...to be hurt by not being asked to be bridesmaid?

[BridesNayed]

I sort of know that I am. But I'm very upset (currently in 2ww so hoping some of this is early preg symptoms).

Friend A is getting married. For 20 years (since start of high school) my friendship group has been a fivesome (including me). Friend A has asked B, C and D to be her bridesmaids (as well as sister and cousin) and not me. I know it's totally U to have any expectation of being a BM but I'm very hurt that she chose the other three and not me because in my eyes, we're all equal friends. If anything, A sees B and C a little bit more often because they live in the same city, but hasn't seen D for 6 months and told me last month that she wasn't that close to D at the moment since an extremely drunken argument between A and D at another wedding last autumn which resulted in D hitting A. I see her approx once a month because I am often in her city for work. I would say we are very close.

It's so stupid I know, but I can't help but reconsider the whole of our friendship. I'm absolutely gutted that she doesn't consider me a close enough friend compared to the others.

DH reckons I should ask her why she didn't pick me. I think this is a ridiculous idea because it's not about me. I know I can't say anything because it's her bride prerogative to have who she wants, but sucking it up and grinning is really hard and I just wanted to know if the general consensus was that these feelings are unreasonable or not.

I had similar. And she had been my BM a few years previously. She had masses of BMs too, so it wasn't as if it was family and her longest best friend only, which I would have understood. I was still expected to arrange a hen night (and in another country!) for her. Like a mug I did. I never asked her about it, but I did ask a mutual close friend who was a BM. This friend had been utterly perplexed by it too.
Wedding was called off the night before (so she never even got to go to the hen I had planned!). I was very involved in picking up the pieces in the aftermath. It definitely changed things.
I was also upset, and probably childishly so, as I have never been a BM. So maybe it's me

Oh yeah, and good luck!!

Just seen this from the beginning.

Shamelessly marking place so I can see why ur friend has left you out or if she has anything better lined up for you cos it's rite shitty she's singled u out

Enjoy your meal!

Update from the toilet please OP!!

Good luck op!

(Place marking me? Not at all )

MNing from the toilet. Classy.

We weren't the first to arrive so reduced chance of her pulling me aside. There has been zero wedding chat of any kind. Almost a deafening silence on the wedding front. Maybe she's briefed the others?

There is a LOT of booze flowing. Wondering how much more to have (2 glasses of prosecco so far) considering 2ww. I would very much like to deal with this situation with wine.

DH is amazing and has already mentioned a (fictional) cheap kebab he had last night in case we need to rely on it later.

Must dash or they'll think I'm stuck in the loo.

Just posting to say you are NOT there alone.

MN are with you.

Did you remember to put your big girl pants on? (Obviously I know that they are hard to hide under your stunning new outfit!)

Come back here when you next go to the loo! We are watching and holding your hand.

Definitely briefed them in advance. I don't think tonight is the time to bring it up. She has treated you very badly

Get pissed and bring it up

I think she's an idiot. She has created this divisive awful situation for what exactly? Silly cow!

OP is pregnant. Getting pissed not likely

Can't believe no-one has mentioned it. So bloody obvious. Awful. If it doesn't get mentioned and dealt with this evening I can't see it being addressed later myself. Looks like friendship in trouble over this.

She isn't pregnant, she is ttc.

From what you posted it seems clear that the other friends have been forewarned in advance, otherwise it would be the hot topic of conversation between you.

These women are not your friends, bridezilla has without doubt treated you terribly but the others now appear compliant and happy to go along with it. I'd now ask, you've nothing to lose they've all treated you abysmally.

Good luck

Good luck!

Sounds awkward alright.
Good luck OP.

How hurtful :(

Just ridiculous OP you're at the dinner and there's no wedding chat at all! They're all bloody in on it. I'd forget about these people and let them get on with their wedding, you have better things to do with better people. X

I wouldnt be able to hold my tongue now. Its ridiculous not to mention the wedding at all. And I would be very very hurt not to be asked.

Shamelessly placemarking. Hope you get to the bottom of it, OP.

Good Luck OP.

I experienced something very similar, must be 8 years ago, and that and a couple of other things have permanently affected the relationship. It was really hurtful even if the bride believes she's doing it for the 'right' reasons (apparently my being pregnant potentially was the/a factor)

What total cowbags. These girls are not your friends. I hope you feel ok [sends loads and loads of hugs]. It's so painful isn't it. It's not just the disappointment of not being chosen and realising that you're not as important to her as you had initially thought, it's the embarrassment of people talking about you behind your back and agreeing not to speak to you about it. Seriously, leave the meal and come and join us lovely girls on the Mumsnet table in the corner. We've saved you some prosecco!

good luck op

Very hurtful even if the bride thinks they have a good reason (similar experience here and possible pregnancy was mentioned as a/the reason) Trust in that relationship will never quite be the same sadly.

Sorry - thought first post had been lost!

I am sorry Op, that is shitty. I would feel hurt too. You go girl in your new fabulous dress.