...to be hurt by not being asked to be bridesmaid?

[BridesNayed]

I sort of know that I am. But I'm very upset (currently in 2ww so hoping some of this is early preg symptoms).

Friend A is getting married. For 20 years (since start of high school) my friendship group has been a fivesome (including me). Friend A has asked B, C and D to be her bridesmaids (as well as sister and cousin) and not me. I know it's totally U to have any expectation of being a BM but I'm very hurt that she chose the other three and not me because in my eyes, we're all equal friends. If anything, A sees B and C a little bit more often because they live in the same city, but hasn't seen D for 6 months and told me last month that she wasn't that close to D at the moment since an extremely drunken argument between A and D at another wedding last autumn which resulted in D hitting A. I see her approx once a month because I am often in her city for work. I would say we are very close.

It's so stupid I know, but I can't help but reconsider the whole of our friendship. I'm absolutely gutted that she doesn't consider me a close enough friend compared to the others.

DH reckons I should ask her why she didn't pick me. I think this is a ridiculous idea because it's not about me. I know I can't say anything because it's her bride prerogative to have who she wants, but sucking it up and grinning is really hard and I just wanted to know if the general consensus was that these feelings are unreasonable or not.

I've recently experienced something similar. I'm not going to mention anything but have mentally decided to lower her present values by £15-20 per gift - that'll show her ;-)

Yes she has definitely briefed them not to say anything. Nice of her to creat such a divisive situation in an old friendship group. How can they not notice the elephant in the room. This woukd be a deakbreaker in the friendship, it confirms how she sees you as a friend. No I çoukd not bring it up as its not being talked about, nor can the friendship ever be the same again.

Finally - I can't believe you're still buying her presents ;)

I'm being a bit petty with one of the girls who I had as a BM but who hasn't asked me back in that I'm not going on her hen do :s the thing's costing around £350 which I can't really afford. If she had asked me to be a BM I would have found a way to pay to go, and if she'd actually respected me enough to say she was sorry I wouldn't be a bridesmaid or acknowledge that I'd been snubbed, then again I would have found someway to go (or at least go for part of it). I know it's a bit petty and I should just suck it up and go, but I have always been a very loyal friend to her and have paid more than I can really afford to go to visit her. At the very least I feel she could have had a quick chat with me to acknowledge that she wouldn't be returning the favour :s

Flat

He he finally - you're definitely showing her. Have you stopped putting kisses at the end of texts so she understands just how pissed off you are?

Not yet but I didn't like a photo of her (very lovely) DC on Facebook the other night. Small wins! Ha!

Brutal behaviour Finally.

[Makes a mental note of this for when mean BM friend pops out kids. That'll learn her.]

Op hope the night is still going ok- she sounds like an utter shit bet your other friends feel totally awkward

She has really put your other friends in a very awkward position, how long does she think she can keep this up without having a chat to you. I woukd book a holiday at the same time as the wedding.

Place marking for an update! OP, I do think she has put you and your friends in an awkward position - I wouldn't be upset about not being BM but I would be about being the only person left out and not spoken to!

I bet your other friends feel awkward too. Does she have form for this kind of shitty behaviour?

I'd not bother with her tbh. She has been very rude and she mustn't value your friendship to treat you in this way. YANBU

She's told them not to talk about it. Which is worse in a way as they're going along with it. Why would someone do this within a friendship group? I wonder if you're better off without the lot of them. I also wonder if one of them might say something away from her.

That's what I think, they are helping her and going along with it. So they have discussed you behind your back and colluded together. Horribal, your best off distancing yourself from the whole lot. I am sorry this has taken you all this time to find out what they are really like.

Either you'll be asked to be Maid of Honour (which at this point I'd decline) or your friends are not your friends after all.

The fact that you are all at a dinner just days after the announcement, with nobody mentioning the wedding, seems like actually they could be testing your reaction to not being bridesmaid?

I hope there's a better outcome though OP!

You are being so dignified in the face of all this.

What a horrible situation OP. She has made things awkward for you with all of your friends.
I had a similar situation, but nowhere near as bad. I have two friends from uni and I thought the 3 of us were equally close until one asked the other to be a bridesmaid and not me. I hadn't expected her to ask me, as I didn't ask either of them when I got married, but it hurt to find out that the two of them were obviously much closer than I realised. Made it awkward when we met up too as they always brought up wedding stuff. I never brought it up though as I didn't want to be asked out of pity

Silently cheering on OP from the sofa here... I'm also not BM material.

My future SIL is my BM next month because I thought that was the done thing.
She's getting married next year and didn't reciprocate. She asked her BMs last week.

Cow.

So I've now ruled (apparently brides get to do that!) that my BMs are all in heels. She hates heels.

That'll learn her

Right no wedding talk whatsoever clearly indicates they gave all been taking about this before dinner....nice. OP seriously - you want this bunch of bitches as friends??

Horrid situation. Ditch the lot of them and use what you would have spent on wedding stuff to treat yourself to a nice spa break on the same weekend as her big event

Men don't seem to have this problem do they? I wonder why. (I mean friendship insecurities and misunderstandings around loyalties rather than issues with picking bridesmaids, obviously.)

I sometimes wonder if someone was a little off with me or if I was imaging it. I might even ask another person if they knew if I had done anything to offend someone. I don't think most men I know would give it as much thought as the OP is, but I can't think of any male equivalent to being left out of the bridesmaid group. Most men would be relieved at their involvement in the wedding being minimum.

Love the nickname, OP, by the way.

That's it.... I have sat up until 4am in case OP needed a hand to hold.

Another MNetter will pick up the reins.

Night, night everyone.

No wedding talk days after BM's have been announced????

And even if the men had said - for gods sake no wedding talk because it will bore us to tears there would have at least been a jokey mention about how the wedding couldn't be discussed.

Im sorry, but they're all in it together and it would be the death knell on the 'friendship' for me.

I hope you're ok OP.

I agree with Aeroflot. You should book a fantastic holiday when the wedding is on.

So sorry this is happening. Horrible

Yep, get a holiday booked.

.