovering over-parenting at them since they could move off their cushioned playmat

That is just daft - of course you need to let children play, explore and take some risk, but children just don't have the cognitive nouse to understand that, running in front of the swing = getting kicked in the head, or running into road to get ball = getting knocked down by car.

I have heard a similar thing from parents who had a swimming pool, with no fence, about how their child had grown up with the pool and understood the dangers, and how to behave safely around pools. Very sadly, he didn't.

My friend believes that good parenting is allowing children to discover their own safety boundaries
3 times head injury in hospital by age 3 as he discovered falling down a flight of stairs etc
I cannot bear to be around them anymore

Yabu in some cases

A small boy was climbing a 6ft gate, those metal ones with the sharp pointy tips. He was getting quite high and his mum was nowhere to be seen so I went and stood there until he came back down safely.

You did the right thing...that could have ended really badly. There's a world of difference between that and jumping in puddles!

No 2 year old knows how to behave near a road enough to be safe. Bonkers statement.

Ronald they are simply neglectful really aren't they.

You just hope their stupidity doesn't end in tragedy for their children or other people's.

I've been known to say this to other people's children, usually who are somehow distantly related to me and usually when they are (to my eyes at least) starting to put my baby at risk, so climbing on her, poking her face, footballs to the pram etc. I don't care at all what their parents think about it, my child is my priority and when they're putting others at risk then I think it's fair to intervene. Would say anything if they were off doing some potentially risky activity by themselves though!

Usually when people say 'be careful' it is a polite way of pointing out to the child and their parents, that the the child is being annoying or invading the personal space of the adult speaking or their child.

So jumping in puddles isn't likely to cause harm to the child jumping in them, but may wet a passer by, who prefers not to be wetted by an enthusiastic toddler.

It is a mild rebuke.

If I heard another adult say it to my child, I wouldn't feel annoyed or over-ruled, but would look to see what they were doing and if it their behaviour was affecting someone else, I would intervene to stop them. If I thought there was no issue, I would simply carry on.

I was brought up by helicopter parents and have anxiety and often struggle not to helicopter my DC. I manage this by avoiding playgrounds (DH is much more comfortable with risk so takes them) or going to ones we all know well.

I will speak to others' DC occasionally if carers aren't present and the DC are doing something that could IMO imminently hurt themselves or other DC.

I hate it in playgrounds when DC are (IMO) inadequately supervised, eg was at a pub recently, a toddler DC with his elder sibling (who was inattentive) was wobbling around on high things with big drops when parents were inside and out of sight.

Iv said it on a few occasions when children are in danger and don't seem to have a adult near them who could help prevent anything if they got in danger.

Yes yabu.

As toddlers my children's athletic ability outstripped their sense of self-preservation by some considerable margin so I suppose I have been guilty of assuming the same of others and have issued the odd 'be careful' at a random child in an effort to prevent an accident.

How anyone could be offended by me giving a shit about their child is beyond me.

Actually I agree about swings/roads, but who would say 'be careful' to a toddler in the path of a lorry or a swing - surely you'd move them?

I meant danger as in heights/gaps on climbing frames/balancing etc in playgrounds - situations where they're learning what their bodies can do. I have one cautious and one gung-ho kid and the cautious one takes it far too much to heart when someone says to be careful, & he doesn't need the intervention anyway, the other isn't really bothered but it can distract him. I don't want him distracted on the top of some perilous structure: I want him free to concentrate. I am usually at as big a distance as I can bear, trying not to look, so that I don't put him off.